Noor~ul~Usman
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Well I'm normally against putting too much of your personal business online...but having said that how much more personal can you get than your pregnancy and childbirth!? 
Anyway I can't take it anymore, I'm really starting to get down now and I'd rather post on here than ring some silly cow and gate chat line or something like that
Everything's fine with the baby, infact I'd honestly say that I feel I've taken to it like a duck to water (a little instructionto start and then it all comes naturally lol)...so the problem isn't him....it's my husband
Understandably he's freaking out a bit about having a baby now that it's actually here, rather than the excitement of just expecting one 'in the near future'. I've tried being supportive and not pressuring him by moaning that he never picks him up or speaks more than a few words a day to him etc.
It hurt like mad though that those 3 nights I spent alone in the hospital with the baby trying desperately to breast feed him so that we could come home...because I felt I was letting him (the baby) down otherwise and there is a fairly big enfisis (sp?) on breast feeding and the nutritional benifets in our faith...and I felt so trapped and tired I just wanted my husband to come and visit me regularly or at least 1 lengthly visit....
Truth is I had to beg him and even then he came over hours later than he said and didn't stay long The day before we were discharged he asked me to show him how to dress the baby and change a nappy so I was a lot happier. And when we brought him home he was really proud and showing him off to visitors for the next 2 days (but I was doing all the routine care and night shift).......and then it all changed
He's got really protective about my sleep depervation (which to be honest isn't that bad because he's a good baby) and also the fact that the baby always seems to want to eat at the same time I sit down to have something myself and so I end up going with out until I've sorted the baby out.
He decided that he'd do the night shift but because he's really hard to stir from his own sleep he LITERALLY stays up until about 6am the next day
and then sleeps in until 12pm or later and is a grumpy arse the next day and complaining about what time he went to bed.
I've asked him several times not to as the truth is the baby is normally alseep most of that time and hubby is just on the PC playing his (stupid!!!) online game (that he's been addicted to for the last 5 or so months and has to have a daily fix of at least 4-5hrs! ) I'm also a lot better now that my bodies had some time to recover from the SPD and the birth......but he wont listen and he does it practically every night.
During the day though he refuses to do anything to do with the 'maintenence' of the baby and he hardly plays with him either He only remembers to speak to him if he starts whinging or talking to himself in the moses basket....he honestly IS more interested in his stupid flippin game 
And I warned him I didn't want this happening a few times running up to the birth and he swore he wouldn't 
He took the last month off to 'help and bond with the baby' but he hasn't at all. During the day he expects me to look after the baby, his father (whos flown over to be here for the first month) to play with him.....and it just seems that at about 11pm-12am when his dad's gone to bed and I'm struggling on the sofa to stay awake... a switch flicks and he's all lovely dovie daddy and cuddles him for maybe 1hr, sends me off upstiars to bed...and then as soon as the baby's tired it's stright in the moses basket and ignored for the rest of the night
It got to the point that at 2weeks old I had to tell him to start paying more attention to the baby or it wouldn't know who it's dad was! I did try and break it gently rather than being abusive about it. And we've got about a 10% improvement....but it just doesn't feel enough still. He still wont change nappies during the day....I can convince him to feed a bottle if he's not on the PC and/or I have something really pressing I need to do (like if I've just been pee'd on
)...he's not bothered about playing with him and/or putting him in the boucning chair or playmat, - just giving him cuddles.
.....and I'm really sorry this is an essay but like I said I need to vent ....but what's happening the last 2-3 days is the baby has mild colic and is also more clingy because he's more aware about when you leave him. So this means more whinging than before and longer to settle him off to sleep. I'd still consider him pretty good though! 
but his dad just can't cope with the crying and half eating bottles because he's not really hungry etc and is REALLY starting to lose his temper.
And when he loses his temper he's a right nasty piece of work
I nearly left him over it a few times earlier on in the relationship but he seemed to have controlled it really well about the last year and things have been great. He doesn't hit but he gets REALLY verbally abusive and slams around and has been a little bit rougher with the baby than he should be yesterday when he was tired out and stressed Nothing that hurt him but 'plonking' him down from a few cm above and shouting at him (which obviously scared the poor little mite even more!) instead of carefully lowering him and just leaving the room to take a breather.
I proper yelled when I saw him do it 
I don't know how much longer I can leave it. He does want the baby and he does love him but he just isn't adjusting
I keep telling myself that 3 weeks still isn't a long time in his eyes.....but if this explosive temper is going to reappear he needs to sort it ASAP because I can't risk any harm to our son even though I know it would be accidental.
I really don't know how to broach it to him. I duno if I should suggest getting stress relief tablets from the doctor or to call a helpline (but who???) or what. He's going to be deeply hurt that I think he's that bad He feels bad afterwards and appologises and is back to normal but I just never know when he's going to snap again. It's the crying really that sets him off and there's not a lot I can do because baby's cry!
Just imagine what it's going to be like if he gets sick or starts teething!!?
...I guess he might probably resent how well I'm taking to being a mum as well because he's said some pretty stupid and hurtful things over the weekend during what I can only describe as a nervous hyperactivity when he went really imature....but even when I pointed it out the next day he just went back into the same mood and tried to laugh it off and didn't appologise or anything......and trust me that's completely unlike my husband!
