Father to be and were drifting apart.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by geordie1892, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. geordie1892

    geordie1892 New Member

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    Hi everyone. A bit daunting for me all this but I'm sure someone could shed some light on my problem.
    We're 11 weeks pregnant. My first her second.
    In my eyes we were the best couple in the world. Happy constantly, laughing, we're so interconnected it's unreal. She's my best friend on top of all that but that's what makes this so hard.
    We used to not be able to get enough of each other and Nearly every night we'd have sex and it was always unreal!
    Recently though it's become a bit of an issue. She goes nowhere near me and she started joking that I was moody because I "wasn't getting any".
    A couple of weeks went by and we argued. That same comment was brought up and I told her I was actually quite insulted by that.
    A few days went by and she tried it on after she had a shower. All I said was "not quite yet".
    She immediately took offence by that. I explained that I said I didn't want to because I didn't want it to happen just to keep me happy, all was OK after that and we dropped it.
    So we did have sex 2 weeks ago and she had a little blood. We got a scan and all was ok and it was explained it was more than likely blood vessels.
    She's a big Google fan and is constantly on seeing what things could be.
    So she knows that it's highly unlikely that sex can harm the baby.
    We had a row yesterday because I tried it on the night before and she said she was going to sleep. as I tried to poor my heart out and tell her that i feel we're drifting away. She said the lack of sex and affection is down to her being tired and my moods. We sorted things out, got a lot of things off our chest and announced our undying love etc etc.
    Now tonight we were in bed for two hours and absolutely nothing happened again. She puts it down to being tired and I know I can't understand what this does to a woman but she is asleep by 9 every night and up at 7am maybe 8. We had two hours tonight but nothing was instigated.
    Everything I say to her her answer is "I'm pregnant". I just feel lost, alone and even like a sex pest now. I've told her it's not about the sex it's the closeness, I miss her so much and just want a little bit of her back.
    Any help would be great and don't hesitate to ask me something that might shine a light on this.
     
  2. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    Heya, I'm sorry your feeling like this but I can honestly promise you that she does love you and care for you. My partner will know exactly how you feel. I'm not pregnant but our sex life has gone now a bit and he says the exact same thing that you have done. When I was pregnant and before I miscarried, I couldn't stand the thought of sex at all. Not because of my partner but because I simply "could not be bothered" it really does take everything you have. She is probably spending time worrying, thinking and stressing over other stuff that when she does finally crawl into bed she is exhausted from the physical part of the day but also the mental thoughts also. Normally the first tri women go off sex I know I did with one but not the other pregnancy which also ended in miscarriage. But soon her body will start going back to "normal" when she goes into tri 2 and she will probably perk up again. It ha nothing to do with you and she probably misses it like you but give her time and affection without suggesting sex an you will probably find an Will start to miss it. That's what my partner does and it always works lol an I'm not pregnant. Time and patience, u will be fine and good luck :)
     
  3. charlene09

    charlene09 Well-Known Member

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    Hi.
    I am sorry you are feeling upset about the way your wife is being in regards to your sex life but in all honesty pregnancy will and does take all the energy you have, in my previous 2 pregnancies my sex drive completley went and I just couldnt be bothered to have sex, I remember my husband feeling exactly the same as you are feeling now. Pregnancy does but a massive strain on a relationship because you're having to deal with something you have never experienced before, the mood swings, the emotions, lack of sex.
    I can promise you though your wife will probably be missing that closeness as much as you are but unfortunatly tiredness ALWAYS wins. In 2nd trimester she SHOULD start to feel less of a strain as her hormones balance out and placenta takes over most of the work but that isn't a definite either. This pregnancy my sex drive never went but this past week or so I can feel pregnancy taking a toll over me and me being exhausted all the time, I don't want to put my husband through that again so when I had my scan today I mentioned it and asked to be prescribed iron tablets (just incase thats what causing my sudden tiredness again)

    Sorry for rambling but I hope everything works out and you have that closeness again very soon.
     
  4. Smileygirl

    Smileygirl Well-Known Member

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    I am also in the first trimester. I feel so nauseous, fat, unsexy and sooooo tired it's unreal and I can honestly say that sex is presently not that appealing!! What I do crave is love and cuddles from my hubby with no ulterior motives!! ;-)
    I am positive that your wife is just feeling a bit off sex at the moment due to pregnancy and it's nothing personal at all. Give her lots of love and snuggles, which are great alternative ways to be intimate and keep the closeness.
     
  5. Wilson28

    Wilson28 Well-Known Member

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    A relationship isnt just based on sex....

    My partner was fantastic through pregnancy n breastfeeding as i didnt fancy sex at all and my moods was all over, he waited patiently for when i was ready.

    Maybe forget about sex and touchy and start to support your wife mentally, youll soon find you will connect again and the foundation of your relationship isnt built physically!

    Cook her bfast in bed, bring her flowers, tell her shes beautiful, let her have layins, take her out etc...if you show more of this she will feel more wanted and appriciated.

    Then the happiness and cuddles will start again!im 11wks and most of the time i hate my partner and look at him and get angry but its just hormones, you wAit till the tears part start!!
     
  6. alisa

    alisa Member

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  7. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    It's hormones I promise, my hubby feels the same as you. I am 37 weeks tomorrow and I never want sex. I just am not in the mood at all. Maybe just ask for a cuddle or give her a massage and then leave her. I remember my hubby doing nice things for me and I'd think oh he wants a ex but he would get in bed and go sleep. It was nice knowing it wasn't just that he was after. It's hard on you buts it's hard on us to. We don't like making you feel like this but we are going through so much. Pregnancy is so hard on relationships but you will get through it.
     

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