I didn't know when I could/should admit this, but I have been struggling to come to terms with Damien's entrance into the world. I had a great birth experience don't get me wrong, but weeks of bleeding, weeks of contractions and on/off labour, then weeks of hospital for Damien took it's toll on me, aswell as losing yet another baby. I saw the doctor yesterday (Friday) and have been diagnosed with PND and I am back on two types of anti-depressants that I used to be on before I got pregnant with Damien I feel like I have failed myself by not being able to cope without them. I have so many thoughts and feeling in my head I don't even know where to start. I guess it is the best thing for me if I'm feeling bad, and with a history of depression I should have gone to see the doctor sooner. My trouble is because I've had depression since I was 13, I can hide it well. I don't often talk about how I feel. HV's have been informed. I was terrified they would take Damien away from me (sounds stupid doesn't it), but when I had full blown depression through my teens I could barely look after myself, let alone a baby. I did some bad things to myself in the past which I am not proud of but I am scared they will come back to haunt me and people will think I cannot cope with Damien. Strangely, he is what keeps me going, even though his birth is what's messed me up. Don't know what the point of this post is, just needed to get it out. Not often I am awake and up at 5am anymore. Thanks for listening.