Disciplining children

[Becs]

I had my huge family over at Christmas. One of my brothers kids are 2 and 1 and I was shocked by the behaviour of the 2 year old towards the 1 year old. I have seen it before but am astonished at how my brother and his wife deal with it. The one year old is too young to realise what he is doing wrong and sometimes touches the older ones toys, or falls into his games. When this happens the older brother dives for him and shakes him and screams in his face. I have previously seen him knock a bookshelf onto him, and when his mum is turned away sratch him in the face then look up closely to see if he drew blood. All the parents do is to say "Now darling that's not very nice is it", or they talk to him about sharing or ask him to distract the younger one.

I personally think that a child showing this level of violence to another person needs a good bollocking.

Here is a poll on disciplin as I have never read anything about it on here before.

 

[Urchin]

I would give a clear warning, then if they carried on give the older one time out or remove them from the situation to calm down.
I would also make a big fuss of the younger one and ignore the older one for a while after telling them off.

I wouldn't smack or send a 2 year old to their room, but I'd do A LOT more then nicely tell them not to do it!

 

[purple13]

i wouldn't smack either - can't see the point in disciplining a child for their own violence in that way... but i certainly wouldn't stand for it. i'd do the same as urchin - time out and no attention paid to them...

 

[Jo]

I would give a clear warning, then if they carried on give the older one time out or remove them from the situation to calm down.
I would also make a big fuss of the younger one and ignore the older one for a while after telling them off.

I wouldn't smack or send a 2 year old to their room, but I'd do A LOT more then nicely tell them not to do it!

Same as Urchin

 

[Squiglet]

unfortunately you can't smack or send a 2 year old to their room, it just doesn't work.

A 2 year old really needs to be removed from the situation, like Urchin said. If their temper is explosive, then they definitely need time out. But sending a 2 year old to the room gives them the wrong idea because they are surrounded by their toys... They need to have all kinds of stimulation removed so that they know that they have been taken away from the situation due to their behaviour.

From what you describe Becs, your brothers 2 year old has some issues with his brother... All kids no matter their age harbour some form of jealousy towards their siblings... Tia's 8 and has admitted that seeing the baby get all these new things has made her jealous... but she's 8 and able to express herself... a 2 year old cant, and it's probably the reason for the violence. perhaps your brother doesn't want to tell the 2 year old off so that his jealousy isn't aggravated.. Unfortunately he cannot be violent towards his brother or any child... and that type of behaviour needs to be treated with a stern hand before it gets out of control.

He needs a warning, but he needs to be told off in a much more sterner way than... telling him nicely... he has to know its wrong.

 

[kimmumof2]

i agree with urchin he should be told off and removed from the situation. my mum and dad had a naughty chair and i also have one where my dd1 has time out on it when she is naughty, she gets 1 warning before she has to go on the chair. so far it has worked so i think they seriously need to do more than just say thats not nice playing.

xxxxx

 

[Lou]

Its awkward and embarrassing having to discipline your kid(s) infront of other people, even if they are family and not strangers out shopping or whatever, so the way you have seen them deal with their sons violent behaviour may not be the way they always deal with it. I'd say the same as urchin too. I don't agree that smacking is the answer but I don't think theres anything wrong with being stern, as long as its not a full on shouting fit. Every situation is different though but I do think kids need boundries.

 

[paradysso]

i wud warn once then naughty step

 

[Redshoes]

I know someone who's 2 boys are the same, and I think its hard to watch, especially when the parents ignore it I would use the naughty step technique myself, but obviously I've never had a 2yr old yet so cannot really say, so I voted send to room, as felt that was closest option I hope to never hit Isaac, I do know my elderly neighbour shocked me a little when she said how they need a tap now and then, and I felt a bit sick at the thought but I think talking to children and explaining why things are done to them is the best option as it sets up good habits for you as a parent now, for when they're older.

 

[kellie80]

I have the same thing now. Aimee is just turned 2 and Nathan is almost 11 months and the do fight already. If Nathans touching on of her toys or even one of his Aimee will just push him over or hit him with whatever she has in her hand. I don't smack her but I do shout. It usually shocks her into crying anyway. Don't know if I deal with them the right way but it usually sorts her out. I then put her on the chair for 5 minutes while I comfort Nathan. It does worry me that reacting this way might make things worse by making Aimee jealous

 

[leckershell]

i wud warn once then naughty step

We always used to have to sit at the top of the stairs... nothing to look at and out of earshot of conversations and the TV. Dam my dad but it was the right thing to do.

Although my dad put fines on things once we started getting pocket money too... not sure if I agree with that or not... like 50p for a swear word or whatever and the money went into the christmas food fund pot, but out of £3 pocket money you soon learnt not to. Although sometimes it was well worth it

He also does taking things away like no computer for a week or whatever, or adds jobs to the rota for the naughty person, but that's a bit too old for a 2 year old I guess.

 

[Becs]

It's a really tricky one and I think I put the poll up partly to gain the wisdom of others. I don't agree with smacking either, although I was smacked as a kid, I think that being excluded for a bit and getting no attention is far more effective, someone said above that you shouldn't use violence to try to teach a child not to be violent and that pretty much sums it up for me.

I can see how hard it must be though to give lots of attention to the victim while ignoring the naughty child as kellie80 says you must wonder if it is the right thing to do and worry about jealousy.

Great all of this to look forward to. I'm off to the book shop, I think I have a lot of reading to get done. Any recommendations?

 

[Rosieroo]

Its awkward and embarrassing having to discipline your kid(s) infront of other people, even if they are family and not strangers out shopping or whatever, so the way you have seen them deal with their sons violent behaviour may not be the way they always deal with it. I'd say the same as urchin too. I don't agree that smacking is the answer but I don't think theres anything wrong with being stern, as long as its not a full on shouting fit. Every situation is different though but I do think kids need boundries.

I agree with Lou that it is difficult to discipline in front of other people, I feel particularly uncomfortable telling DD off in front of others. Everyone seems to go quiet if you raise your voice and I feel that I am being judged, or that people feel I'm being too harsh so I don't tend to shout at her in front of people. Once DD was being a nightmare at toddler group and I raised my voice and picked her up, all the other mothers seemed to go quiet and a little boy started shouting at me. His mother told me that he was telling me off for being horrible to DD. You can't win really, you're either viewed as too soft or a tyrant! I hate it!!

P.S I'm amazed that 27% of people have said that they would warn once and then smack. This is a 2 year old we're talking about! I have tapped DD on a couple of occasions which I regret, it was more to do with my temper and was a terrible way for me to disclipline her. I'd never advocate it at all.