Feeling guilty about having another baby...

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by eminasya, Feb 2, 2016.

  1. eminasya

    eminasya Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    I have a 15 month old daughter. I had 2 miscarriages before I had her so she is my precious rainbow baby. We are very close and I love her more than I thought possible.
    I'm now pregnant again and due in 2 months. This baby was planned as well and I'm really looking forward to meeting him but Im feeling guilty because of having him so soon after having my baby girl. She is still little and needs me and the new baby will take a lot of my attention away from her. I'm worried she will think I don't love her any more [​IMG]
    We planned a short gap between our children because I didn't want her to be jelous of the new baby. But she is very clingy and throws tantrums whenever I don't pick her up or play with her when she wants to so I'm worried she won't take very well to her brother as she won't be the centre of the attention any more.
    On the other hand I'm worried that I won't love the new baby as much.

    Can anyone with 2 or more children share their experiences?

    Should I stop giving my daughter so much attention to prepare her for what's coming? At the moment I'm spending most of my time playing with her and cuddling her because I feel guilty that soon I won't be able to do that any more.
     
  2. Lucky2015

    Lucky2015 Member

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    Hi,
    Congratulations, I am planning a gap of 20 months between mine but I would not feel guilty at all and nor should you.
    There is 17 months between my sister, me and my twin and we get on great, my mum never had any problems.
    Your daughter will adjust as will you with two small children and new borns don't need as much attention in the first few wks genrally as your daughter does/will and by the time they do need more attention, you would have found your feet and how you spend your time having two.
    I hope you enjoy them and am sure your daughter will love being a big sister. Hugs xx
     
  3. keeptrying14

    keeptrying14 Well-Known Member

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    I have no advice other than I feel exactly the same! My dd is 18 months and will be 22 months when this one is born. I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of making her have a brother!! I know when he gets here it will be ok and in the long run will benefit her but I keep thinking I can't love him as much as I love her coz it's such a strong love. I also don't want her to feel replaced and am dreading her feeling that way. A lot of ladies I've spoken to have said the same and said as soon as the next one is born whatever concerns you have vanish and it all slots into place. I'm hoping that's the case! X
     
  4. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    There will be almost 2 years between mine and I'm just looking at the positives. They are going to be so close to one another and my dd is such a sociable wee girl that the company will be good for her. She loves her dolls and mothering them too so I'm
    Hoping this rubs off! It's going to be hard to split ourselves but sooo worth it!
     
  5. MrsSmoo

    MrsSmoo Well-Known Member

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    No advice yet but my twins are due to arrive late next month and i also feel very very guilty. This was a planned pregnancy with a planned small gap as well. It must be a normal feeling though surely?
     
  6. mummyof3ttc

    mummyof3ttc Well-Known Member

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    aw this is completely normal to feel imo
    my children are 5 2 1 youngest will be 16 months when baby due ... i feel guilty but i sooo cant wait for my children meet their sister its so nice having a close age gap xxxxx
     
  7. heatheror12

    heatheror12 Well-Known Member

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    There is 16months between my boys. My eldest is 2 next week. I also felt like this at 1st. But now I don't think he would have it any other way. The bond is just amazing. At 1st he was to young and because the baby didn't do anything he wasn't interested. Soon an he started to laugh and roll over play ect he loved it. They are the best of friends now. I do tend to sort my eldest out 1st with breakfast ect because he seems to be more demanding than the baby. But you will find what works best for you. And routine just becomes life! I can now get out the without it taking half a day lolol x
     
  8. eminasya

    eminasya Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for all your replies. It does make me feel better that I'm not the only one feeling like that:)

    I'm sure everything will turn out ok, my daughter loves other children and always kisses and hugs any baby pictures she can get a hold of so I'm hoping that's a good sign and she will be fine with her baby brother :)
     
  9. heatheror12

    heatheror12 Well-Known Member

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    It's amazing what they pick up. My little boy goes to nursery and after Leo was born the girls and nursery said he was helping them feed a baby an they sat them up an he started to pat there back to wind them lol. Am sure she will adapt just fine. And your defiantly not on your own with the guilt. But they adapt better than us x
     
  10. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    Definitely don't start giving her less attention- this will not "prepare" her, it would only increase her anxiety and make the transition that much more difficult for her. Honestly, it's your newborn who will probably have less attention! It's not as difficult as it seems to keep doting on baby 1. Your newborn will be sleeping most of the time at first, or in a carrier on you and you can still pay attention to your daughter. Nursing might make her jealous; you can make a "nursing basket" of special snacks and toys/activities your daughter gets only when you are nursing the baby so she feels special too.
     
  11. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    Oh and my second (son) has made my daughter SO happy. I am in awe of the bond between them; they have so much FUN. And laugh all the time! It is such a gift. Your daughter is blessed to have a sibling on the way!
     
  12. Ella1979

    Ella1979 Well-Known Member

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    There's 21 months between mine and my daughter can't remember a time without her little brother. They - mostly - play really well together and they hug each other and my daughter often says to her brother that she loves him. It's SO cute! I do remember worrying about how she would react, but she was just about old enough to help out with her brother when he was born, e.g. asking her to fetch a nappy or wipes at nappy changes etc. - she loved being able to help me.
     
  13. MrsP42

    MrsP42 Well-Known Member

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    I think it is probably natural there will be just shy of 3 years between my girls when this one arrives - my DD1 is a really independent, confident thing but there is still that pang of guilt about juggling them both and making the love and attention go round. I am making the most of time with her at the moment and doing special things just the two of us and I plan to get her involved when DD2 arrives so she feels special and important.
    I read an article that said a good thing is to be warned when you OH and other child are coming to visit in hospital and make sure that when your first child comes in you aren't holding the baby that they are in their cot so you are all hands free for big cuddles and kisses...thought that was great advice!
    We are mums - our mums had enough time and love for us and our siblings to we can do it to xx
     
  14. MrsGriff

    MrsGriff Well-Known Member

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    Really glad you started this thread Eminaysa as I feel the exact same way.
    My new baby is due in 5 weeks and my daughter is just 17 months old.

    I really hope that things to fall into place. She's such a mummy's girl and I'm so worried about how she'll react to the new baby.
     
  15. sammielou

    sammielou Well-Known Member

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    My SIL just had her second boy, her first born was just over 2 years old when his brother arrived. Involving the older sibling as much as possible, letting him 'help' whenever he shows an interest in doing so, has been really valuable in smoothing things over. He's acted out plenty - but then what 2 year old isn't acting out anyway? He is really gentle and sweet with his little brother. He often asks when he'll be big and strong enough to play with him.
     
  16. jazz1984

    jazz1984 Well-Known Member

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    Eminaysa I could have written this post myself! I don't have any advise as I'm in exactly the same boat, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your worries. I just hope our lil boy will be easy so my lil girl can still get the attention and love shes used to/ deserves x
     

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