Does anyone else have in laws from hell???? long sorry

Discussion in 'Postnatal Questions' started by nazmomi, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. nazmomi

    nazmomi Well-Known Member

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    Ok this is likely to turn into a rant so I apologise in advance I just wondered if anyone else was having similar problems.
    I have never particularly liked my in laws but was always polite with them because at the end of the day they are my DH's parents. This all changed when I was pregnant with my son. My MIL turned into the most interfering thoughtless person I have ever met. She would come to my house several times a day criticising everything I did, right down to my washing powder wasn't good enough so she should wash the babies clothes ready for the birth (i use daz??and her house stinks). She told me I was stupid for wanting a homebirth , why would I breastfeed as it would stop her having precious time with her grandchild, and said hat I should listen to what I was told as I was too young to know what I was talking about ! (i'm 27 and already had 2 kids!)
    Anyway I told DH I wanted nothing to do with them but would let them see baby as I felt it would be beneficial for him to know his grandparents. We arranged a few times to drop him off at theirs and pick him up later on. On the first occassion his mam asked if she could give him cooled boiled water. I said no as he had trouble with his weight at the time and he had EBM to be given. When we came back she said she had given it anyway. I noticed that the house smelled smokey and asked if FIL had been smoking and was told he had one at the back door so ignored it . (we had asked him nicely :( :( not to smoke around baby and to open windows b4 he went there )
    On the next occassion I was told his mother binned the EBM and gave my baby formula! she said it was because my milk was obviously not good enough, and when I went in the living room to get charlie his dad ws sittin next to him smoking!!!! needless to say I went ape with them. THey said they were not having me tell them what to do in their own house and I said my son was never going there again. It has been 7 months since that day and we so far have not had an apology or even a text asking how charlie is, yet I've heard from other ppl they talk about him as if they have him every day! They blank me if they see me in town, even with charlie and are just horrible people.
    Anyway they obviously found out about the new baby and left a message on my answerphone saying how pleased and excited they are. WTF??? These are the same ppl who did not want me to have their family name when we got married as I had been disrespectful telling FIL what to do in his own house. I told them I was being a good parent to my son and told them they could f**k off as I was marrying their son not them.
    Am I being unreasonable to not want them to see this baby ?? After all they had no regard for the health of my son and dropped him and their own son like a piece of crap the minute they weren't getting their own way. I just dont want my kids getting messed about. My DH says he never wants to see them again and I know he has been hurt by the way they acted.
    Sorry for the huge rant but i do feel beter now :lol: :lol:
     
  2. LisaJ1986

    LisaJ1986 Well-Known Member

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    You know what, as i was reading that, before i got to the bit where you said they weren't having your child again, i thought to myself that it would've been the last time they had him!!! So i think you are absolutely right. I can't stand people trying to interfere with a childs upbringing.
    For going behind your back and swapping the milk is just wrong. But smoking next to him.....He'll never get the chance to do that ever again!!!
     
  3. nazmomi

    nazmomi Well-Known Member

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    thats what ai think I just dont get why they're pretending to be interested in the new baby. they really make me mad :evil: :evil:
     
  4. LisaJ1986

    LisaJ1986 Well-Known Member

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    Ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy.
     
  5. NICCI

    NICCI Well-Known Member

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    :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: i cant believe she would totally disregard eveything u said!!!! u made the right decision xxxxxxx
     
  6. NickyB

    NickyB Well-Known Member

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    Shocking behaviour! The whole chucking your milk away and giving him formula bit, and the smoking, let alone ignoring you all after you'd stood up to them. I'd be livid.
     
  7. Becky

    Becky Well-Known Member

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    I've had issues with my in-laws but never as extreme as that. If I had I would be the same as you and keep my children away from them as they clearly can't be trusted to follow your wishes.
     
  8. Sherlock

    Sherlock Well-Known Member

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    If both you and your OH have no desire to have contact or for your children to see them then I'd say go with that. Trust your instincts and how you choose to parent and bring up your children. If people cannot respect and go against your wishes from the get go there is not much chance they will change their ways. I'd say to hell with them and not worry about seeing them anytime soon.

    Sounds to me like you and OH have made the right choice and I certainly would be lived if I found somone smoking near my son or giving him formula. In fact I'd probably rip the fag out of their hand and put it out in their carpet, throw the formula in the bin, leave and never look back. But thats just me :lol: :roll:
     
  9. nazmomi

    nazmomi Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies ladies, I feel much better now I know most other ppl would have reacted the same way.
    I stronly believe my kids are best off with ppl who put their best intersts b4 anything else which the in laws just obviously aen't prepared to do. Obviously its upsetting when your childs grandparents dont seem to care about them but hey it's their loss, Me and DH will just be extra proud that we managed without them :D
     
  10. nori

    nori Well-Known Member

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    My god they sound like an absolute nightmare and i think you have most definately done the right thing! If you ever change your mind about them seeing your children then i would suggest they come to you for an hour. That way its your house and your rules! How can people be so damn right out of order??

    Claire x
     
  11. fran_23

    fran_23 Well-Known Member

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    OH MY GOD- is all i can say, binning your EBM and giving formula, that is waaaay over the line!! as for smoking next to your baby :eek: i can only say if that was me i wouldn't let them look after my baby or any subsequent babies to come along!!
    i thought my MIL was bad for giving Hayden watered down cows milk at 8 months ("oh but he is nearly a year") and ketchup (which he is allergic to) no that is out of order what did you DH say about this behaviour? they sound like a pair of psychos!!
     
