Does this make me a bad friend?

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Babybushie28, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    Been ttc for 4 months now and on my af for another failed month, really down about it as I want to be a mamma soooooo bad :(. Ive got pcos too so this seems like my barrier,Since joining this site I've learned so much about how to improve my chances so I'm praying that I will be preggers in time to have my baby in 2012.

    So, my best mate is getting married in abroad in April and she wants kiddies real bad but only once she's married so will be ttc from their first marital night!! I LOVE this girl so much and we've been through so much together and only want the best for her BUT what if she falls preggers before I do? I'm so worried I won't be able to be there properly for her and hear the stories and her excitement without feeling resentful.

    Has anyone ever felt like this or am I just a bad friend???

    Xxxxx
     
  2. anlovey

    anlovey Active Member

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    Don't feel stressful hunny. It's not your fault to want a kid before your best friends. Before your time comes, take care yourself and be ready to be a mom. I think you are good. if i were you, I would have the same thought that I am a person easy to be jealous. haha...but i am not a bad person and not a bad friend. Hunny, relax and easy...all the best to you. hope you time will come soon.
     
    #2 anlovey, Jan 12, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2012
  3. momof_2

    momof_2 Member

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    I do not feel that you are a bad friend. Its normal to have that jealosy feeling about such a tender topic. And its hard to approach your friend about it, Im sure. My advice is to just be honest with her and explain your side. you havent been TTC for a terribly long time, even though I know it feels different for you Im sure, so just keep your head up, and things will probably work out for you. Keep a positive attitude about everything. Be there for your friend and if she is you BFF, she'll understand. Good luck hun!!
     
  4. PINK BUTTERFLY

    PINK BUTTERFLY Well-Known Member

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    I agree with everyone above, if it does happen you will feel jelosy (who wouldnt) but you will deal with it im sure and be there for her....as soon as you see that little baby your body will prob take over and be aunty babybushie28! When my BF had her son when I saw him I just cried and that was it....she was lucky she got him back! LOL

    Talk to your friend as even though she is waiting until she gets married she will prob have the same feelings as you if you get your BFP before her but feels like a bad friend for telling you that :) x
     
  5. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Since my epic TTC battle started two of my friends have fallen pregnant and actually had their babies!

    Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that we all actually fell pregnant within weeks of each other and they now have babies and I don't.

    On the whole though I try to be happy for them, I am not in competition with anyone, especialy not my friends!

    Hun, if you friend does get preggers before you then I am sure after the initial pang you'll be over the moon for her.

    Hopefully you'll end up as bump buddies

    xxxxxxxxx
     
    #5 CARNAT22, Jan 12, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2012
  6. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls!!! You are all so lovely :)

    You're so right im sure once it happens I may surprise myself with how I feel, and I want nothing for the best for her too, at least I'll have you ladies to vent to on crappy days!!

    BB xxxxx
     
  7. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and mom of 2 I know 4 months isn't long but I honestly feel like this has been the longest 4 months in my life!!

    My heart goes out to those who have bee trying for years xxxx
     
  8. melhoney

    melhoney Well-Known Member

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    You are not alone and certainly not bad!!!
    I have been ttc on and off for roughly 4 -5 years now and since then my sistet in law ( hubby's sister) has had one baby, one miscarriage and just last month baby nbr 2. I cannot describe in words how i felt when dh broke the news to me... i was devastated and i cried like a kid for 5 hours none stop. I kept saying it wasn't fair, that she was young and gad plenty of time...i felt so sorry for myself i cojld not even be happy for her. Now i feel remorseful about my reacyion ( i was really not happy...) but i cant apologise for my feelings: its natural i think to feel like that.i hope we all get bfp soon so we can start enjoying others happiness too:)
    mel
     
  9. Poppy1987

    Poppy1987 Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun, don't feel bad I know how you feel. I have been ttc for 9 months and only me and hubby know about it, well and you guys!! A friend of mine got married last year and I know her hubby wants kids asap but she wants to wait a bit but they do talk about it a lot, well she said she's going to ttc this year but didn't say when, they have a holiday planned for the summer and her hubby said well lou might not be drinking by then and winked at her, wow I have never felt so much jealousy built up inside of me than that moment in time! Everytime I see her I offer her a glass of wine or ask if she's been drinking lately as I don't have the gutts to ask her outright when are they going to start trying. Every time I see her or hear from her I get green with envy as I think she will fall before me! Nuts I know as they are not even ttc as she wants to wait! Ooopps sorry I didn't realise how long this post was! So then end of it is.. I love my friend but to be honest I want to be first to get preg. She's done everything before me, got married, got a house, passed her driving test, got engaged the list goes on! I want the attention for once from all our friends. God I sound a bitch! Usually I'm not the jealous kind but in this situation I am! X

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9700 using Tapatalk
     
  10. mrspc

    mrspc Well-Known Member

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    We're all the same!

