Feeling down

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Lulu90, Jan 10, 2016.

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  1. Lulu90

    Lulu90 Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies,

    Wow I haven't been on the forum in so long, I forget how brilliant and supportive the majority of the ladies on here are. Unfortunately I made the mistake of moving over to Facebook with the other ladies who were due the same month as me, but I've now removed myself from it. Such a shame because I adore near enough all of them.

    Certain ladies, who often post on here, felt the need to push their views on the other mummies and to be honest, ended up making me feel like I was hurting my little Luca. I let Luca cry for between 5-10 minutes every night when I put him down for bed. He's fed, changed and happy after his bed time story. He'd simply prefer to be rocked to sleep, something I personally don't want to get in the habit of. Apparently because he's 6 months old this isn't acceptable. I had to sit and read comments on this group page, about an article, along the lines of "oh I just really want to cuddle every controlled crying baby" or "it breaks my heart". I took this extremely personally because they people commenting knew full well it was something I was doing. He's my first baby and I would have appreciated any advice, but in a private message.

    I guess the whole point of this post is that we really need to be more sensitive with these articles. I feel like forums and groups should be merely for advice and to not post things that could potentially really upset a mum, especially a first timer. I do what I feel is best for me and Luca, and he's absolutely thriving. It's very hard to not take things personally when you feel you've created friendships with certain people. I've spent the past couple of days thinking I'm a bad mum.

    I'm going to start posting on here from now on, I always have plenty of questions. Looking forward to speaking to all of you again, I have a lot of catching up to do xxx
     
  2. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    I think you are spot on.

    We all have our own opinions and views, but we need to be sensitive to other people's opinions and views too.

    Of course you are doing the best for Luca. I left my baby to cry when I was getting him to sleep at night as well. But, I get this isn't the point of your post anyway. We all want the best for our babies, but we will all have different views on what is best for our children, just because someone has a different view to us-it doesn't mean they aren't doing the best for their child. xx
     
  3. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Hi Lulu welcome back, our little boys were born only a few days apart :) I didn't join the FB group as I prefer to keep that separate but it's a shame you've felt the need to leave. I know the sort of threads you're talking about and to be honest I have my opinion but I'd rather not get involved - I'm not here to get into big debates! My lo likes to be rocked to sleep as well so you have my sympathy! He's also going through a terrible sleep regression at the moment so I'm shattered but it's all worth it :) Hope you find the support you're looking for here x
     
  4. nicky1987

    nicky1987 Well-Known Member

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    I did a form of controlled crying with my now 2yr10 month old little girl after we had exhausted all other options! I can honestly say as heart breaking as it was at the time to listen to her upset it's actually the best thing we could of done and I will do the same with our newborn if it comes to it! Obviously when she's older!

    Unlike most of the "super mums" who don't agree with controlled crying and thinks it's cruel I had to work full time and also have a husband who works a 70 hour week. So having to lie with my little girl for up to 3 hours a night to get her to go to sleep became impossible and exhausting! We weren't getting to eat until gone 11pm and were arguing constantly! It took us 3 nights to sort her sleeping and I'm so glad!

    Don't ever let anyone judge you, being a mummy is hard enough as it is and you have to weigh up the pros and cons and figure out what works best for you! I've had alsorts of comments thrown at me for the sleep training and for putting her in a forward facing car seat at 10 months! Honestly ignore it and do what's right for you and your family!!
     
  5. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome back and here here! Unfortunately there's been a lot of it on the forum recently too, don't know if it's the same people but a few have been taken off the forum.

    Mothering is a hard enough job without judgement from others! Hope you get the help you need
     
  6. Applepie

    Applepie Active Member

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    People are free to post their views though. Just because you have done cc doesn't mean that other people can't post articles about how they feel about it? It isn't recommended under 7 months.
     
  7. Becky1

    Becky1 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear you are feeling down, hopefully you will find support on the forum. That's often all us mums need to help us through the tough times.

    There have been a few post about cc recently and there are a few mums who have tried it.

    xx
     
  8. Aimee84

    Aimee84 Well-Known Member

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    Hi and welcome back! Everybody's child is different so what works for one doesn't work for another so ignore all negative things, I'm positive your a great mum :)
     
  9. Lulu90

    Lulu90 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. Feeling much better being back on the forum xx
     
  10. Goat

    Goat Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you've been subjected to the wrath of the new wave of vigilante mums - the kind that have plenty of opinions on kids that aren't theirs and take to social media to voice them. I think we've all experienced it at some point. You have my sympathy!
     
    #10 Goat, Jan 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2016
  11. ShowingPromise

    ShowingPromise Well-Known Member

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    Aw Lulu I'm sorry that's why you left. No point going into it all here but you are most definitely not a bad mum.

    We will miss you and Luca!

    Wish you both all the very best x
     
  12. Lolie14

    Lolie14 Well-Known Member

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    I echo what SP said. No one is a bad parent when they are doing the best for their children.
     
