Didn't think I'd be in here

[kumber]

Well I guess it's happened. It's been a long time coming I think, he said he wants to move out as neither of us are happy. I think between family difficulties, jobs, money worries, uni and kids, it's all become too much and it's broken us. I'm so disappointed.

 

[El1en]

I'm sorry to read that. Will it definitely be for good? Has he already left? I hope you're okay, it must be so tough for you with such young children

 

[mylullaby]

Really sorry to hear this. Can you have a break for a bit and see how you both feel after some time apart? In one way I see this as him fucking off and abandoning you and his kids and responsibilities just because life isn't a bed of roses, and in another way I see it as sometimes when couples are in a rocky patch it can take some time apart for them to realise they actually want to be together and support each other through the crap times. A new baby is bound to put added strain on your relationship and if you were already having problems I can see why it might feel like it's reached breaking point. Do you have plenty of support from your friends and family? If you can't see any way of this being a temporary thing and you're sure it's really over, I would focus on getting practical first of all and making lists of finances and everything else you need to sort out. Might help to look at practical stuff if you feel like a complete mess thinking of the emotional side of things xxx

 

[russellmuscle]

Hey Hun

I know how you feel. D and I split when Jackson was 1 for a various amount of reasons. My happiness being one of them. I felt so dissapointed and like I had failed Jackson.

I began to get on myself which was very hard at first but eventually I got to find myself, and what made me happy. No one to disagree with constantly. We spent 1.5 years apart and decided to give it another go as there was still feelings there and for the sake of Jackson.

At the time, I didn't ever see us getting back together. But it just happened. If it is meant to be you will find your way back to one another. If he wants to leave, let him leave - you dont want him there out of pity. I find it incredibly selfish that he has just approached you with the move out as a solution. Have you tried living apart for a bit? We tried this, D moved in with his mum but eventually that was enough for me to decide I liked being alone. Could always trial living apart and revisit this? Or let him leave and just trust that if its meant to be it will?

It will be an incredibly emotional stressful time for you, but you will get there. You will find happiness, with or without him. He perhaps needs to see how life is without you and perhaps have time to reflect on the good times, and why he loves you and why he should try make it work.

I think a very long talk is needed. I wouldnt go making big decisions like breaking up on a whim.

If you need anything give me a wee message hun.

xxxx

 

[kumber]

Thanks for the support ladies.

We've been having problems for 2 years now, we went on a break before ds1 but when we found out we were pregnant we said we'd try again. It got better until ds1 arrived but it's been going hugely downhill since. It's something we've been discussing a lot, before and since Malachy arrived so it's not a spur of the moment argument decision. Financially I'm better off without him and he is struggling to get his uni stuff done. So it's a win win.

Due to finances he's not able to move out until January and I can't move out with the kids as they don't really settle anywhere else but home.

I think it'll be a temporary separation initially and then we'll see where we are come May/June time. If it's the end of it then it was never meant to be.

I think I'm most disappointed that after all our trying, it hasn't gotten any better. Such is life though I suppose.

 

[mylullaby]

Sounds like you've tried your best to make things work hunni but truth is if it was really meant to be it wouldn't be that much like hard work. Of course plenty of couples go through rough patches, but it shouldn't be a constant struggle. Life's too short to spend it being miserable with the wrong bloke. You can't say you haven't done your best to give things a go. Sounds like it's going to be really tough living together between now and the new year, but hopefully that'll give you time to get into a pattern of taking care of the kids at different times, etc so it's not a massive change for them when he moves out and it's a case of spending x time with mummy and y time with mummy. Obviously baby is too little to be away from you just yet, but you could work out "contact" time to get used to it while you're still technically living together. I've supported friends when they've split up with their children's dads and can't think of a single one of them who isn't genuinely happier now than they were when they were trying to make things work with the wrong partner. I also know plenty of people who grew up with parents who loathed one another but stayed together "for the sake of the kids" and it doesn't make for a happy childhood. You'll get through this lovely. Won't be easy but plenty of people do it and you can too xxx

 

[kumber]

Thanks chicken. I'm not worried about being on my own as such. Well I am but I'm not terrified of it or anything. My mom was a single mum, as is my aunt so I dunno, maybe it's just a family curse? no, in all seriousness I think we just need some time apart. We're in different places mentally, he still acts like a big kid and I'm so used to doing things my way that I'm not prepared to let things slide into a half-assed job with two little ones

 

[tinselcat]

You have my sympathies kumber xx

 

[kumber]

Thanks tinselcat

 

[H16]

Sorry to see this Hun but it sounds like you have thought about this a great deal before splitting up so no-one could ever say you didn't try Hun. Big hugs xxx

 

[kumber]

Thanks hun. We've been talking and he's admitted he hasn't been trying. Moving out is still on the cards but hopefully living together until then will become easier.

 

[H16]

Fingers crossed for you, I can imagine how hard it will be to live together x

 

[JamsMom]

Sorry to hear this. could you try counselling? X

 

[kumber]

This thread is a year old hun

We're waaaaaaay better a year on, he's sorted himself out and stopped being a Grade A tool

 

[JamsMom]

This thread is a year old hun

We're waaaaaaay better a year on, he's sorted himself out and stopped being a Grade A tool

So it is! What a difference a year makes! Glad it worked out!