FEEL LIKE A FALIURE

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by leanne, Feb 17, 2006.

  1. leanne

    leanne Well-Known Member

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    my oh has just had to take zack out in the car coz i cant cope. zack has been crying and feeding for the past 2-3 hours solid. if he isnt on the breast he is crying like in pain. i changed his nappy before and there was no poo but he weed a hell of a lot while nappy was off. it went everywhere. think that eased some of the pain but my nipples areso sore that even him latching on has me in tears. im in tears typing now coz i dont know what to do. i have the midwife visiting tomorrow but what am i gonna do til then? feel like such a bad person and that im doing everything wrong. i feel like a faliure. :cry: :cry: :cry:
     
  2. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    oh honey you are not a failure.

    a majority of new mums (and old ones like me) feel the same. i cried when i left the hospital with my first child. i felt so safe and secure there that i didnt want to be let out on my own.

    i think that we are conditioned to think that if we cant stop the baby crying, produce the perfect child etc, then we are a failure. repeat after me that you are a good mum. the most important thing is that you know that you love zack. dont forget you have only met this little one for 3 days and he has only been outside for 3 days and it will take a while for you both to adjust to this. sorry for rambling.

    i have been told by the midwife that babies on breast milk either poo once a week or 10 times a day (my boy does this), it is quite natural, plus the gaps inbetween breast feeding are shorter than bottle fed baby. and i bet you havent even got your proper milk in yet.

    speak to you midwife, she is there to help. she might even tell you that you have baby blues. dont suffer on your own. speak to the midwife.

    let me know how you get on. remember you are not on your own.

    x
     
  3. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    My baby was like that and I eventually just though sod it and gave her a bottle and that was the end of it. She was really hungry. She drank the bottle straight away and I never felt guilty when I saw the difference. She thrived on the bottle and now at 20 months is a great happy big girl.
    She also slept very well. Dont let the midwife though talk you into continuing with the breastfeeding if its not what you want.

    Good luck

    Laura
     
  4. leanne

    leanne Well-Known Member

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    thank you so much davina. i love zack to bits but find myself getting worked up when i cant make him happy and satisfy his needs. i hate myself for getting worked up. sitting here with nipple cream on while oh has zack out in the car. my oh can see im getting upset and tries to help. we have got all the bottles in the steriliser at the mo. plus we have a few dummies too. thing is zack is only 3 days old and dont know if it is right to give such a small baby a dummy even if it is to save my poor nipples?!
     
  5. sarahx500

    sarahx500 Well-Known Member

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    big hug leanne

    yr not on yr own, we've all been there i think and i no it feels like theres no end to it but it realy duz get better...

    my youngest was the same he cried and screamed for hours , i felt like i was going mad , i used to take him out in the car and he'd go straight to sleep!...

    if u get really desperate u cud always ring the maternity ward im sure they'd help..

    we're on here if u want to talk dont suffer on yr own plzz

    xx
     
  6. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    i forgot to add Leanne that i breast and bottle feed liam. i got a really good nipple cream from the midwifes when i left hospital, it is in a purple tube, its like a thick vaseline. but i agree with laura, dont continue with breast feeding if it doesnt suit you and zack. they say that if you can breast feed your baby for at least the first week then thats brilliant. Liam was only 7 10, but he dropped to 6 15 on just breast milk and so we made the decision to do both, and he is thriving. he is a right little pig, so much so that we were going to register him as Liam Reece Piggy.

    take care and give bottle feeding a go, see if there is an improvement.

    x
     
  7. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    Im sure the dummy will be fine. I was told Jessica was a sucky baby and therefore it was okay to give her it. You certainly are not on your own.
    Good luck with the bottles

    Laura.
     
  8. emilia

    emilia Well-Known Member

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    Hi Leanne
    You sound so stressed out about the BF.... and I can understand why! Breastfeeding is ment to be the most natural thing, but we're never warned just how much hard work it is - physically and emosionally!!!
    You're not a failure - you're doing great!!! Why don't you find out about a BF workshop or support network near you? I love BF, but it hasn't come easy - it takes a lot out of you, but try to hang in there. Your milk should come through any day. It sounds as if Zach isn't latched on properly. Ask the HV to help you with that!!
    Bottles are ofcourse an option if you're edgy, as the stress won't help your milk supply either. Try to relax and let nature take it's course. Once you've mastered BF, you'll find it's the next best thing since sliced bread!!
    Good luck
    Emilia xx :wink:
     
  9. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    when you give zack a dummy, once he has taken it into his mouth, just put your finger over the top of it to hold it so he starts sucking on it. just keep repeating this if he spits it out and eventually zack should take to it. we give liam a dummy but we have really pushed it onto him.
     
  10. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    just think when zack is 6 months old you could get him one of these dummies. i think i will buy a couple for liam


    http://www.babysmiles.co.uk/

    xjust trying to make you smile honey.

    x
     
  11. leanne

    leanne Well-Known Member

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    thank you for all the advice and support. i think the fact that i havent had a good nights sleep for a good while is starting to get to me. hopoe they come back soon i am lonely. strange that i hear zack scream and it makes me want to cry, now there is silence i want to hear the little bugger!!!! trying to stay usy, got 2 bunches of flowers delivered today so gonna try and find vases for them and put them on display.
     
  12. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    Hunny the first few weeks are the hardest, hormones all over the place and lack of sleep is a killer. when i had Jamie i didnt sleep one wink from the sunday night right through to the thursday night....i was a wreck and felt like i couldnt cope at all!
    I know it doesnt feel like it now but things will get better honest!

    Steph x
     
  13. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    If he is wee'ing loads then that is a good sign to say that he is getting fed ok. he's only 3 days old and till adjusting to the world. it does get better the first 2 weeks are hell. but it dos ease.
    breast feeding has to be learnt its not as 'natural' as people say! if there is a breast feeding coucillor locally or with you midwife centre as to see her she may be able to help.

    after a week i had blleding nipples and at 6 weeks mastitis but i got through it with a lot of support from hubby and ewan is still feeding a 6 months old.

    don't lose heart i felt like i was a complete failure and was also made to feel worse by midwives and health visitors. your hormone are every where at the mo.. give your self a chance and see if you can get to have a bath or just even 40 mins to your self it helps!

    good luck
     
  14. leanne

    leanne Well-Known Member

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    thanx for words of support, feeling alot happier now coz i know my milk is in yipee!!!! im a really happy mummy! god still cant believe im a mummy!! zack now sleeps as soon as he has been fed which is a great huge weight off my shoulders. at least my nipples now have chance to settle down.
     
  15. xSuzx

    xSuzx Well-Known Member

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    Hi leanne

    just read your post glad your feeling better, I had alittle trouble with my first breastfeeding session at home but I found it alot easier once the midwife had been round and gave me some advice.

    It can be very difficult with a baby at first esp as your emotions are all over the place, the best advice I can give any mum is if your having trouble with anything never be afraid to ask for help, we all need it at some time even if it isn't our first baby.

    never suffer in silence there are always people that are willing to help in any way they can, and asking for it does not make you a failure.

    hope everything keeps getting betterfor you

    xSuzx
     
  16. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    So glad things have settled down for you!

    BF can be very hard at first, especially as it hurts for a little while.
     

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