    My sister in law announced on Christmas day that next Christmas she is hoping to have a baby. I was so jealous. They don't know that we've been ttc for 15 months. I was panic stricken in case she has a baby before me. She is lots younger. I will be sooo jealous!

    The thing is we feel this way but the important thing is not to act on it - only then do we become bad friends/ relatives. We can't help our feelings.... it is an emotional time. We can only help the way we behave.

    Don't worry we understand xxxx
     
  11. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    @melhoney that's awful, you poor thing and love to your sis in law, I can only imagine how you felt, it's sad that us women have so many emotions to deal with it can be so hard.

    @ poppy you are certainly not bad a bad person and reading your thread it defo rings true, I'm fx that you get yours first as she's got loads going in lol!!

    I feel bad for thinking it but I soo wanna be pg and be At the wedding my ill bump, I'm so bad for over fantasising!! When another friend of mine was preggo I felt a little jelous but I was single and playing the field do it didn't affect me but I know this time it won't!!

    Really hope we all get our bfp's soon!
     
  12. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Thank god im not the only one!!!!!
     
  13. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    You're certainly not the only one hun and it doesn't make you a bad friend at all.

    My friend got married last summer and has just started trying this month and even though I would hate for her to struggle with conceiving I'm petrified she will get prg before me. It's a horrible thing to admit but it's not something I can just stop feeling. I like what mrspc said, all we can do is control our behaviour, so true.

    Poppy, I have done the whole offering a glass of wine thing too with friends I suspected were prg to put my mind at ease! Lol, thought that was just me!

    My 2 closest friends, the one I mentioned and the other NTNP have both said they would probably tell me early on to stop the whole 'is she, isn't she?' thing. What neither of my friends truly appreciate though, is the 2ww, they have that all to come! :shock:
     
  14. Poppy1987

    Poppy1987 Well-Known Member

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    Hehe least I'm not the only one doing the wine trick!x

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9700 using Tapatalk
     
  15. JeezLouise

    JeezLouise Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    I'm new hope you don't mind me joining in. My best friend since primary school got married in the same month as me last spring. She got engaged after me but married first and I would never admit it to anyone but I was a little bit peed off when I found out as well as being really pleased for her.

    When I told her over christmas that we were going to start TTC in January she confessed theyd been trying since their honeymoon. Im on CD2 of our first cycle TTC and I have to admit one of my biggest fears is that she'll get pregnant before me and it'll take us ages to conceive...or worse. I'm a huge worrier anyway but not normally the jealous type but I dont know what it is about this baby issue. I surprised my self with the wedding and now the baby thing that I could feel so angry towards my friend who is a brilliant person and has helped me through so much in life.

    I got over the wedding things pretty quickly because I knew that I was getting married soon after too, but unfortunately you can't just set a date for getting pregnant and giving birth! I must admit when I read your post I felt a bit relieved that I'm not the only one. Maybe our friends feel the same? I've never thought of myself as the maternal type but since we decided it was what we wanted I've never wanted anything more in my life, I guess it's just natural to be upset by the idea of someone else getting what you want, but when its such a huge natural desire with hormones thrown in for good measure, its pretty overwhelming.

    Hope I haven't waffled on about my self too much, just wanted to let you know you're not alone (and defintly not a bad friend!)

    Love and luck to all,
    Lou xx
     
  16. EmmaN27

    EmmaN27 Well-Known Member

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    It would be normal to feel a bit jealous but I'm sure if the time comes, you will be very happy and excited for her.

    One positive outcome if this does happen, think of all the baby stuff she can hand down to you if she has her baby first! Will save you some money.

    x
     
  17. Babybushie28

    Babybushie28 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone!

    The more I read your answers the better I've been feeling! I don't want my mate to have any probs conceiving as she is fab and will be a fab mum, at least I know I'll be a great god mamma and can defo get tips from her of how to cope!! I would never tell her this as I wouldn't want her to feel that she can't share her joy with me.

    Baby dust to all of us!!!

    BB xxx
     

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