Anyway I can't take it anymore, I'm really starting to get down now and I'd rather post on here than ring some silly cow and gate chat line or something like that
Everything's fine with the baby, infact I'd honestly say that I feel I've taken to it like a duck to water
(a little instructionto start and then it all comes naturally lol)...so the problem isn't him....it's my husband Understandably he's freaking out a bit about having a baby now that it's actually here, rather than the excitement of just expecting one 'in the near future'. I've tried being supportive and not pressuring him by moaning that he never picks him up or speaks more than a few words a day to him etc.
It hurt like mad though that those 3 nights I spent alone in the hospital with the baby trying desperately to breast feed him so that we could come home...because I felt I was letting him (the baby) down otherwise and there is a fairly big enfisis (sp?) on breast feeding and the nutritional benifets in our faith...and I felt so trapped and tired I just wanted my husband to come and visit me regularly or at least 1 lengthly visit....
Truth is I had to beg him and even then he came over hours later than he said and didn't stay long
The day before we were discharged he asked me to show him how to dress the baby and change a nappy so I was a lot happier. And when we brought him home he was really proud and showing him off to visitors for the next 2 days (but I was doing all the routine care and night shift).......and then it all changed He's got really protective about my sleep depervation (which to be honest isn't that bad because he's a good baby) and also the fact that the baby always seems to want to eat at the same time I sit down to have something myself and so I end up going with out until I've sorted the baby out.
He decided that he'd do the night shift but because he's really hard to stir from his own sleep he LITERALLY stays up until about 6am the next day
and then sleeps in until 12pm or later and is a grumpy arse the next day and complaining about what time he went to bed.I've asked him several times not to as the truth is the baby is normally alseep most of that time and hubby is just on the PC playing his (stupid!!!) online game (that he's been addicted to for the last 5 or so months and has to have a daily fix of at least 4-5hrs!
) I'm also a lot better now that my bodies had some time to recover from the SPD and the birth......but he wont listen and he does it practically every night.During the day though he refuses to do anything to do with the 'maintenence' of the baby and he hardly plays with him either
He only remembers to speak to him if he starts whinging or talking to himself in the moses basket....he honestly IS more interested in his stupid flippin game And I warned him I didn't want this happening a few times running up to the birth and he swore he wouldn't He took the last month off to 'help and bond with the baby' but he hasn't at all. During the day he expects me to look after the baby, his father (whos flown over to be here for the first month) to play with him.....and it just seems that at about 11pm-12am when his dad's gone to bed and I'm struggling on the sofa to stay awake... a switch flicks and he's all lovely dovie daddy and cuddles him for maybe 1hr, sends me off upstiars to bed...and then as soon as the baby's tired it's stright in the moses basket and ignored for the rest of the night
It got to the point that at 2weeks old I had to tell him to start paying more attention to the baby or it wouldn't know who it's dad was! I did try and break it gently rather than being abusive about it. And we've got about a 10% improvement....but it just doesn't feel enough still. He still wont change nappies during the day....I can convince him to feed a bottle if he's not on the PC and/or I have something really pressing I need to do (like if I've just been pee'd on
)...he's not bothered about playing with him and/or putting him in the boucning chair or playmat, - just giving him cuddles......and I'm really sorry this is an essay but like I said I need to vent
....but what's happening the last 2-3 days is the baby has mild colic and is also more clingy because he's more aware about when you leave him. So this means more whinging than before and longer to settle him off to sleep. I'd still consider him pretty good though! but his dad just can't cope with the crying and half eating bottles because he's not really hungry etc and is REALLY starting to lose his temper.And when he loses his temper he's a right nasty piece of work
I nearly left him over it a few times earlier on in the relationship but he seemed to have controlled it really well about the last year and things have been great. He doesn't hit but he gets REALLY verbally abusive and slams around and has been a little bit rougher with the baby than he should be yesterday when he was tired out and stressed
Nothing that hurt him but 'plonking' him down from a few cm above and shouting at him (which obviously scared the poor little mite even more!) instead of carefully lowering him and just leaving the room to take a breather.I proper yelled when I saw him do it
I don't know how much longer I can leave it. He does want the baby and he does love him but he just isn't adjusting
I keep telling myself that 3 weeks still isn't a long time in his eyes.....but if this explosive temper is going to reappear he needs to sort it ASAP because I can't risk any harm to our son even though I know it would be accidental.
I really don't know how to broach it to him. I duno if I should suggest getting stress relief tablets from the doctor or to call a helpline (but who???) or what. He's going to be deeply hurt that I think he's that bad
He feels bad afterwards and appologises and is back to normal but I just never know when he's going to snap again. It's the crying really that sets him off and there's not a lot I can do because baby's cry!Just imagine what it's going to be like if he gets sick or starts teething!!?
...I guess he might probably resent how well I'm taking to being a mum as well because he's said some pretty stupid and hurtful things over the weekend during what I can only describe as a nervous hyperactivity when he went really imature....but even when I pointed it out the next day he just went back into the same mood and tried to laugh it off and didn't appologise or anything......and trust me that's completely unlike my husband!
) really up for having another one in the near future so that Farooq has a permanent play mate 
