Fathers Access....whats acceptable?

[LucyAnn]

as the title says, still dont know for sure if babys dad wants any involvement etc but as im 39 weeks and not heard anything promising i am not holding my breath.

However do not want to stand in way of access etc and when i took advice from citizens advice bureau they said access was complety up to me, there is not an 'average'.

I would just like a set routine, day and time, and would just like to know if i suggest once a week or once evry two weeks to see baby etc whats acceptable, what are you suggesting to your ex's or what are your arrangements now?

I know its my life looking ahead and overall my decision but would love to know how you all handle it and with that side of the family like grandparents seeing baby etc,

My head is defo in the right place willing if he wanst to be involved just need to help decide on how often so if he asks i have answers ready. Im sick of living on eggshells and when i last saw him he threatened he would and can hsow up whenever the F he likes when baby is here
xxxxxxx

 

[KellyHook]

Hey Hun, Not really sure what to suggest as acceptable, but definitely make sure you have set days and times, not just when he decideds to have LO!

My Brother see's his son every sunday and stays till monday afternoon and every thursday and also one friday night every month!

My SIL daughter see's her dad every monday night and stays till tuesday morning and every other weekend.


Its really up to you hun! xx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

When we first split, K was 11 months and i was 36 weeks preg! He saw her on Sunday's, think it was 9-3 to allow time for getting her home for tea! Wen E was born, he was allowed to the hosp whenever he wanted (within reason), but as soon as we were out I was really strict and said every Sunday I'd bring her to
Him and stay for an hour or so with her and then K stayed Til about 3.30! The drop off time
Wasn't set tho as I had to babies to get ready! Eventually I started leaving E fr a couple of hours ad then for the day! I think wen they're newborn it's important you stay with them as men take a while to adjust to a baby!

We're now up to him picking them up Friday afternoon and dripping them off Saturday evening! It's been a really slow process tho! I've actually got to have a word with him via he keeps deciding to work Saturday's!

Whatever you decide hun, my vest advice is if he does decide he wants access, be really strong right from the start! I've had fob turn up unannounced and have turned him away! It killed me to do it, but ge needed to know he couldn't just turn up when he felt like it!

 

[LucyAnn]

Thank you both After no contribution i saw him last a month ago when he showed up was aggressive and abbusive etc.He contacted me yest opologising for behaviour and asked to see me last night, i said yes.He was completely the man i had known before not the horrible thing that showed up a month ago. he kept feeling baby, and babys kick etc hugged me a few times and said he had contacted me as his sister in the morning mentioned there was only 6 days till due date and he said that flicked a switch, in his head he just though oh its next month, lots of time yet etc.(Reality hitting him made me laugh!! bloody men)Well he seemed really amicable he was just amazed by my bump absolutley so excited which he has never been before.Seeing him again tonight to i presume get down to nitty gritty of access, maybe names of baby and stuff and looking forward etc, i will also tell him about the extra stress ive had of growth scans etc.I still think its very weird that one time he can come accross so nice and the next time so disrepectful like splite personality. And he is not coming into my home tonight i dont trust him that much! last time he was in flat he threw something aggressively in kitchen.Sad to know my baba wont have a 24/7 father but will always do the best for little one. And dont worry ladies wont be letting all me guards down as once a prick always a prick lol!!and will defo keep what you say on board about being stern etc, gonna be hard espesh when i've seen how excited he seemed last night. He must feel horrid too that he wont be there 24/7 for baby either.I wish me and him could have had this convo months ago as its put so too much stress on me over the time! xxxxxxxx