Family reactions...part 2!

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by JoanneG79, Jul 29, 2013.

  1. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    Told my parents, brother and sisters at the weekend. Couldn't have had a more different reaction from the in-laws! Everyone said they were thrilled, my Mum was crying. My dad went off in search of champagne, my brother is already looking into baby clothes from his work (he is a motorbike mechanic!) and my sisters are fighting over babysitting duties!

    The only downer was when my Mum and Dad said they wanted to buy us a pram. Supposedly it is traditional for the mother's mother to buy the pram? The MIL said last week that she wanted to buy it but we said that as my parents didnt know at that point we werent saying yes or no. Now the MIL is in a huff as "she asked to buy it first". WTF? Are we in school already?

    I really want my Mum to buy it, not because my MIL is a bit of a dragon, but because my Mum feels a bit left out at times. We spent 4 nights with the in laws at New Year when we got engaged, and about 4 hours with my parents. We always seem to spend more time at my in laws as they are so much more needy than my parents. But i need my Mum at times like this!

    I dont know what to do!
     
  2. Iwant3

    Iwant3 Well-Known Member

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    when I had my first - there was only my mum (Dh mum sadly passed away) and my mum bought the pram - but my grandmother wanted to buy something too - so she got the cot.

    could you purhaps find something of equal value and use that mil could buy and ask could she possibly buy that instead? as you really need it and would appreciate it etc.
     
  3. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    My OH tried saying that there would be a lot of things that we would need that she could buy if she wants to. That was when we got the "I asked 1st" reply! I wasn't there, not sure what she would have said if i had been though!

    She won't be happy until she has bought everything and anything we could possibly need. I don't know how to nicely say, "calm down, we want to buy some of these things ourselves for our baby and not rely on you!"
     
  4. RosiePose

    RosiePose Well-Known Member

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    Do you think maybe a diplomatic solution might be to go to your mum (who seems far more laid back) and tell her that you're struggling for something else of equal importance and that you were wondering if she could help with that instead?

    Your In Law sounds like a treat!!!
     
  5. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    It probably would be the easy option but i am sick of pandering to her all the time to the detriment of my parents. I want them to come first for once! If i dont do it now, god only knows what she will try next.

    Treat isn't the word i was thinking of!
     
  6. Mummy2toddler

    Mummy2toddler Well-Known Member

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    Awwww lovely reactions :) what a pain about your in law! Saying that wish my partners parents got us something even a pack of wipes they won't & don't spend a penny! Xx
     
  7. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    I am so grateful that both sets of parents want to buy stuff for us, but in the past my in laws have paid for us to go away and its then been held against us when we didnt do what they wanted. Really dont want any drama like that when i am pregnant, might blow my top!
     
  8. Jojo84

    Jojo84 Well-Known Member

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    Traditionally the fathers parents buy the cot. My mum said she's buying the chair but if his mum does r pit h in she's going to buy the cot too.
     
  9. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    Aww crap!
     
  10. PeaPod

    PeaPod Well-Known Member

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    Glad to hear your family are so excited but its a toughy with the MIL. I was just wondering if you have any plans to baby wear as maybe you could just let your MIL get the pram but let your mum get you a lovely sling? Or as others have said, look at a cot from one set of parents? There is so much stuff to chose from that i hope you can find an amicable solution with your MIL.X
     
  11. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    Won't be using a sling, but the OH did say to his Mum that she could put money towards a cot or something else. She basically pouted at him!
     
  12. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    I'd just tell her firmly that your mum is buying the pram (or even tell her that she's already put the deposit down on 1) and that it'd be really helpful and equally appreciated if she could buy something else. If she pouts or gives off, just say 'that's fine, I take it ud rather buy nothing then?' - make her feel bad lol x

    Tapatalking from my blackberry!
     
  13. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    Why dont they go halves present from the both x

    mummy to ds 11/7/11
    pregnant *team pink* due 12/9/13
     
  14. Sophie_P

    Sophie_P Well-Known Member

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    Mother in laws infuriate me, why can't they just be nice? They do not make it easy for us at all.
    I understand about you being left out, my mum feels the same as I live closer to my mother in law so I see her more often.
    I'd be honest with your mother in law hun.
    The way my mother in law is, i'd rather her not be interested when we tell her.
     
  15. Sophie_P

    Sophie_P Well-Known Member

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    Mother in laws infuriate me, why can't they just be nice? They do not make it easy for us at all.
    I understand about you being left out, my mum feels the same as I live closer to my mother in law so I see her more often.
    I'd be honest with your mother in law hun.
    The way my mother in law is, i'd rather her not be interested when we tell her.
     
  16. Pumpkin9

    Pumpkin9 Well-Known Member

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    i'd definitely stick to your guns of this one - there's not reason your MIL can't help with something else. Think it's a good idea to say (like already suggested) that your mum has already put down a deposit, that way it's fixed in stone more and you'd end up losing money.

    Your in-laws need to know what your going to tolerate - it's pointless being in these stressful situations all the time because your MIL is thinking about herself more than what's right for both of you.

    I understand what your going through my MIL can be great sometimes, but other times she's an interfering pain in the bum who gets overly anxious and treats us like we're 5 - she also gets way to excited about some things and then runs around like she's 5 lol
     
  17. bluegirl

    bluegirl Well-Known Member

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    I have an idea - to but some time. Why don't you say that you have loads of time to buy these things, most women wait until the 20 week scan to start prepping for baby's arrival. Whether or not you are finding out the sex, why don't you tell them that you don't want anything buying until you potentially find out what you're having.

    Orrrrrr.... Why don't you ask for gift vouchers?

    Say something like "Thank you so much for the offer to buy the pram for us, we do appreciate it. But I was thinking that I'd like to go shopping with you all (MIL, Mum, you and OH) and when we have selected everything we can all chip in for the bill at the end so then it's a nice experience to be there to pick everything all together!" - this then makes everyone responsible for each purchase and you get the gifts you want without being pushed and pulled about individual items xx
     
  18. Lulubelle

    Lulubelle Well-Known Member

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    I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but seriously! She did ask first.

    It sounds like your parents are a bit more easy going so would take the suggestion that they get the cot or nursery furniture a bit better.

    At the end of the day though, you should be grateful that they want to help you out like this, many people would love to be in your situation!
     
  19. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    I know she asked first, but I am sick of pandering to her all the time. If she wants something she gets it and my parents were so excited at the thought of pram shopping as they didn't get to help out with my brother's baby. For the 1st time in over 5 years, I want to put my parents before her. Can imagine it is going to go down like a lead balloon!
     
  20. JoanneG79

    JoanneG79 Well-Known Member

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    It is bad enough that I will have to go shopping with her, wouldn't want to put my Mum through that too! We have all had dinner together a few times, that was bad enough!
     

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