Feeling awful

[Ann30]

Hi all,

I'm sorry for such a depressing post, I really can't help it tho immfeeling so depressed. I thought I was doing ok I started a new job which I been throwing myself into and just been on holiday but when I was there literally all I could think about was havin a baby and lying awake at night with the deep fear that it will never happen. I feel so alone I don't have any one to talk to about it, when I try to talk to hubby he just says lets be positive. I'm on my second round of clomid but I actually ovulate any way but my fertility doc said she wanted to try me on it any way.
I don't know if the clomid is making me worse I just bawled non stop for an hour, the kind of crying that makes u feel exhausted after. Everyone thinks, and please don't think im being big headed, that I am really confident happy and got loads of great stuff going on but deep down I'm just constantly sad.
Is any one else feeling like this or have been on clomid and it affected your mood loads? I just need to know I'm not alone just for a bit and if u have any tips on how to be positive I would really appreciate it.
Sorry again for such an utterly depressing post xxx

 

[naomip]

Hi Hun, I'm. So sorry you're feeling down. Ttc is so bloody hard and can feel so lonely. I feel down a lot also and feel like my oh doesn't really understand how hard it is and what an emotional toll it takes. I haven't started clomid yet but my doctor wants to put me on it next month, I also ovulate naturally but she wants me to try and produce more eggs. I've read that clomid can give you bad mood swings and hot flushes. There's a clomid thread on here, try posting in there, the girls might be able to help. I read a great book which really helped my positivity called 'trying to get pregnant and suceeding' by Marisa Peer. It's all about how positive thinking can really affect ttc. I'd definitely recommend it, it really helped me. You can download it on the kindle.

You're taking steps in the right direction by taking clomid, I'm sure your bfp is just around the corner. Good luck Hun x x x

 

[Clairabella]

I am sorry that you are feeling down TTC is tough and I think the most difficult part is the fact that we don't have an end date all we can do is keep trying.
I have had periods when I felt very down and have been very upset this is often when I have heard about pregnancy announcements. I always tell myself that this period will pass and usually in a few days I feel better I took up a hobby of horse riding and I go to the gym or take the dog for a walk all of these take my mind away from TTC. Since we started I have allowed myself to buy extra treats my theory is that if my friends are all having babies I'm having that new handbag and sunglasses ha ha
I would also recommend acupuncture I started it a couple of mths ago for my IVF and I can honestly say that since starting this I don't feel as upset and a lot more balanced.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you get a BFP soon xx

 

[Ann30]

Ah thanks guys I do feel quite a bit better today to be honest. More balanced and much less despairing! I have Friday off so I'm having a me day iv booked a facial and massage so really looking forward to that. I just cannot bear the whole ttc thing I would not wish infertility on any one it's soul destroying. Hopefully when we all get our much longed for children we will look back on this time and just feel pure relief that we never have to go thru it again. Here's to our bfp's very soon xxxxx

 

[Blueflower]

I am feeling the same way this week. Telling someone who has been TTC for ages to try not to think about it is like telling someone who hasn't eaten for several days to try not to feel hungry!

AF arrived on Tuesday, then on Wednesday my mum started going on about what carry cot she wanted to get us and asked if we could do 'Grandma and Mummy things' together! I just looked her straight in the eyes and said "THERE ISN'T ANY BABY!" Its so insensitive! She's guessed we are trying but I haven't told her about any of the tests or appointments we've had because she worries and makes it worse.

 

[Clairabella]

Sorry AF turned up blueflower your mum sound like mine.... Always looking at baby clothes etc.

Ann30 your 'me' day sounds just perfect have a fab day xx

 

[gemmainthesun]

Its so natural to feel that way, im constantly up and down, theres just been another 4 or 5 announcments on fb, and I just wanna go mad sometimes. We haved just been away and had a nice time and it did relax me but then I caught myself thinking that nice as holidays and stuff are, there abit boring, as in there great but superficial, I need something more meaningful in my life now than a constant roun d of nice restaurants, sun sea sand, cocktails...it really doesnt fill this baby shaped hole to be honest. I just wanna get on with this frozen transfer now. But yeah, just go with the flow i suppose, somedays i feel great somedays not xx

 

[Potternutter]

Hi girls, hope you don't mind me popping in here but this group was so supportive to me and really helped me many times - I tried for 2 years and know exactly how upsetting it is.

