fed up of 'advice'

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by pixie17, Dec 10, 2011.

  1. pixie17

    pixie17 Well-Known Member

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    is anyone else getting fed up of 'advice'? anyone who has had a baby seems to just want to tell me how i feel, how i will feel and what i should and shouldnt do. i am getting really fed up of it! reading your posts, its clear that there are a range of feelings and emotions with each pregnancy. why dont people realise this and that one womans experience of pregnancy isnt the same as another womans? i had a very sore back two weeks ago. when i told my mother in law (who is in another country btw) she immediatley said; "thats because he is lying on your nerves', it wasnt actually, it was becuase I have a weak back as i slipped a disc last year. last night my sister in law started telling me how i wont get much sleep soon...actually, im sleeping pretty well as i have sussed out where i need to put pillows etc. i find it pretty insulting when people try to tell me how i feel and how i am going to feel - i do have a mind of my own!!! :wall2:
     
  2. eldraW

    eldraW Well-Known Member

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    Aw bless u hun. I would hate tht and as of yet nobody has been like that with me and i dont think they would dare lol. I have also made it quite clear that when baby comes along i dont want people 'telling me what to do' with our baby. I am all ears if people would like to advise me what to do as it is my first baby and i know at times i will be asking whats best and what not. But i would hate for someone to tell me i was doing something wrong and i wasnt doing a certain thing right. If u get me?

    Big hugs hun and try not to get stressed about it :) xxx
     
  3. rosiee

    rosiee Well-Known Member

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    ugh yes me too!!! most Im ok with, i know people are only trying to help most of the time, but Ive had a few moments with people where I will tell them how Im feeling, like I started feeling breathless a few weeks back, and I was told 'its too early for you to feel like that' like I was lying or something! Also, I work in the body shop, and was chatting to woman about the pregnancy, and she asked me what I was using to wash in the shoer, so I showed her which shower gel I used and she told me it was dangerous and would damage my baby?!?! she was really rude about it and had a bit of a go, which really wound me up. I've looked into it and its fine!!! I was talking the other day as well about some ice cream i'd eaten the day before, and was told I should be eating healthier for the baby. Im very good most of the time, but Im allowed a few treats!! ugh people are frustrating sometimes. sorry for the rant! but i know how you feel!! haha :D xxx
     
  4. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    I have to let it go in one ear out of the other... everyone keeps saying 'are you excited' and when i say no its 'oh you will when its born' ... im anxious and want the baby to be here but the fear outways the excited part of me! I also keep having people telling me what labour will be like, one lass was like 'its not that bad you can do it without painkillers' i though F**K you it won't hurt i dont know if it will yet but if it does i will take any pills they throw at me! Maybe it wasn't bad for her but everyone is different.
    I just ignore it tho and smile and say yeh. I'm going to do things my way in the end so there wasting there time but i think they are only trying to help.
     
  5. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    I'm sick of people telling me how 'amazing' it's going to be and how my 'life's going to change' and how 'it's the best thing you'll ever do!' I am aware of this I don't need every other person telling me!

    Also people saying 'not long now' really get my goat! How the hell do you know? Especially when after they ask what my DD is!!!


     
  6. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    I have to admit, people are getting on my nerves a lot. I don't know what's worse, people that already have kids, people that don't or parents!

    People that do - you get the sleep comments, get used to that comments, I seem to get a lot of people try to put me off bf as they didn't (each to their own but give me a chance!) and my favourite...you won't be able to do that anymore when baby arrives :roll:

    People that don't - god I just grind my teeth lol. Last night I was told why my baby is breech and how he'll move before and what they'll do if he doesn't, as if they know exactly what the consultant will suggest :wall: What pain relief am I taking?

    Parents - we didn't do that in my day. Funny seeing as it was 28 plus years ago! Like you should just ignore mw advice and go with theirs.

    Lol god I'm obviously more wound up than I thought! :lol: I don't mind advice, I really don't. I just don't like the way some people are adamant that what they think is right. It almost feels like you're being belittled.