  13. Emily0505

    Emily0505 Well-Known Member

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    At the end of the day hun, it's your baby, your family so do it your way.

    Some of the threads in here recently have been absolutely ridiculous.

    A difference of opinion is fine but it's easy to put it across in a way that doesn't make others feel like shit.

    But hey, some people just can't help themselves!!

    We didn't use CC with Cam but I would give him five minutes to settle down before I went back to him. I had previously been rushing back to him the second he started fussing but then figured I just needed to give him a few minutes to have the opportunity to settle himself.

    There were a few nights it didn't work and hubby would have to take over it I would just lie on the floor next to his cot until he fell asleep!

    XX
     
  14. Lulu90

    Lulu90 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I used to be the same Emily, but the sheer exhaustion is what made me try this. I can't physically rock him for 25 minutes, he's huge and I'm tiny, my arms do be ready to break! He's only ever cried for 10 minutes the once, but seeing as there are never tears, I'd say it's more of a whinge, because he can see me, but I don't feel comfortable leaving the room just yet. Now we usually have a whinge for 2-3 minutes and he's off. Such a great sleeper now, he sleeps from 9pm-9am. I have to put him in his pram asleep to bring him to his childminder at 7am every morning lol. Oh to be a Luca eh, living the life haha xx
     
  15. caseysmummy11

    caseysmummy11 Well-Known Member

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    Glad your back hun. I'm sorry you were made to feel that way. It's very hard especially when it's all new. My son was terrible and we co slept (due to no room for a cot at the time ) til he was 9 months but when we moved i tried everything to get him to fall asleep by himself as I was fed up of rocking him in the pram for 30-60 mins a night. My oh didn't like doing cc at the time so we gradually got further out the room as time went on in the end. I'm glad you've managed to solve it now though hun. I haven't had as hard of a time this time with lily. Ive always put her to bed with a white noise app which has been wonderful. We still have a few rough nights occasionally but it's usually linked to teething etc. My motto has always been I know my child best and I will do what I thinks best for them. And what works for some may not for others, my son and daughter are complete opposites in every way and what worked for him for a baby hasn't for lily for the most part. It's trial and error sometimes, don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mum as you know what's best for luca hun xxx
     
  16. Rooster30

    Rooster30 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome back. I'm sorry you've been having a rough time with your group. It hasn't been too pleasant here either lately. I know exactly what you mean with regards to certain articles and posts making you feel like turd when you absolutely are not. You are doing a super job. I had to de friend someone on Facebook who thought posting such articles was appropriate right slam in the middle of my post natal depression. My son was a tummy sleeper and we used CC (under HV guidance), according to this person I was actually the worst mom ever.

    You are doing a fab job :)
     
  17. Emily0505

    Emily0505 Well-Known Member

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    Meh, I'm a shit mum too!

    Cam's diet was mostly formula, sometimes I would leave him to cry for a few minutes, he started eating small amounts if baby rice at 4 months old, I gave him a dummy, I let him watch TV every day, sometimes he eats chocolate and takeaways and sometimes he goes on time outs! But, he's a happy, content, articulate little boy who eats well, sleeps well and loves life!!

    I've got baby number two on the way (fingers crossed) and I can certainly say I'll be doing it the way I feel is best. I'll see read the advice given by others but I'll take what I want from it and I'll not be made to feel bad for doing things in a way that I feel is best for my family!!

    Being a parent is by far the toughest thing I have ever done and as fellow mummies all going through the same thing, we need to support each other and boost each other up, not put each other down!

    XX
     
    #17 Emily0505, Jan 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2016
  18. Lulu90

    Lulu90 Well-Known Member

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    That's awful rooster, I'd have been fuming. Some people just don't give a damn about other people's feelings, it's all 'me me me'. But oh god, if it's NHS guidelines, it has to be right for every single baby on the planet. It's just awful really, we all have opinions, some stronger than others. I know better than to share mine on certain subjects. Never mind, onwards and upwards, thank you for all your lovely replies xx
     
  19. Lulu90

    Lulu90 Well-Known Member

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    Emily, you sound like a fab mummy and everything you've said is so right! Good luck with baby number 2. I was broody straight after giving birth haha xx
     
  20. kumber

    kumber Well-Known Member

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    There's a huge difference between leaving him for a few minutes when he's whinging and leaving him to cry. At no point have I ever said you're a bad mum. We have different ways of parenting but that doesn't mean your way is wrong or my way is right.

    I would very much like someone to indicate to me where I have said any of you are bad parents? I have 'controversial' views because I follow the guidelines of experts as much as I can. People ask for my opinion and I give it honestly, I don't sugar coat it. Nor am I two-faced, I'm not going to make a dig at someone's parenting, I'm going to tell them outright.

    I'm sorry you're upset and I'm sad you've left the group and deleted me off facebook, I'll miss Luca updates.


     
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