Feeling lonely and worried about what everyone must think :(

xMillie

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2014
Messages
3,152
Reaction score
191
I’ve been doing pretty well to stay away from the forum as it helps me to think about the whole ttc thing a whole lot less... but the last few days I’ve felt incredibly down and really lonely. It’s probably just because AF is due any day now. :(

Is there anyone else still ttc as long as me or am I totally alone on that? I’m sure both mine and my husbands families probably think we either don’t want kids or think we’re having trouble conceiving and that it’s all my fault.. why can’t we just be normal like everyone else. Husband says to not worry about what others think but I can’t help but feel like everyone else thinks I’m a failure and it’s my fault and probably talk about me behind my back about it.

I told hubby last night that AF is due soon and I know we’re not pregnant and he just said he doesn’t know what to say..

And also last night it popped up on Facebook that my 17 year old cousin is pregnant. Last person I expected to see announcing her and her boyfriend of just 6 months are pregnant.. along with a baby scan.. and another person to unfollow. The second cousin I’ve had to unfollow this month.. also again short relationship. How unfair.. I couldn’t even post congrats on either of their announcements. Just chose to ignore them..


Everyone’s getting happy baby scans and next month I get a scan to see if they can see anything wrong with me since periods have been whack.


I’m sure no one knows what to say and I’m only feeling like this because it’s that time of the month again.. but so sick of it. :(
 
Millie - nothing i can say will make you feel any better but i want you to know i am here for you always. A serious chat, a little giggle, anything i am here!

I know my 17 cycles is nothing compared to your 6 years but i just want to say i know how you feel when you get your period again and again. It really is the worse feeling in the world.

Massive hugs to you darling. I hope you can get some answers from your scan very soon <3 xx
 
I feel like so many small things are just triggering me at the moment and it’s so hard to just forget about?

They’re just small and stupid things like I was putting away clothes and was like oh yeah I got that shirt when I was actually pregnant..

and out in our garden it’s gone wild with pansies this year - at the start of my frozen transfer cycle last year I planted some pansy seeds in pots indoors, was hoping to grow pansies just like I had hoped our last embryo would grow. The seeds didn’t do much so tossed the pots in the garden. Their soil eventually ended up in various pots we have out there, pretty much every pot has had a huge amount of pansies grow. Hating the sight of them today it’s like a cruel reminder..
 
I'm so sorry your feeling down Millie. I totally understand how you feel. I may have been lucky and ivf worked for me 2md time around but I was in that dark place for years and it's awful and loney and barely anyone gets how it feels.

I just want you to know that I am rooting for you and always putting my requestor to the universe for you. I still believe it will happen for you and very soon. I will keep holding on to that for you and I am here any time you want to chat.

Al x
 
So sorry you are going through this, I understand what you mean about worrying if your family and friends etc are wondering if you have baby plans, it could start to become an elephant in the room, are you not keen on the idea of being open about things and letting your closest people know that you are going through this? Obviously only people who you trust, I really hope you get your baby soon Millie xx
 
Im so sorry you are going through this hun, it felt like a lifetime our journey of over 2 years so I can’t even imagine how you feel.

I was in a pretty dark place whilst saving for ivf and before we conceived and I reached out to get some counselling, your ivf clinic will have specialist counsellors that they can recommend if you need to speak to someone to help you through this period.

I really hope you get your miracle one day xx
 
Oh Millie....

I think all of us long term ttc’ers can relate to what you’ve posted 100%.

it’s the most frustrating situation to have to deal with 24/7. It’s a living breathing nightmare that doesn’t seem to end. I’m sure my male neutered cats will be pregnant before me on bad days ... and on good days I think this might be the one!

Like Char said nothing I can say will make you feel any brighter but we are right beside you xxx
 
Oh Millie....

I think all of us long term ttc’ers can relate to what you’ve posted 100%.

it’s the most frustrating situation to have to deal with 24/7. It’s a living breathing nightmare that doesn’t seem to end. I’m sure my male neutered cats will be pregnant before me on bad days ... and on good days I think this might be the one!

Like Char said nothing I can say will make you feel any brighter but we are right beside you xxx

Gosh yes a neutered male cat defo has more chances than I do !!
 
Still feeling totally rubbish today. Hate hormones.. that’s all this is. I’ll be mostly fine as soon as AF comes and leaves?!! Until next month of course.

Bloody rubbish time for it as well as it’s my weigh in day tomorrow. Last week I was only half a pound away from losing a stone since July but I had a cheeky look this morning and pretty sure I weigh more now and I’ve felt bloated for days. Which again is the upcoming AFs fault !!!!
 
hi millie I know how you feel I have been ttc for 6 years but my issue is I cant go to fertility here until I loose 5 stone and also my hubby has issues with ejaculating so that's our issue and we would need iui or treatment like that I am 30 in October so feel I am loosing time to lose the weight its so frustrating and got to the point hes reluctant to try as we know it will never happen until I lose the weight and get fertility help sending you big hugs xxx
 
hi millie I know how you feel I have been ttc for 6 years but my issue is I cant go to fertility here until I loose 5 stone and also my hubby has issues with ejaculating so that's our issue and we would need iui or treatment like that I am 30 in October so feel I am loosing time to lose the weight its so frustrating and got to the point hes reluctant to try as we know it will never happen until I lose the weight and get fertility help sending you big hugs xxx

Thank you xx

I’m sorry it feels like you’re running out of time. It’s an awful feeling.. makes it feel like it will never happen.

