feeling lonely and judged for my patenting style

[Robyner]

I completely agree with Jojo.
I also expressed for a period of time, it was incredibly hard but it was a choice i made as i have flat nipples and actual breast feeding wasnt working out. I was often questioned and criticised by everyone who " knew best "
I also used a sterilising tank due to the amount of paraphernalia needed and a friend would mention it everytime she came round. She really disaproved of it yet it worked for me, it was so annoying.
I also did babyled weaning and its was amazing for us but i have learnt not to force the idea on anyone else or decry traditional weaning in any way because i know how annoying it is when people try to enforce their ways and ideas.

 

[inky]

It sounds to me like you're doing a great job TTT and to allay any fears your "friend" may have instilled, my son was breast fed, wrapped, never ever left to cry (he still isn't lol!) and he's now a happy, secure, confident, loving 5 year old boy, and although he can be a little cheeky at times he's definitely not naughty

 

[Phoenix85]

I'm glad I found this thread!

I can definitely relate.

My almost 9yr old was also cloth nappied, co slept from birth to 2yrs old, breastfed til she was 6, and I wore her in a sling, only used the pram about 6 times in her life and the stroller about twice when she was 2/3 and going through a phase of not wanting to be carried but not wanting to walk more than 10 steps either (lol)... only the novelty of the stroller also wore off very quick and then I was left trying to wrangle a toddler and an empty stroler anyway, I digress.

When she was a baby I was on a couple of message boards and literally got hounded off one of them because I didn't formula feed or use a cot. People would post threads asking about where everyone's babies were sleeping, how much they were eating (drinking) and what push chair they had etc etc, and just by answering differently I was attacked and accused of being judgemental when I truly was only trying to join in.

I also do not vaccinate, My eldest was fully vaxxed until 12 months (though 11 years ago there were a lot fewer vaccines on the schedule, for instance no PCV, no rotavirus, and I think they get an extra booster dose of Hib or DTaP or something that they didn't then).
My youngest was partially vaccinated until 4 months when I made the decision to stop. She also never got PCV or Rotavirus (RV wasn't available then and PCV was too new for me to feel OK about).
Since then I've stopped completely.

I have friends I went to school with who have toddlers now and they parent the complete opposite to how I did, but because my kids are a lot older it's not as obvious as mine were long past the baby stage by the time theirs came along.

 

[LittlePants]

Everyone's ideas are different, and to me gentle, close parenting is the only way to teach your child to be gentle and considerate to others. Don't be put off by what others think. How you parent is your choice.

 

[TTT]

Thank you for the new comments I really needed them after a recent thread that got nasty. Has put me off pregnancy forum tbh. People who do cc and formula feed get so defensive and almost nasty if you disagree. I don't get nasty if they disagree with me, just feel sad that gentle parents are in the minority and as a new mum, had no one like minded to talk to. Even family were difficult as my older brother and sil, who I have now cut ties with, did cc and bf but went cold turkey on it at six months and once said to me 'now you're weaning you'll have to have two weeks of hell to stop bf'. Wtf is that all about.

Anyway these comments were sooo lovely and helpful and my husband is very supportive of my choices for our baby and that's all that matters really

 

[violet13]

I see to my lo as soon as he fusses because somethings up and I'm rather relaxed he goes to bed when he's tired I take a bottle up when I go to bed and he'll normally wake if he's hungry I don't think your doing anything anyone should judge Hun, let this person be competitive ignore
Them do what you feel gut wise is best xxx

 

[violet13]

Also I breast fed as long as I could but sadly it didn't work out very well we found it hard and today I sobbed as my little one fell asleep on my chest after a bottle like he used to do when bfeeding I miss it but I can see he's happier you bfeed as long as you both want it's brilliant but it doesn't always work out so well done you for carrying on its not anyone's choice when you or baby stop if you even do some babies still feed 2 years on xxx

Just to add, I keep reading the comments and want to join in so thought I'd edit rather than keep posting new ones haha.
We vaccinated purely because that's what I think is best for my baby, we don't use cloth nappies but I may try them and co sleeping I'm scared of only because I fidget when I sleep but I want my baby in our room I love being able to snuggle up to him which today we've had a lot of in bed cuddles we both have colds, I love hearing/ reading different parenting styles except cc I don't like it personally as I'm a cuddly
Person and want my boy to be a snuggle bug always. You are all doing fab for your babies regardless of different views or styles it suits you and bub xxx

 

[ShowingPromise]

Hi TTT, what a lucky baby yours is to have you! I think your parenting style is fab As others have said, it's your choice and if people have an issue with it then that's their problem.
We mix and match the bits of lots of styles that we like, our lo is ff by necessity, sleeps in a cot in his own room, but is never left to cry, one of us goes in before he gets to the point of being distressed. I let him sleep on me and rock him if he's struggling to nod off. Thankfully he sleeps pretty well and self soothes in the night but if he didn't I'd go in to him. We only get one chance with them as babies so I cuddle him at every opportunity!