Blueflower, I used to think the same about my mum, but I ended up telling her after the bad Hystosalpinogram results and i'm so glad I did - she stopped all the very unsubtle hints and was an absolute rock. I know what you mean about upsetting her, but i'm sure she would rather know as she would hate to think of upsetting you!

Baby dust to all xx

 

[Jacq23]

Its so natural to feel that way, im constantly up and down, theres just been another 4 or 5 announcments on fb, and I just wanna go mad sometimes. We haved just been away and had a nice time and it did relax me but then I caught myself thinking that nice as holidays and stuff are, there abit boring, as in there great but superficial, I need something more meaningful in my life now than a constant roun d of nice restaurants, sun sea sand, cocktails...it really doesnt fill this baby shaped hole to be honest. I just wanna get on with this frozen transfer now. But yeah, just go with the flow i suppose, somedays i feel great somedays not xx

Gemma I'm no longer on Facebook for that reason, I just couldn't deal with the announcements, scan pictures and people moaning about their pregnancy.

I'm currently on round 9 of Clomid (7 rounds before ICSI and this is the second after) and now Metformin too. It shortened my cycle to 8 weeks then last month to 28 days. First 28 day cycle in years. But now AF is 8 days late, and I am too scared to test. Not just because I think it will be negative but because my dad killed himself on Friday and I can't bear any more crap news. Who knows when or if AF will ever make another appearance. So sorry to bring the mood down but just had to get it out there. Sorry girls.

Xx

 

[TINKS82]

Its so natural to feel that way, im constantly up and down, theres just been another 4 or 5 announcments on fb, and I just wanna go mad sometimes. We haved just been away and had a nice time and it did relax me but then I caught myself thinking that nice as holidays and stuff are, there abit boring, as in there great but superficial, I need something more meaningful in my life now than a constant roun d of nice restaurants, sun sea sand, cocktails...it really doesnt fill this baby shaped hole to be honest. I just wanna get on with this frozen transfer now. But yeah, just go with the flow i suppose, somedays i feel great somedays not xx

Gemma I'm no longer on Facebook for that reason, I just couldn't deal with the announcements, scan pictures and people moaning about their pregnancy.

I'm currently on round 9 of Clomid (7 rounds before ICSI and this is the second after) and now Metformin too. It shortened my cycle to 8 weeks then last month to 28 days. First 28 day cycle in years. But now AF is 8 days late, and I am too scared to test. Not just because I think it will be negative but because my dad killed himself on Friday and I can't bear any more crap news. Who knows when or if AF will ever make another appearance. So sorry to bring the mood down but just had to get it out there. Sorry girls.

Xx

Omg jacq im so sorry hun, I hope u are ok I dont know what to say, such a horrible time for u and I feel ur pain as I lost my dad 5 years ago, hardest thing ive had to go through. All I can say is time is a healer and remember all the happy memories, its hard I know but keep strong, u will get through this and we are all here for u to lean on xx

 

[Jacq23]

Thanks Tinks, I just can't accept it is real, he was such a gentle-natured good and honourable man and took his life in such a horrifically violent way. But my even greater sadness is that he will never see my sister's baby (she is 24 weeks and has been trying more than 4 years, failed ICSI and a tube op so it is a very special baby). He will never see my son in his school uniform when he starts school this September. He has lost so much and we think driven to it by being encouraged to resign from his job of 35 years. Just so sad and we will fight to restore his honour, pride and respect.

Thank you for your support though xx

 

[TINKS82]

I think the same hun, my dad will never get to meet my children if and when I get to have them. But our dads will still be with us in heart and spirit and will always be looking down on us every step of the way Xx

 

[Blueflower]

Hi girls, hope you don't mind me popping in here but this group was so supportive to me and really helped me many times - I tried for 2 years and know exactly how upsetting it is.

Blueflower, I used to think the same about my mum, but I ended up telling her after the bad Hystosalpinogram results and i'm so glad I did - she stopped all the very unsubtle hints and was an absolute rock. I know what you mean about upsetting her, but i'm sure she would rather know as she would hate to think of upsetting you!

Baby dust to all xx

Thank you but I can't tell her because she has a personality disorder and everything is about her. Last time I confided in her about a breakup she said it was my fault, I was too boring, I shouldn't have slept with him etc then kept on about it for months. She is very controlling and tried to commit suicide once when my sister and I stood up for ourselves. If I told her we were having trouble TTC I'd be worried she would say it was my fault somehow. It does make the whole journey so much more difficult for me but I try to stay cheerful!