Losing weight while wanting to ttc feels impossible too. I’ve been saying the last year ‘its ok I can just lose the weight after I have a baby’ but since that’s never gonna happen I started trying to fix my diet and almost lost a stone since July. Lots of ups and downs though. It is hard :( xx
 
Amazing Millie that you have almost lost a stone. You should be so proud of yourself <3 xx
 
Thanks @chattychar1990, have been feeling like I can’t really see any difference between pictures I took before I started losing weight up til the one I took a few days ago, they look the same to me. So the last few days I’ve just wanted to give up and eat junk (I haven’t but oh so tempted..)

Feeling mega bloated cause AF soon.. just gotta wait for that to come and bugga off again. The sooner the better cause I’m so done feeling like a depressed whale.
 
I’m 3 years in ttc with unexplained infertility. I too have avoided these forums as I felt like I was the only one left still here ttc long term and it did actually help to take my mind off it all. However, like you, when I’m due on I feel heartbroken about it all and it’s a struggle to put my brave face on! I know there’s nothing any of us can say to make it all better but it does help to talk about it and know that the feeling will ease once af has been and gone....but then we have to do it all again next month! If it helps, know that you’re not alone feeling like a depressed whale today lol....I’m feeling exactly the same! Xx
 
@xMillie i agree with @SugaryIris that counselling is a really good idea . I went to see a hypnotist who specialises in fertility, she was Zita West trained, because my sadness was impacting every area of my life. My man didn’t know what to do with me and we would argue every time my period arrived and I didn’t want to get out of bed. First session was great, 2nd session I didn’t like her, 3rd session good, 4th session I literally bounced out her office I was so full of positivity and 4 sessions was enough.
Now I have more good days than bad because she helped me change my focus to thinking positive, instead of focusing on the negative experiences we’d been through. It cost £50 a session, so I had to find £200 but that’s a helluva lot less than what our IVF cost and I think it’s money well spent if it lifts you out of the dark places. It worked for me....maybe worth a go?

Also, if I’d been pregnant at 17 I’d have been really scared. I think sometimes we all want what other people have, but their reality might not be all sunshine and roses.

Take care of yourself
Xx
 
I'm so sorry millie. I was past the 7 year mark before I got my first bfp in August. It's such a lonely and dark place, My DH also didn't know what to say in the end. Theres not alot anyone can say to make you feel better. I was bitter and jealous of everyone and anyone, OH baby sister found out she was pregnant, wasnt trying, wasnt with the dad every long and didn't realise till she was 17 weeks. Everything just feels so cruel.

I agree that Counselling is a good idea.

Staying away from this forum helped me immensely. I found it all too painful.

Have you and OH ever talked about adoption?

We were going to start the process next year, and I think in a few years we will look into it again.

I'm so sorry you are still going through this. It's a horrible lonely journey. Be kind to yourself xxx
 
Halfway through second round of ivf I wanted to take the free counselling at our ivf clinic but they never mentioned it again and I was too afraid to ask about it.

I’m in two minds about it? Like I want to just to see if it helps but also feel like I would just sit there and not say anything at all? Feel like if I said anything I’d just be going round in circles, pretty much like I do on here. Trying then not trying, giving up completely then back to trying. Ughh.


I wouldn’t want to adopt, but I guess I could change my mind in a few years.
 
Halfway through second round of ivf I wanted to take the free counselling at our ivf clinic but they never mentioned it again and I was too afraid to ask about it.

I’m in two minds about it? Like I want to just to see if it helps but also feel like I would just sit there and not say anything at all? Feel like if I said anything I’d just be going round in circles, pretty much like I do on here. Trying then not trying, giving up completely then back to trying. Ughh.


I wouldn’t want to adopt, but I guess I could change my mind in a few years.


I know what you mean, you could always try counselling and then if it's not for you, you don't have to go again. It's not for everyone but might help. Worth a look into.

Ah, I wasnt always keen on adoption until a few years ago, DH was in and out of care and so he always said he would like to adopt/foster at some point, I was always open to it but he really changed my mind, and so I even if everything works out with this baby I think we will deffo look at our options either fostering/adopting in a few years.

Also if your not keen on the thought of face to face counselling you could look into online counselling, that could be helpful too xx
 
Hi Millie,

I would really recommend the counselling I literally vented and cried throughout each session but felt so much better afterwards and think it really helps the mindset. I know I’m lucky to have gotten caught with our ivf round but it was 8 long years I was open with people as well like if a friend had a pregnancy announcement I ignored for a few days had a good cry and told them the truth it was hard to see them on their third pregnancy while we were still trying for number one most people understand and if they didn’t well I don’t need people like that in my life, I know it’s hard but try to keep positive xx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
473,572
Messages
4,654,624
Members
110,012
Latest member
lauramayne90
Back
Top