Don’t want to live with my husband but for my kids I’m living with him

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Bala123, Dec 16, 2019.

  1. Bala123

    Bala123 Active Member

    Apr 24, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Hi ladies
    I need some help I’m tired from my life and just living my life for my kids. I am married to my husband 7 years ago. And I it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids 6 and 2 year old. My husband is very aggressive. Whenever we have any argument he throw things on me and try to hit me. When my daughter was 2 year old we used to fought a lot, but since she is growing up and seeing everything I try to stay quiet so that my husband won’t get aggressive infront of her. He sometimes used to hit me. And I hide it from everyone from my whole family. Once I said him I’ll call the police and he is not scared of anything..
    I have decided many times to leave him but the thing which came in my mind is, i was growing up with a single parent, my mum died when I was 7 then my dad marry another woman. But I have faced many emotional and behaviour issues in myself.. I don’t want my kids to face that the only reason I’m not leaving my husband is this. I don’t want my kids to live the life I lived without any parent. I want them to live a normal life which I missed my whole life..
    my husband never respect me, never appreciate me, he is always rude with me, even when we are doing sex we never think about my pleasure, sometimes I feel like he is not interested in me.. we hardly do sex once in a month. I sometimes feel like why I have this husband he gave me money for shopping for kids and for myself and he thinks he is giving me a very good life.

    please help me ladies what I should do??? I don’t have any friend to ask this question, I feel so alone sometimes. I feel like this is my destiny and I’ll die like this
  2. vampysgirl

    vampysgirl Well-Known Member

    Apr 24, 2014
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    Hi Bala,

    I'm not being funny but I would get mine and my kids bags packed and leave as fast as possible.
    How dare your husband lay a finger on you?
    You say you don't want your kids to grow up with a single parent yet you think it's ok they see how he treats you?
    You are not your mum and your kids are not you. They will have more emotional damage if you stay in this abusive relationship than if you leave.

    I was a single mum for 11 years and my son ( now 16 ) is absolutely fine.
    If you are put in this situation, you simply make the best for it.
    There is so much help out there now.

    What life have you got if you live in fear every day with your husband? You're kids look up to you and they really, by all means, shouldn't grow up thinking hitting and abusing your partner is normal, as that's what they see from their parents right now.

    Get the help you need and get out of there as fast as possible. Trust me, you will be fine on your own
  3. Naranja

    Naranja Active Member

    Dec 9, 2019
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    Don't let this be your destiny. I used to feel like that. I was in an unhappy marriage and thought I'd made that choice and I had to live with it. Things came to a head when I found out I was pregnant with my second and my first was approaching 2 years old. After I asked him to go I felt nothing but relief. The only bad feeling I had was guilt that my kids wouldn't know what it was like living as a traditional family. That didn't last long once I realised how calm and peaceful our home was - no arguments to wake my first born. A calm pregnancy. Honestly it was the best choice I made. And that first night I came home after having my second child with a clingy toddler and a newborn to deal with...well, every day and night I got through on my own, the more I started feeling like I could do anything! It was much easier to adapt than I ever managed. Fast forward six years and I am expecting with a new partner who is a proper father to my kids and life is good.

    I can't tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that for me, it wasn't an easy decision but it was the best one I've ever made.
  4. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

    Jul 25, 2018
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    i cant believe you are staying in this relationship. He hits you and is aggresive to you but your staying so your kids have a 'normal' family.
    Your children will be worse off you staying with this monster trust me. They will never forget the times he is violent towards you. Why would you want your children to see this
    Get out before its too late!
  5. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

    Aug 11, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Bala, your children will only see violence and aggression from your husband and think it is NORMAL! A lot of children who come from an aggressive family, will find the same kind of partners later in life because that's the only thing know. Would you like it if your children were abused and treated like dirt by their partner? Of course not, so think about how you are being treated. Your husband has no right to be physically abusive towards you! Get out and get help!
    My partner is a police officer and he sees situations like this daily, sometimes they end very very badly and rarely is the husband the victim. Have you talked to anyone about this yet? Has your husband isolated you from friends and family?

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