dont know what to do

[Layla]

hi girls,

this isnt a pregnancy thing, but i need to vent anyway and get advice, dont know whether hormones are affecting my judgment.

as some of you know, im getting married in november so there is alot of organise and sort out.

I have orderd the dresses, got a cake, orderd the flowers, booked and paid for the church and the reception, paid for balloons, candles, table confetti, cake boxes and presants for the best man, etc

now my so called best mate of 8 years is going to be my maid of honor, but she has not helped with a thing, i have done it all on my own, the invites came this morning so i asked her if she wouldnt mind coming round to help me write them, there is 150 to write so i think im justified in asking for help.
she completely blew me off!!

now another things you may need to know is, for the past 2 weeks, i have stopped makeing hte effort to go and see her, im the one who goes to hers or asks her to call up here, if i didnt, we would not see each other.
my OH said, stop making the effort, and see if she starts for a change.

I havent seen her for 2 weeks

im really upset and annoyed by what she has done, to the point where i am thinking of asking someone else to be my maid of honor so i know the day will run smooth and i will have the suport i need.

question is, am i being a total bitch if i do this??

honest advice needed, thanks
xxx

 

I know how much of difficult position you would be in if you did this!

I, personally, would tell her that you feel it's her duty as you maid of honour, to be helping you with eveything. If you get brushed off, I think you know your answer.

Has she got a lot of things on or is she just being totally bloody minded?

 

[Layla]

i think she is jealous of the fact that im getting married and pregnant.

she spilt with her b/f coz they were not going anywhere, then in a bid to get her back he offerd her marriage and a baby.

once he had got himself back in he went back on the deal saying he didnt want marriage or kids, so now she is stuck again.

but im a realist, so im very blunt and say what needs to be said, the only person she has got to blame for her life is herself, coz she is not willing to do anything about it.

i have given her so much of my time and suport, dropped everything and rushed round to her when shes been a mess/upset or in trouble and yet i feel i have nothing back.

its just all coming to a head now and its really bothering me.

I feel for her that she cant have marriage and kids with him, but that doesnt mean she cant have it with someone else in the future if she does something about it now.

there were times where she was happy with her Oh and i had nothing and no one, i was very depressed but i was still happy for her.

If i was in teh same suitation, i would be so pleased that my best friend was happy, but she is so wrapped up in herself that she cant be happy for me, and thats what hurts.

 

She needs to pack up and move on from that guy if he won't give her what she wants in life, and she also needs to wake the f*ck up and realise about a mate she is going to mess up her friendship with.

I totally understand the way you feel. I personally would tell her that you need her here now to help you, aand if she doesn't, let it all come out - tell her how you feel and maybe she will listen then?

If not - I'll be your maid of honour!! (jk) - seriously though - I'd consider asking someone else now.

 

[Layla]

I do have someone else in mind, i have not know her long, she is one of my mates girlfriends, but she is lovely and we really get on.

she has been so suportive already about the wedding and baby and i know she would make a great maid of honnor.

only thing is, if i ask her, will she know shes second choice and be offended?

the whole thing is really hard and im even more mad at y mate now for putting me in this suitation!

 

Does she know the situation with your best mate?

Just explain to her that you don't want her to be put off that she wasn't your first choice but due to recent events you dont feel like you could go through with your best friend bing you maid of honour. I know it's a crap thing to say (you'll probably find a better way of saying it), but I think you would be better off by the sounds of things if it really isn't going to work with your best mate.

 

[Layla]

yeah i will phone her and speak to her about it later,

im not even going to bother trying to sort it with my best mate, prob childish but if she hasnt got time for me when i need her most then i havent got time to explain stuff to her.

she has pushed me to far now

 

I'm glad you decided hun. Good luck with it and good luck for your wedding more importantly! I hope it goes smoothly xx

 

[Layla]

Thanks hun
xxx

 

[Layla]

well i wasnt going to have it out with her but she can on msn so i couldnt help it,

I told her everything she had done and how i was feeling and that she had let me down.

She said sorry and now seems to be makeing the effort.

hope it lasts!

 

[Kim]

I've just seen this thread, I'm glad it was a happy ending Layla

 

[hayley]

I'd give her a chance. She's your best mate. Maybe she just needs reminding that girl friends need to stick together. She may be bottling up a lot about her boyfriend. She probably knows deep down her relationship isn't going anywhere but it can be hard to walk away. Being alone when your not use to it can be the hardest thing. All this is happening to her when her best friend is getting on with her life. Your gonna be married and have your own little family soon, she probably feels she loosing you too. Being jelous at times happens to us all - not just your best friend. Now that you have had it out with her she probably realises a bit more how she was acting. Some times it's hard to see until some one points it out. She might even feel a little embarrased now!

When it comes to help with the wedding - I was the oposite to you! I wanted to do it all alone (apart from help from my mum) One of my bridesmaids wanted to help the other wasn't bothered. But I was so fussy I wouldn't allow anyone to help but my mum. It wore me out but after the wedding I sat back and knew it was my hard work that made it a success (and my mum)

Good luck with the wedding and the baby