destressed dad to be

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by hopefuldadtobe, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. hopefuldadtobe

    hopefuldadtobe New Member

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    Hi,

    this is my first post and I am asking for advice, desperately.

    I have googled a lot about bleeding during pregnancy and realise it is quite common and probably crops up on the forum a lot, but I can't find the answers I need.

    My wife has been bleeding since we found out she was pregnant. We had a miscarriage at 3 months last year and that was preceded by bleeding too. Also, we think she had an early miscarriage the previous year too. We are desperate for everything to be ok, but as a result of history and this desperation to have a healthy pregnancy and child I feel there is pressure and stress. How much can this be effecting things?

    I want nothing more than to reassure my wife and tell her it will be ok, but I can't believe this myself when things don't feel as they should. I understand spotting can occur in upwards of 1 in 10 pregnancies, but is it normal for one person to bleed each time they are pregnant?

    My wife is trying to take control of things and relax and meditate, but I think she still feels a lot of pressure to be strong enough to hold onto this child. I am at a loss, and I don't know what to do.

    thanks in advance,

    R
     
  2. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    Hi there

    I've not had the same past experiences as you and your wife although I did miscarry last year.

    With this pregnancy I have had quite a bit of bleeding on and off since around week 5. I'm now almost 14 weeks and after another bleed two days ago, I've been checked over and my by s is fine.

    I can't away what is happening with your wife but every pregnancy is different. I just wanted to reassure you that bleeding isn't always bad news.

    FX for a happy healthy pregnancy for you and your wife

    Xx
     
  3. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    Applies for typos - I'm logged in on my phone
     
  4. Beanie1975

    Beanie1975 Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    I really don't have much advice as I haven't had any bleeding, but it does appear to be common and most people do go on to have healthy pregnancies. My sister did have bleeding on an off throughout her pregnancy but particularly in Tri 1 and she now has a 9 year old son! There's definitely hope, even with past experiences and bleeding. How far gone is your wife? I would speak to your gp (if you haven't) and explain that you'd like to have an early scan say at 8 weeks ish because of previous mc's. As for trying to stay relaxed and stressfree, this must help but sometimes the more emphasis you put on trying to ensure you're relaxed the more pressure you're actually putting on yourself. I'd try to keep her mind active with doing things, nothing strenuous but things like walks, reading, meeting up with friends or family basically taking your mind off your worries and also time goes quicker if you've got things to do.

    Good luck and fx for you both
     
  5. nbrintz

    nbrintz Well-Known Member

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    I had quite a bit of bleeding in tri 1 also I'm 20 weeks now fx for u and ur wife x
     
  6. MrsS143

    MrsS143 Well-Known Member

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    As for stress, it provably won't affect baby until later stages ofntri one
    The issue from stress is more the elevated heart rate of the mother I think
    But until the placentatakes over the baby won't feel a thing
    I don't think its something wort worrying about to add to your worry already

    If she is bleeding tell the midwife, she can refer you for an early scan
    Alternatively if she has any pains then go to a&e and say you're concerned that its really painful and bleeding


    What type of blood?
    Is it old? ie brown? Or fresh red? How much is there? Just when wiping or enough to fill a pad? Is there clots? X
     
  7. clareybell

    clareybell Well-Known Member

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    Hi - like everyone has been saying, bleeding is very common in tri one - I had bleeding at 6 weeks, then a scan and everything was fine. Really early on it can be down to implantation - the best advice I can give though is to see a doctor and get an early scan - I always feel less stressed I I feel like I'm doing something and trying to take control - really hope everything goes well for you and your wife xx
     
  8. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    How many weeks is she? My friend has bled from 4 weeks and its only really stopped now, she is currently 30 weeks. So its happened pretty much throuhout but scans all indicate her vaby is fine. Deffinately go to tge dr though if anything it may put your mind at ease
     
  9. hopefuldadtobe

    hopefuldadtobe New Member

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    Hi again,

    thanks so much for all the quick responses, they have all been reassuring. The bleeding has continued, mostly small brown amounts but this past day or two it has been red, no clots. She went to the gp this morning and he has sent off blood tests. She thinks some of the blood may be in her urine. She is only 3 - 4 weeks at the minute. We wouldn't be so worried if it hadn't been for miscarrying last year and the 3 months she spent pregnant were full of discomfort and pain and bleeding and sadness. We convinced ourselves it would be worth it to have a baby at the end but that was taken too. And now it is hard to see this as anything other than a bad sign. I haven't expressed this to her at all though.

    My wife is always the kind of person who is on the go, she works hard, is studying a masters and never stops, I am worried that now she has to slow down it is giving her too much time when she is dwelling on the negative side of things and the potential for things to go wrong. I will try to fill our time up with non strenuous things as she has said time is going so slowly.

    I am so worried about her mental health as she suffered from depression in the past and the first miscarriage was a set back, a second one would be devastating and she has already said if this one miscarries she won't be trying again.

    Thanks again for everyone's kind words.
     
  10. gemloulau

    gemloulau Well-Known Member

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    She sounds like a very lucky woman to have such a supportive OH has you.

    It's so easy for us all to say but please please try not to worry I'm a fine one to talk, I had a very bumpy ride in the beginning and it is so easy to admit defeat and assume the worst, fortunately things are ok at for now.

    All I can suggest is that you can carry on giving her love and support and I'm sure you will both come through this (whatever the outcome) much stronger for it.

    All the best, please do keep us posted. This really is a fantastic forum for support on all aspects of pregnancy and you can guarantee there will be someone who has gone through the same thing who can offer help and support, it might be helpful for your Wife to sign up too.

    xx
     
  11. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    ive bled in both my pregnancies and all is well, 1st is now 14 months and 2nd is 26 weeks cooked sofar
     
  12. Beanie1975

    Beanie1975 Well-Known Member

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    Ditto what GemLou has said. Couldn't have put it better! x
     
  13. hopefuldadtobe

    hopefuldadtobe New Member

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    Thanks, I know I try hard but I also know I don't always get it right and we both have very different approaches to problems, I'm trying to be more like her in ways, for example I find it more difficult to visualise than she does. She has bought clothes and can imagine our baby wearing them, whereas I might shy away from that after what happened the first time. But I am trying to be more in the frame of mind that this is happening, and will happen.

    Also, does anyone have doubts about having an internal scan? The first time my wife had one during the last pregnancy she felt very uncomfortable before and after and we wondered was there any way it have have affected things?

    Thank you.
     
  14. MrsMeaney

    MrsMeaney Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I've not had any bleeding. But I was speaking to my mum yesterday who admitted she bled heavily when pregnant with me and was convinced she'd lost me. Thinking there wasn't much she could do, she just rested and got on with it. Luckily the pregnancy continued and, well, here I am 28 years later and healthy as anything. Keep those chins up. Try not to panic unless she experiences severe cramping and/or perhaps contact your GP to put your minds at ease xx
     
  15. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    I had an internal scan at 7 weeks as I thought pregnancy might be ectopic, no problems with it, ive been told internal scan would have no effect on baby
     
  16. Mum2betash

    Mum2betash Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I can't help with the blessing, only hope all is ok, but with regards to an internal scan, i had 2 in my pregnancy and it caused no problems at all, so don't worry there! :) xx
     

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