Feeling lost.

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Jacko, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    I have recently lost my baby at 6+4.
    I am sick of people saying it wasn't really a baby just a bunch of cells, and that it's better to have lost "IT" now.
    People although supportive can really be insensitive. It was a baby and it was my baby.
    The baby wasn't particully planned however was defo not prevented and I have 2 little boys but at the minute I am so out of it.
    I feel empty, lost and literally like a mess.
    I feel guilty for moaning about my sickness, worrying about getting fat because now I haven't got to worry about those things.
    I lost before but I do not remember feeling like this.
    I am going back to work Wednesday and dreading it.
    Sorry I know we are all going through the same I just am struggling x
     
  2. augustus

    augustus Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear this Jacko. I remember you getting your bfp. Right here is thing take no bloody notice of the insensitive people. It was your baby and your body take time to grieve and move forward as slowly as you like. This a huge emotional event and each time is different and each woman will handle it diffferently. Take comfort in your loved ones. Sending big hugs . I am so sorry for your loss. don't feel guilty. Xx
     
  3. tootie

    tootie Well-Known Member

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    Oh jacko it is completely normal to feel that way. I still cry over my previous losses now. As soon as you get that bfp you build hopes and dreams and when all that is taken away it is devastating xx try not to give yourself a hard time sweetheart x you are only human xx
     
  4. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry to read this jacko, it doesn't matter how or when it happens, it's devastating. So many people told me 'it wasn't meant to be' that I just shut myself away from everyone. I just couldn't hear it anymore. I also had the 'you were too stressed' so I then blamed myself even more. 6 months later it still hurts me now. I know exactly how far along I'd be and always will.

    Ignore people if you need to hun and grieve whatever way you want. Pm me anytime xxx
     
  5. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    Just to say it, it was a baby. It is a baby and will always be your baby. Xx
     
  6. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you've lost your baby. People can be so insensitive with their 'well meaning' comments. I remember my boss at the time of my first miscarriage saying someone she knew had been through similar and really it was just like a late period!! I'd had a scan at 6+3 which showed a baby with a slow heartbeat and a second scan at 8+3 showed baby had died around 7 weeks. Losing baby with a heart beating was not 'like a late period' in the slightest and how I kept my cool I'll never know! I was absolutely devastated at the time and for a long time afterwards. Your baby was your baby and nothing can take away from that xxx


     
  7. Slb24

    Slb24 Well-Known Member

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    I've had that. It's so insensitive. Your baby was a baby no matter how early or late you lost him/her.

    I seen this on Facebook the other day and loved it. I hope it makes you feel a little better. Stay strong Hun. Xx[​IMG]


     
  8. inky

    inky Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear people have been so insensitive Jacko, I lost a baby at 7+4 and my SIL said I "was only just about pregnant anyway". So insensitive :( I'm very sorry to hear of your loss x
     
    #8 inky, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2016
  9. Blackcat

    Blackcat Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry, Jacko, and I'm really sorry that you've had to put up with people's 'support'. People sometimes think that they can 'fix' things with a single statement, and if they haven't been through it themselves, they have no idea how hurtful their throw-away comments can be

    Don't let anyone tell you that your baby wasn't a baby, it's not the case at all. Sending you lots of love and hugs xx
     
  10. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I hope you're doing okay Jacko xx
     
  11. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    Unbelievable. That sounds like someone who has never had children or begun to contemplate trying?!
     
  12. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear about your loss, it affects people in different ways.
    I've found out people don't know what to say in this situation and try to make things sound better by saying things like that, I don't think they realise how hurtful it is to women having a mc.
    People who haven't been through it don't realise how emotional/tiring/exhausting and heartbreaking it actually is.
    Sending hugs hun x
     
  13. Petit Pois

    Petit Pois Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear this Jacko, hope you're doing okay. As hard as it is, try not to listen to 'well meaning' advice, it's normally not helpful! It definitely was a baby, no one can change that. xxx
     
  14. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all. I am still not coping very we'll. I have lost babies in the past but this is really hitting ne hard!!!
    I know I have to "give up and move on" ���� thank you for all support x
     
  15. Blackcat

    Blackcat Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you need to 'give up', but eventually you need to accept. There's no rush, so give yourself time to grieve. Have you got anyone you can talk to? Other than us :)
     
  16. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    Jacko I'm really sorry you lost your baby, don't feel pressured to "move on" there is no quick fix, one of my friends told me I didn't know how it felt to be pregnant - I wanted to shout I've been pregnant for 11.5weeks and 10weeks with my angels that's 21 weeks of being pregnant even though I have no baby to show for it. People say stupid things - most of the time they don't mean any harm. It's tough to absorb the loss of a baby I found talking and working helped me get back to some normality, look after yourself x
     

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