Disorganised and forgetful partner

[mollythemama]

First things first, I love my boyfriend. He is the loveliest, kindest man and he is so good to me, and is always so loving and forgiving of my bad moods during this pregnancy.

My problem is that he is so extremely disorganised. I am no clean freak, and have tendancies to be a bit messy myself so I am by no means calling myself perfect, but his disorganisation is really starting to stress me out:

Here are some examples of the things he does:

• He'll come home and forget to put his phone on charge, and then the next day his phone will be dead so I can't get hold of him. Sometimes he'll take the charger to work with him, usually leaving it there.
• Instead of changing his alarm times on his phone, he just 'creates new', so he sometimes has alarms going off at all times of the morning and sometimes in the middle of the night. Last night, he set it for 7PM instead of 7AM so he woke up this morning far too late saying "ah my alarm didn't go off" and he was in such a stress because he would have been late for work. He then turned on the light (while I was sleeping), didn't switch it off and then walked out the room.
• He puts a drink down by his foot, I'll tell him to be careful with that (he says "I know! I know!") and minutes later, he will have knocked it over.
• He'll leave his phone, keys, wallet in his jeans pocket, and then wear a different pair the next day and spend ages searching the house trying to find them, getting in a such a stress.
• If there's something that he NEEDS to do, he'll just keep putting it off for the next day, week or month. Until eventually he gets himself into a really difficult situation and then suffer from anxiety over it. Biggest procrastinater ever - and I'm the total opposite.
• He'll take his shoes off as he gets home and just leave them on the living room floor rather than the designated shoe area. Sometimes there will be 3 pairs on the floor.
• He opens the cupboard and takes the last item out of a wrapper, and then leaves the wrapper in the cupboard rather than putting it in the bin.
• We'll finish dinner, he'll get up to go to the bathroom and while he's getting up anyway, he doesn't take our empty plates to the kitchen (which is en route).

And to be honest, I'll be here all day if I continue. But, what bothers me the most is if at any time I try to talk to him about it, or tell him not to do this or that, he just accuses me of nagging him. I then get frustrated because I'm not nagging him, I'm just simply trying to make things work easier.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make things work? It really stresses me out, and I don't want to be a stressy pregnant lady. I can't imagine how difficult it'll be when baby arrives as well, what if I go into labour and his phone is off because he just 'forgot' to charge his phone?

 

[Becky1]

I bought a chalkboard to write things on for hubby to do. I also text him constantly reminding him to do things until he confirms that it's done.

Explain to him about the phone and being pregnant. With regards leaving this like his shoes out I would get a big box and just throw stuff in it when he leaves it about (I'd be sorely tempted to use the bin as a box!).

I can fully sympathise as my hubby is very similar xxx

 

[mollythemama]

Thanks for your reply, glad to know I'm not the only one!
I think I will have to start chucking things into a box (bin ) good idea!
Love the chalkboard idea, was just thinking of that this morning. I know he'll find it so patronising, but I don't really care at this point! Also, texting is not always that useful as his phone is often off :S
X

 

[Baby2sky]

Hmm if I'm being totally honest I don't really think most of these are that bad, apart from the phone thing. I'd personally just leave it be, but definitely the phone would bother me especially near the end of pregnancy. I would probs just get a spare charger for the house and make sure I charged it at a night for him.

 

[Robyner]

In my very humble opinion, this is mostly the way men are designed. What really struck a chord with me was the shoes, im forever falling over dhs shoes and the plate thing, totally get it.
Its a well known fact that we are multi taskers. We will do several things on route to the task at hand that we are about to do without even realising probably. Men however, they see the task and nothing will get in the way of it.
Im not surprised the phone thing is an issue for you right now. Try crying lol he needs to see that this is very very important to you at a time like this.
The best way to deal with the rest is to accept his shortcomings and focus on the brilliant guy he is. Its not easy, but these days i just have laugh and sigh as i pick his clothes up etc. We make a great team and im sure i must have faults ( although ive no idea what lol)
The procastinating isnt good i appreciate it must drive you mad when youve been trying to get him to do something and then he leaves it until hes in a mess.
Ive had a few heart to hearts where i have told dh i hate nagging and going on and on but ive explained that if things affect him then they affect me just as much because i love him.

 

[kumber]

God this sounds like my OH. Most days I want to throttle him, he drives me crackers. I sat him down and explained how much it stressed me out, he is trying but I still have to text him to remind him. As horrid as it is for you, if he misses the birth then it's his own fault! Can you have another birth partner on standby?

 

[mollythemama]

Thanks for your responses.
I actually created a bowl for when he walks in the front door, it says "phone and wallet" and then I've plugged a charger in and celotaped it to the shelf. That way, he has no choice but to charge his phone!
The first day, it worked perfectly. The second day, he'd totally forgotton and found that his phone only had 11% this morning when he was leaving for work. It drives me mad!
I think you're right though, I just need to accept him for who he is and realise that I probably annoy him a lot too. I talked to my mum about it and she said she's going to say something to him like "can you just make sure you call me if anything happens, make sure your phones always switched on and charged" - I've told her to say it in a way that he would never suspect I spoke to her

 

[sammielou]

My husband used to remember everything (to the point that it was annoying actually, he could tell me precisely word for word what I said in a conversation 3 weeks before). Since a brain injury 18 months ago though he is very forgetful.

