Feel a failure

[Tiny Sue]

Hey guys...

My appointment for psychiatric assessment arrived today. I have suffered from anxiety for the last 20 years, almost, and had recovered with therapy, but following a succession of hard blows in the last five years, culminating in the stress of getting married, moving to a new town and getting pregnant, I have had a set back. Bouts of anxiety have begun to affect my life and before they affect our relationship, I want to get them dealt with.
When the appointment arrived today, I was so sad. I cried on OH's chest for about 20 minutes, and he just held me. It's such a stigma, and I feel a failure that I've had a setback and can't get stuff together on my own. I hate going in and having anyone poke around the most private part of me - my head. I know it's for the best, but I'm petrified and I can't tell why, really. I know it will be okay. I guess it's just the bother of having to go in and bare my soul to someone I don't know.

Anyhow, was feeling down again. I needed to set it down somewhere. This wasn't exactly a rant, and it doesn't matter if no-one answers. I've written it down and acknowledged it.

Need a hug...

Sue

 

[LouisecH]

Hi Sue

Please don't feel a failure. You're facing up to something which isn't easy and that takes a lot of strength.

Anything which could be categorised as a mental illness always has stigma attached and it shouldn't. If you were physically ill you would get nothing but sympathy.

People don't understand illnesses like depression and anxiety but think they do because the terms are used in every day language to describe feeling a bit down or a bit worried.

Anxiety and depression are both associated with chemical changes in the brain and are therefore not easy things to control.

You are doing well and acknowlegement is more than the first step to recovery. Well done you and ((())).

Now cheer up and revel in your lovely baby and husband. Everything is going to be fine.

 

[SarahB]

Hi Sue, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, it must be awful for you. Sending you a big hug (((((((( )))))))))

Love Sarah xxxxx

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Hi Sue

I'm not surprised that your feelings of anxiety have come back up as a result of your pregnancy.

I too have days where I am a bit off-balance as a result of all the changes inside me. We are walking around in a body we don't recognise and also carrying a child we don't yet know and we are going to be parents.

If anyone isn't the slightest bit daunted by that then they are doing really well, because even though I am ready to be a mum, it is still very daunting!

I think it is great that you have recognised that you do have a problem, as my father has suffered with anxiety and depression all his life but never really admitted it and got any treatment for it and he is now sectioned in a mental hospital, getting the medication he should have been on 25 years ago! I'm not saying that this will happen to you of course, but I do know what you are going through. Keep getting help. You will find a way through this.

We are all right behind you as always. Sending the biggest hugs possible your way.

 

[Jessika]

(((hug)))

xxxxxxxx

 

[LouisecH]

Hi Sue

Just wondering if you're feeling a little better today.
Hey, it's the weekend

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hey guys...

I actually do feel much better today. yesterday was a little unreal but today I'm more positive. This problem of mine surfaces intermittently anyway so my bad days always seemed to move in a cycle. I guess just getting the notification of the appointment gave me a bit of a downer.

My brothers and sister have just called in and spent a couple of hours here admiring the few little baby clothes I've bought and making a fuss of me generally...I feel much better as a result...silly me, maybe I just need attention!

Thanks for all the support and help, it's so nice to hear a validation of our feelings and problems on here, rather than the usual pooh-pooh of people who say "it's not really that bad, is it?" or "it's just a phase". Thanks for listening and being a shoulder (or a lot of shoulders).

Sue

 

[Tiny Sue]

According to the psychiatrist, I am normal!

He said that the worries I've experienced are a normal part of changes in life like getting married and having children, moving to a new place etc.

He then went on to say that the only thing he'd recommend was getting out a bit more, and cultivating a confidante, as I don't have any close friends.

Who knew? I'm a little surprised but fairly well relieved. I DID get the feeling that he was making little of how I've been feeling on and off but a serious professional is of the opinion that I don't need referral to a therapist, just to get out a bit more.

Talk about weird.
I feel as though I've been all melodramatic for nothing. Strange, really.

Sue

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Well you have loads of close friends! All of us.

I can be your confidante if you like. If you want to spill it all out. PM me. You will probably discover that every single thing you have worried about, has gone through my head as well.

Having a baby is the biggest life-changing event we will go through. Even more life-changing than marriage and divorce (you can get out of them ). It is no wonder we feel daunted.

I am 110% sure that you are completely normal as well