  12. lisa282

    lisa282 Well-Known Member

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    OMG that is disgraceful behaviour!! How can people be so disrespectful not only of your baby's health but of your wishes as a parent :wall: I think most people have a few jibes from the in-laws but nothing on that scale. Im pretty lucky that mine are really good and we get along well, but I still get the odd comment of 'your milk cant be filling him/her up, you should be bottlefeeding by now' or 'i dont see why you should carry him/her in that thing (sling), they will be spoilt' and 'you should leave them to cry, they will soon learn' etc,etc. BUT they have never tried to change the way I do things and have always respected my wishes. Yes we get the snide comments but they never put anything into action and always ask before doing something with the kids. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but to take things upon themselves to change the way things are done is totally out of order. I dont blame you for your reaction, I would have done exactly the same!! :hug:
     
  13. avaandnevesmum

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    Oh dear inlaws..now i have some stories! Mine drive me absolutely mad and me and OH have nearly split before because he cannot criticise them. When i first had my two year old they really took over. When she was with them they dressed her in their own clothes, they had their own nappies, wipes, sudo EVERYTHING! They never asked if i minded what they were using on her. I went back to work when she was six months for two days a week, and when i gave it up because i missed my daughter they sent me a rude txt saying i shouldnt have because we couldnt afford. Oh and then theres how they take away all her 'firsts' from me, they took her to see father xmas, they had their own little party for her so they could see her blow her candles out before me, they txt me saying she had taken her first step with them, and it all came to head when they started potty training her without asking me. We didnt talk for my last three months of new pregnancy although they still saw ava regulary. We had another huge row when they had a go at me for leaving ava to cry when going to sleep, we're talking controlled crying for five minutes! Im sick of them, and my bf doesnt stick up for me because he finds it hard to diagree with his parents to their face. Ive come to the conclusion that i have to accept them in our lives, but i will not sit back and let them control how we raise our very happy, and well adjusted daughters. I think ur situation is unbelievable and i agree with what u did. Hope everything goes well for u x
     
  14. LaineyG

    LaineyG Well-Known Member

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    They were bang out of order and you were totally right in what you did!

    The bit you wrote about them acting as if they saw Charlie every day strikes me as guilt! If they had felt that they were completley in the right about what they did, why would they not say "We don't see him because his parents thought we did wrong, but in actual fact they are wrong and we were right" etc?

    They sound to me like people who can't admit they were wrong, and would rather sweep things under the carpet and act like nothing has happened!
     
  15. nazmomi

    nazmomi Well-Known Member

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    you have them so spot on there, nothing they ever do should be questioned in any way as they are never wrong!!! Saw his mum in asda with her friend today, she was trying to be all over charlie cos her mate was there so i asked her why she was being like that cos they havent even text to see if he's alive for 7 months and have nothing to do with him. I said I guess it's just for your mates benefit to make you look good and walked off. I have to admit I felt good for sayin it :lol: :lol:
     
  16. krissie23

    krissie23 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun, just want to say I can empathise with you completely! I was reading your original post and thinking we must have the same set of in-laws!

    My MIL is the worst EVER for things like that, and her two daughters (OH's sisters) follow closely behind! When I had my daughter, she seemed hellbent on trying to take over completely from me and didn't hesitate to tell me that nearly everything I did was wrong/bad for LO/stupid, etc. I was told that breastfeeding my daughter was 'disgusting' and stupid as 'how can you tell how much milk she's actually taking in/much better to just use a bottle/not fair on OH as he can't feed her (even though I also expressed after a few months so he could feed her too). I was told I was a 'stupid girl' for wanting a homebirth and if anything went wrong I wouldn't be able to live with myself, etc. Their ignorance just amazes me, it really does. My sister-in-law also smoked around my LO when she was a baby and she actually had the blatant cheek to roll her eyes and mutter under her breath 'neurotic mother' when I said it was disgusting & I didn't want LO breathing it in & took her out of the room!!

    Also, all of them have never stopped from the comments since day one. It's literally everytime I do anything, if they are round here visiting, they stand and watch me like a hawk and have to throw in their comments such as 'why are you doing that/ooh I never done that with blah-de-blah (one of their kids), etc. They just treat me like I'm an absolute idiot & don't have a clue what I'm doing. One of them has four and the other one two kids, and they both act as though they know absolutely everything there is to know about pregnancy, childbirth, raising children, etc. I actually can't stand my LO being around one of the kids in particular as he is only seven but swears constantly (some very bad swear words) which I find disgusting... and SIL actually laughs. I just can't bear for my daughter to be near them, it's awful though because they are her cousins, family etc., I let them round here for OH's sake but after an hour or so I make my excuses and take my daughter out to a friends or go to my parents to get away as I don't want her mixing with them for long and listening to that. I just find the lot of them overbearing, ignorant, patronising and ridiculous! With ths baby, I will make sure they don't get a look in and am doing everything my way. To hell with what they thnk, these are my children & I'll be damned if I listen to them telling me how to do MY job! They can carry on sayng what they like but I'll just smile and ignore them completely!

    Sorry anyway that turned into a right old rant but just wanted you to know you're not alone wth having the complete and utter in laws from hell! :hug: :hug:
     
  17. LaineyG

    LaineyG Well-Known Member

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    That comment is the stuff that dreams are made of! :rotfl: Well done luv!
     
  18. Becky

    Becky Well-Known Member

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    Oh good on you - I always think of the right thing to say afterwards!
     

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