Doctors

[CharlieOne]

Went to the doctors today, and am due back later for blood tests, i could barely speak to him has a right mess so my mum did most of the talking has she knows everything, he was only a young man and bless him he seemed lost for words at everything ive been thro, he thinks at the moment the panic attacks are due to shock so doesnt want to give me medacation for them and spoke to me about coping with them so to speak, he told me to meation this at my womens appioment on Thrusday...

He's given me a couple of liquid forms of stuff i got from the A&E in tablet form has cant sollow tablets, which i was given when i first began miscarriageing he recommending taking them to help fight anything bad away you know, and to check on Thrusday what they think if i still need to take it....

He has signed me off work for 2 weeks and reviewing me again before he says i can go back to work, he said i need time to grief and we all take it differently, everything he said made sense, so im taking it easy i do feel better physcially today and i do agree i need time to greif with everything going on.....

 

[x Naomi x]

I agreed hun, you need to give yourself a little time away from work just to take it easy

I went back after 6 days, lasted 5 days, then started breaking down at work so was given another week off by the docs,

My body got over it pretty quickly but the mental side takes longer hun and i have found that i can be fine for days and days and then something little we start me off and i have a little cry

take care of yourself hun

 

[CharlieOne]

Thank You

I admit, during the day im okay and its when its night i start to break down, when i start to panic when i feel lonely, im struggling to sleep because part of me doesnt want too incase something bad happens while im asleep, im so scared of losing someone else, ive lost two very improtant people to me, my Grandad and My Angel, right now im scared my OH will walk out on me (deep down i know he wont) but he was over the moon when i fell Pregnant and now i feel like ive let him down has he has always wanted to be a dad......

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

That's completely normal. When I was at my worse with depression I couldn't sleep because my mind would start racing. My nurse at the time suggested keeping a notepad by the bed and when the thoughts started I was to write them all down and stick them in the drawer. The act of putting it down on paper really helped me to feel as if I'd dealt with them. I must admit I thought she was mad at first but it helped me so much.

Don't be scared OH will leave. As you've already said you know he won't. It's a control thing, you can't control death and it leads to more fears of being left. Mine manifested itself as anxiety and a need to control everything. If something went wrong it led to a panic attack.

Give yourself time and take whatever help you are offered. I had a Mental health nurse whilst I waited for counselling. She was amazing.

In the meantime I'm sending you a big hug.

 

[CharlieOne]

Hugs back to you Sweetheart, i know you are going thro the same has me right now, and you seem so so strong, i wish i could find some streaght somewhere....

My OH is being amazing, too amazing, but i cant help thinking he will leave me, we've had so many up and downs im scared this is the down to cause him to leave me..... I dont want to say anything to him incase i trigger it off....i feel so insucure right now.....

 

[xJodieLoux]

Oh hun I have only just realised your loss was so recent, it does get easier I promise. I believe everything happens for a reason, even though it can seem so cruel and unfair. Now that I am expecting in July again part of me think's 'Maybe I was meant to have a july baby after all but it just happened a year too early.' Everything will work out for you in the end.

 

[CharlieOne]

Oh hun I have only just realised your loss was so recent, it does get easier I promise. I believe everything happens for a reason, even though it can seem so cruel and unfair. Now that I am expecting in July again part of me think's 'Maybe I was meant to have a july baby after all but it just happened a year too early.' Everything will work out for you in the end.

Thank you Sweetheart, i think with everything going on, my Angel knew maybe i wasnt just ready, and i just take in hope in that my Grandad is looking after my little one, i lost my Grandad and my Angel all in one week you see.....They are both resting together now....

 

[xJodieLoux]

Aww hun I'm so sorry, but at least they are together like you said. I'm sure they are both up there watching over you.

Heres a poem I found on the internet... It always brings a tear to my eye, but I find it very comforting.

What Makes A Mother.

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say.. A Mother has a baby, this we know is true. But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?

Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today If you could see your child smile with other kids and say "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear, My Mommy Loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here..

I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me I learned my lesson very quickly, My mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay Your babies are here in my home; And this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through And on the day that you come home; they'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart It's the Love you had so much of; right from the very start.

By Jennifer Wasik.

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

He won't go anywhere. DH and I have had so many ups and downs on each down I think right he's off this time. I've even told him to leave me so that his life will be better. He just tells me that even the worst times with me are better than being without me. I think he needs his head read.

Please talk to him. Even tell him your worse fears. It can only make you stronger as a couple. If he loves you as much as it sounds like he does, he'll want to know how you feel, so that he can make you feel better.

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

That poem is lovely Jodie. So beautiful.

 

[CharlieOne]

Thank you for sharing that Poem, it is truely beuitful and really brought tears to my eyes.....

 

[janey07]

Hi

I know exactly how you feel with regards to your partner leaving, i am having the same thoughts as i feel i have let him down. Although he has been amazing throughout it all and i love him dearly... without him this would have been unbearable.

That poem was absolutely lovely and tears where streaming down - absolutely beautiful.

Jane xxxxx

 

[CharlieOne]

Aww Jane sweetheart, I know its hard, but we havent let our OH down, i spoke to mine earlier on the phone and just hering his voice i realise no matter what i did id never let him down, no matter what he always be my side and proud of me, just cant believe i have someone has amazing has him by my side....

And im sure your OH feels the same about you, talk to him sweatheart, let him hold you and wipe any tears away.....this will make you stronger togther Babe.....

 

[happy-chick]

Thinking of you

 

[KateQPR]

Charlieone - glad things went ok at the doctors and they now can undertand what you're going through and monitor you properly through it all. I hope you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon..

And don't worry about OH thoughts - i felt exactly the same, but have realised the positive side of this whole pregnancy / m/c experience is it has brought us together in many ways. Sounds like you're the same.

X

 

[CharlieOne]

Thank you Happy Chick and Kate,

How are you feeling today Kate?

 

[KateQPR]

a lot better today thank you. Had my scan this morning to check the miscarriage was complete, which i think has helped a lot as now i feel i can look forward and try to move on and no more poking and prodding for a while.

Only cried once today too! So early days, but getting there.

x

 

[CharlieOne]

 

[tracey 2]

hey hun sorry not been able to get on today, but have been thinking of you loads.

Im pleased all went as well as it could have at the docs, and at least you have some time off work to grieve and take things slowly, i know its painful but you will get there and the panic attacks will lessen.

Here if you need me hun

 

[CharlieOne]

Thank you Tracy, phsycially i am feeling alot better, my panick attacs have become less, and i am slowly getting on with little bits of a things i can, the bleeding is settleing down and i somwhat feel normal....well has normal as normal can be......

Just waiting for OH to get home, has today he should of clear his credit card so i can order my Angel today, thats giving me something today you know......