I got a whiteboard, put it up and started using it. To make it feel less patronising to him (he's sensitive about his memory troubles) I put things on there for me to do too even though I don't really need it. He's really embraced it and gotten so much more organised, and without any fuss.

 

[russellmuscle]

Sounds just like a man

My OH has huge feet and left his big work shoes and any shoes really. We have this big ass hall cuboard. So I asked nicely 3 times and after moaning and nagging I started throwing all the stuf he left about into the back of the cuboard. He got so pissed off and I explained everytime he leaves stuf at his ass I need to go out my way to put it back so he can go out his way to get it. He used to leaves clothes about and expect them to be washed. So I told him over to place his clothes in the machine. If he didnt the machine went on without his clothes. They eventually learn the less we pander.

We got the white board, if he does tasks not to your approval I learned not to moan because he will say well I cant do it the way you like. So I just let it be done then square up secretly if needed.

With the juice Id simply stop letting him put it down or buy a wee side talble. OH did this and when we moved and got new flooring I made a new rule if drinks in the livngroom not on the floor. We have side tables now.

Its kind of a mixture of being stubborn and working round him. If your doing cleaning etc then its gotta be done your way. Ive learned guys lack initiative. We are still working on changing an overflowing bin rather than piling shit on top. We are getting there. I deffo need to ask for a lot that Id do without thinking.

Was your OH waited on by his mum by chance? Mine was

xxx

 

[El1en]

My oh was spoilt by his mother and very much similar to your oh. In honesty he has gotten so much better since I gave birth as I just didn't have time to keep clearing up after him.

Can you buy your oh a car charger for the phone? That's the important one

Things like the dishes, I don't mean this rudely to you but just take them through. Yes he's forgotten, it would be easier if he did it while passing but either pass him your plate while he gets up or just take them through yourself. It will take 30s and is surely much better than stressing yourself about it

I would just switch his alarms off. Or what we've done recently is buy a proper alarm clock and ban electronics from the bedroom

If you're still stressing... Get petty... My oh would always take the milk top off the bottle (you know the cardboard seal) and leave it on the table. It bugged me loads. His wallet was also on the table so I started putting the top into the coin bit of his wallet. It was more of a joke than me actually being annoyed but it only took 3 times for him to start binning it

 

[mollythemama]

When it comes to milk, he half-peels the seal off rather than taking the whole thing off and binning it. Argh

Anyway, I went to my 28 week MW appointment today and when I came back, the house was really tidy and the dishes were done. Certainly not spotless, but it's the thought that counts.

I've actually given him a little notepad to take around with him where he writes 'things to do' and it's really helped, he's even doing Christmas shopping today, he would normally do it on Christmas eve!

I don't think his mum waited to him, if anything I think it was kind of the opposite. He was left to his own devices and just never really learned I guess!

Anyway. Slowly but surely ey?

 

[Eryinera]

I'm the person who leaves shoes out and leaves the plates. It not only annoys OH but me as well. I just don't see things. I have no problem tidying stuff but unless there is a lot of stuff out of place I just don't notice! I'm awful! I lose things constantly I'm messy. I'm organised in my own little way. I have a good memory or did until very recently. If I lost something in the morning I could retrace every footstep until I found something. If oh asked for a certain bit of mail that arrived 6 months ago I could tell him exactly which pile of crap it would be in. But I've always said I have a man brain. Lol. If someone could come up with a way that would make me see things if gladly try. OH despaired when one day I came home fell over his shoes and knocked his trousers of the radiator dropped my bag in the doorway taking off my coat (which I did hang up that was what I was thinking about at the time) then left my shoes by the sofa. I didn't even notice that I fell over the shows or walked into the radiator but I do now know where my bruise cane from lol.

 

[Flo1]

It's just how men are I think. We have the rule: the person who didn't cook, cleans the table after dinner. It was even his idea to get this rule. When I cooked, the plates can be there until next morning. At first, I'd do it or say something. Now I just leave his plate and remove mine. After work, he changes shirts and leaves the dirty anywhere. I put them all on his desk where they don't bother me. We actually had a good talk about the forgetting things not long ago. He made clear he'd appreciate me reminding him. So now I do and since it was his idea, he doesn't get mad if I do. It works

 

[msjenny]

Well I agree that being disorganised and forgetfulness is a men kind of thing.

My man is similar. He works very hard. Sometimes 12-14 hours per ay and getting on really well at work but if i ask to do some home things I need to remind him 1000 times

Right now he is sharing his calendar with me so I am putting all the things I need from him on daily/weekly basis It is dealing with the problem in a corpo & formal style but who cares if it works.

Also trying to relief him from as many tasks as possible during the weekdays and put some pressure on home / family things over the weekends.