    I agree, every pregnancy is completely different. Some girls have symptoms from day dot, I had none really until about 6 weeks. Some get sore boobs, constipation, SPD, no symptoms, heartburn. None of us have had the same pregnancies.

    x
     
    #6 Olive, Dec 11, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2011
  7. JoJo79

    JoJo79 Well-Known Member

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    Know how you feel ladies! this is baby number 3 for me and im still getting all the "helpful advice"

    I prob have tried to be "helpful" in the past with friends but stopped cos like you all say no two pregnancies/deliveries/babys are the same,

    Each to their own for choice of pain relief/feeding etc,

    Some people really do make you feel like everything you think/feel/want to do with your baby is wrong,

    Imo tell them all to f off lol xxx
     
  8. pixie17

    pixie17 Well-Known Member

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    Olive, you are right, it is like you are being belittled, thats how i feel anyway. I am a capable intelligent woman who has done many things for the the first time and Im still standing! Although i havent had children before it does not mean i am clueless about what i am doing. It feels like the further i go along in my pregnancy all people see is a big glowing 'dummie' sign above my head - it is infuriatung! I really wish people would back off! I dont mind advice, but what i do mind is how adamant people are about how their advice is right and get really judgemental if you do not agree. I am of the opinion that the majoity of women will automaticaly want to do what is best for their child but no one way is the right way. There are many variables involved in pregnancy and bringing up children. So instead of people insisting what is right and wrong how about giving support to the mother for the decisions they make?! :mad:
     
  9. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to gate crash, I do remember being annoyed with everyone who was giving me advice. It is true though that most likely the last weeks you won't get much sleep for different reasons. But everyone is different as well.
    Some ladies enjoy pregnancy some not. Motherhood is difficult and I won't lie I have my down moments but when my little boy smiles at me, I forgive him everything. Hope you are enjoying it ladies, not long to go now (sorry, couldn't resist :)) Just ignore people , it's like everyone has an opinion on how big/small you are, name you have chosen etc
     
  10. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Have to say it gets worse esp with health visitors /mw, they all have conflicting advice and when you are tired/your baby isn't right, it's the last thing you want. I wish I would have listened to my gut more.
     
  11. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    Hope you're both doing well Knopk xxx
     
  12. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    We are much better, thanks hun. Now I am just going with my gut feeling and also found decent GP.
    Cant believe you are 34 weeks, I remember you writing about your bfp!
     
  13. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    Glad you're doing ok :hug:

    Ah thanks lovely. 35 tomorrow! Can't wait til he's here now. Breech atm so hoping he turns!

    xx
     
  14. Hunnie

    Hunnie Well-Known Member

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    The best thing I've had said to me throughout my pregnancy was "have you gone through the suicidal depressed stage yet because if so you are nearly ready". I could really relate to what she said as I have suffered with being depressed through the pregnancy and it made me realise I wasn't the only one who had felt that way as I think a lot of people don't like to admit stuff like that.

    Through being sick I got fed up of people telling me to keep ginger biscuits by the bed and insisted that they worked. They didn't and actually just burned my throat even more when I was eventually sick lol. A lot of people also didn't listen to me when I said nothing worked and insisted on other alternatives. Absolutely feck all worked and I'm pretty sure I tried pretty much everything!! The only thing that helped was music and patience and OH or my mum holding my hair and rubbing my back lol.

    Ive also got sick of the advice people give that I shouldn't be doing as much as I am when it comes to lifting and doing the horses. I know my own limits and don't need them to tell me when enough is enough - I know that myself and stop when i know its too much. I like to think that me being active throughout the pregnancy and still hoping to be very active up until the last minute will make my labour easier, it might be wishful thinking but I'm sticking by it lol!
     
  15. JoJo79

    JoJo79 Well-Known Member

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    Hey Hunnie actually think your right bout the keeping active bit, labour is bloody hard work physically so if your active til the end i reckon its all good!

    Know how you feel bout being depressed throughout pregnancy too, i felt so down when i first got caught but didnt wanna say cos i felt guilty with everyone telling me how amazing it is!

    Sad fact is everyone will have an opinion on what we think/feel and lots of people will try and forct their views on it

    I also just smile sweetly and nod while letting it all go in one ear and out the other! xx
     

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