Feeling Down. New Relationship. Vasectomy Reversal.

Discussion in 'Waiting to Try' started by Maria81x, Feb 5, 2016.

  1. Maria81x

    Maria81x New Member

    Feb 5, 2016
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    I'm not really sure if it's a good idea me joining this forum, as I don't need to be obsessing over this even more than I do, but I can't talk to anyone else about it, so here I am.

    It's not really a new relationship, been a kind of long distance relationship for over a year now and I'm soon meant to be moving to be with him.

    I was with my ex for 9 years and he always took my chance of having a baby away by his behaviour and treatment of me and denying sex so it had no chance. I hate him for that, and don't want to end up feeling the same about my new partner who I do love, but because of something he did, I might once again miss out on having a baby at all, I don't like not getting a choice in it.

    My partner now, he has three kids by two women, both used him for babies which led to him having a vasectomy about 5 years ago, his younger is 4 now. I have no children but have always wanted children.

    He's told me a few times to think about how I'd feel if I didn't get to have my own children, if we couldn't. He think the vasectomy means he can never, I've told him some do go on to have kids after a reversal, but I know some probably don't either, which depresses me. Its harder being around him and his kids, because he has what I want. And as much as I love his kids, they'll never be mine.

    What am I meant to do though, leave him and hope I meet someone else and fall in love and have kids, I've said to him I can't just fall out of love with him and not want him, I want kids with the man I love, I love him.

    The thought of never having a baby though, it makes me cry a lot. And knowing he's shared that with those two with his kids makes me feel so jealous and annoyed, even though I shouldn't I know, but I can't help how I feel. Something I might never get to have with him or anyone.

    He's said he would be willing to try a reversal, but in a few years. Which will then be about 7 years since his op then I know it can take a while for things to happen if they're going to. I'm 34 now so want to get a move along. But I don't want him thinking it's all about me wanting a baby with him as that's all his ex's wanted him for babies and money.
    And it's not that with me, I want him, I just want us to share the most special thing in the world to me, having a baby.

    It gets put into random conversations, the fact he can't give me kids and it hurts every time he says it, and he wouldn't know that hurt because he has kids and he's not a woman.

    I just don't know what to think, or do or say anymore. I just sit stressing about it all and getting upset that it might never happen and seeing him and his kids and their mums go about life, while I have nothing.

    I know I can't say to him have the reversal now because he'll think I just want a baby and I'm pushing it. I don't want to seem like some crazy loonie baby wanting case, flashing everything baby related in his face.

    Maybe waiting a year would be ok then bringing it up. I plan on asking him to have a good think about if he really wants to be with someone who wants a baby, I know he really wants to be with me though so can't imagine him saying no. He said once a week ago when we briefly spoke about it that he's not against having another child, its if he can.

    I don't even know what I'm asking, or if I'm just rambling on, sorry if I am. And thank you for reading.
    #1 Maria81x, Feb 5, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
  2. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

    Mar 10, 2016
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    Is there any reason why he is is thinking of waiting a few years before getting the reversal? Would you consider maybe showing him this thread so you dont have to find the words to tell him but he can read it all and understand things from your perspective that you might not have otherwise explained to him? I hope things work out for you and there will be a positive outcome. I am the same age as you too so I understand the need

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