 

[Tonks82]

I agree with what others have said I LOVE this idea of parenting. In my opinion I think this style is so positive to the child/baby.
I formula fed, for some reason whilst I was preggers I just didn't fancy the idea of breast feeding but I did try and it didn't work out for me. It's a big regret I have in all honesty!
We did a lot of co sleeping and now at 2 and half he's still gets into our bed most nights. I love it he's only going to be little for so long. I couldn't do CC its just not me. There was a little routine but my son lead it, I just went with the flow.
I have friends who are of a different opinion but my family think the same as me and that's who I spend the most time with.
Xxx

 

[violet13]

Tonks,
cosleeping wise what age did you start? My little one is 16 weeks and I would love to snuggle him during the night but as I said I'm a fidget and a bit worried I'd hurt him :/ xxx

 

[Tonks82]

I did it from birth in the hospital can't say I got much sleep though as I was a bit worried at the time. I had a c section and my bed is practically on the floor so it was agony getting up 3/4 times a night for feeds. I also had a really traditional cot where you couldn't adjust the mattress height so bending down to get him out was also pretty painful. Just was so much easier and natural to have him in the bed.
I do fidget too and I'm a very deep sleeper but I was always conscious of him and I never drunk alcohol and co slept when he was tiny. My sister had a baby bay attached to the bed which she loved (maybe a thought). My son wasn't a wriggler either though so that made it a whole lot easier. If you feel safe and comfortable then go for it. I also never used the duvet over him he had his own thin cotton blanket so as not to over heat.
I love his cuddles now my husband works nights we get the whole bed to ourselves!
Xx

 

[violet13]

Tonks apologies for the late reply! We've had our little one in bed with us the last week now and honestly best thing I did I have a light blanket on myself and him and we're both nice and comfy sometimes I'll wake up a little and he's rolled onto his side and cuddled into me and it's the cutest thing ever. He barely wakes now and is rather content when bedtime comes around as we cuddle for half an hour then I lay him down and he always snuggles in. Xxx

 

[MissKW]

I know how you feel but you are doing what you believe to be best (it is most natural, and a baby brought up in such way is proven to be a much happier and quieter baby).
I too am of the same opinions, I breast feed exclusively and will do as long as I feel necessary, I pick him up as soon as he stirs (he has learnt that he doesn't actually have to cry to get what he needs so he rarely does), I co slept with him until 6 weeks and he now very happily sleeps in his bed next to me. In fact he sleeps far better than I do, and will happily sleep until I get him up in the morning. If he wants feeding he just makes subtle little noises to wake me up rather than crying.
My family however believe it's good to let them cry, and my mum keeps telling me to put him upstairs on his own if he cries, despite me telling her in his first few few weeks that's he was crying because he was hungry (we were out shopping) she insisted I should ignore him! I was horrified and went to find somewhere to nurse.
My sisters also believe I'm spoiling him because I tend to his needs...
There opinions seem so unnatural and unfair to me. I really can't understand it. My MIL only breastfed her first for 2 weeks and second not at all. My friend stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks, I don't judge them or try to give people advise, I believe we all do what we belive to be best, but what I don't understand is why people seem to judge or disagree with us even though what we are doing clearly works for us and is the way nature intended.
I try to just ignore people. I did try to talk sense into my family especially as they will be his baby sitters when he's older so I need to stress my options to them, but anyone else I just ignore and leave them to it.
However the people telling me to let them cry it out and who didn't breast feed etc were the same people who were telling me how hard it would be when the baby arrives, telling me how much help I would need, how much sleep I wouldn't get and how exhausted I would be etc. When he arrived I quickly realised it wasn't half as difficult as I expected, maybe I am lucky but I have found the hole thing so easy and natural, I havnt needed any help at all and I sleep miles better than I did whilst I was pregnant. The house still gets sorted, I eat well, exercise, see to my horse and care for a family member. My baby has never left my side and I have the same energy as I did pre pregnany. I also have a very supportive husband so that helps a lot too.
I think such people either had difficult babies or just found having a baby to be too big of a change and didn't cope quite so well, so they did what they could or what they were told by their parents etc. Others believe leaving them makes them more independent.
I just do things my own way, I listen to others opinions but everybody differs greatly and I don't think there is any right or wrong when it comes to raising babies as long as we do our best