Feeling guilty

Discussion in 'Postnatal Questions' started by Jellybeanjen, May 22, 2013.

  1. Jellybeanjen

    Jellybeanjen Well-Known Member

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    I feel a tad guilty as when my baby was born she was taken away for a while and I never cried or anything and felt scared of her tbh. I was on my own overnight in hospital and was looking after her but didn't feel a bond at all. I was so intimidated. Then the next night (still in hospital) she was crying so bad and I stayed up with her and suddenly felt this over whelming "oh my god my baby is really upset I must help her" and I stayed awake all night calming her and she looked at me and I just fell in love. I just keep feeling guilty that the first day I didn't feel that way and didn't want to hold her. Is this normal? Makes me upset that I could ever feel like that towards my beautiful baby! :(


    Tapatalking so I can't see sigs x
     
  2. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    I completely understand how you feel but don't feel guilty - child birth puts our bodies through so much and at first its really tough. Hormones are all over the place too, I don't think you ever imagine exactly how you are going to feel after having a baby. You do need to take time to recover yourself and take one day at a time.

    I didn't want to hold my little girl in the first day either - purely because I was exhausted. When I left hospital I read my notes and they basically said my baby was cold and I had refused to hold her, that made me feel bad.

    The most important thing is that you were looking after her and she is so lucky to have a mummy who loves her and feeling guilty is just part of being a mummy. xx
     
  3. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    hi hunni, i was the exact same :( however i think you are given this baby you never met and its strange because all we know is you learn to love someone, so how do you feel instant love after all that pain?? and i was very poorly after birth so i didnt have hold of him, everyone else did, my bond came the day i was due home and it was me and him in the room and daddy tuck the bags downstairs and i was looking down at him in my arms and a teddy played twinkle twinkle, well i just cried and cried and all my love just came out of no where for this baby xxxxx
     
  4. Nicnax

    Nicnax Well-Known Member

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    I felt like this! My little lady was whisked off to neonatal whilst I was asleep in the early hours of the morning. When they told me, I didn't cry, I was very calm and accepting. I was shocked, but not upset, when I saw her hooked up to tubes and monitors in the nicu, and didn't really hold her at all. I was able to justify it, because she was nil by mouth, and she seemed to be upset by smelling my milk, though I couldn't feed her. It was all so surreal- Luke the whole thing was happening to someone else, and I think my detachment was a coping mechanism, in case something went wrong. When I finally got her back, it was all about establishing breastfeeding, and when we got home, it was all about settling her in. There was always something that had to be done, and it took a good week to even really accept that she was mine to keep! 4 months on, I am besotted! When she cries my heart breaks, when she laughs my heart sings! I just think she is brilliant.

    I think long-range is just about survival mode, and because people say about this instant rush of love, you feel abnormal if you don't have it. I imagine guilt will be a huge part of my life from now on, but it's completely normal. :)
     
  5. Jellybeanjen

    Jellybeanjen Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for reassuring me! Loads of people say its instant and I feel bad that it wasn't. I was just shocked and laying on a theatre table and just...I had just lost all care as was pain free and pethadine prob still in system. It's was surreal and it only sunk in on second day. Very hard to believe she is mine! Lol.

    I don't suppose any of you have those injection thingys in your belly? To stop clotting? My OH just did mine and it bled loads and some squirted back out...is that ok do you think?

    Xxx


    Tapatalking so I can't see sigs x
     
  6. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    I had them myself for a week, are you moving it arounddifferent areas when you do it? Also pinch the skina little before you inject, not to tight as this will push it bsck out if the injection isnt pushed in enough xx
     
  7. Jellybeanjen

    Jellybeanjen Well-Known Member

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    Well I can't bare to do it myself do OH does it...I have been having them on my left side which never feel but then I was expressing on that side so he done it on other side and it done that lol. Xxx


    Tapatalking so I can't see sigs x
     
  8. mummy2b19

    mummy2b19 Well-Known Member

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    make sure the needle goes stright in not on an angle hun xx
     
  9. littlemonkey

    littlemonkey Well-Known Member

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    I was honestly that out my tree on pain relief after my c section I didn't hold my son until his second day. I didn't feed him or change him until that night when my OH went home for the night! I think to begin with I was more scared of him than anything! I remember thinking the next morning after being up all night I'd made it through without killing him, I'd done ok! I felt bad at the time, now I don't cos we've bonded from spending so much time together. I'm also glad it gave OH chance to bond with the little fella.
     
    #9 littlemonkey, May 23, 2013
    Last edited: May 23, 2013
  10. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    U need to move it around an inch from your belly button and in different places xx
     
  11. mw1

    mw1 Member

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    Don't worryl Sometimes it takes some time to get used to the baby. Don't feel guilty. It is all normal
     
  12. Jellybeanjen

    Jellybeanjen Well-Known Member

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    Been speaking to midwife and OH and feel better each day. Still tearful and not really enjoying it but slowly slowly getting little happy moments with her. it's just not how I expected to feel and thought I was doing well..then I just starts getting very upset and not wanting to hold her and stuff :/ but getting better and feeling but happier and less scared xxx


    Tapatalking so I can't see sigs x
     
  13. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Having a little one is so hard, I feel the same as you and these first few weeks have been very hard but now I'm starting to feel so much better.

    Are you managing to get out a little bit? I find I feel so much better if I can get out the house. When I had my son I met a lot of new mummies by going out the groups - I now consider some of those mums my closest friends! :)

    Remember your lo is only 2 weeks old and you are still recovering from the birth - I hope you are managing to get lots of rest (or at least as much as you can). xx
     

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