Hello everyone. Well, I don't know where to begin here. I'm going through a very complicated situation and I can't stand it anymore. It's consuming me and I really don't want that to happen right now. Since I don't have any friends I can talk to about this I figured I should seek help somewhere. I discovered my first pregnancy on the 1st of January. I was surprised, since my husband & I were TTC during a year... aaand nothing happened during this year. I was actually ready to go insane because I really wanted a baby, so after a year I decided I should definitely forget about having a baby and forget about motherhood, keeping no hopes at all. Then it happened. I was so happy, my husband too. Pretty much everyone in my family felt happy. I even scheduled my first appointment with the doctor. I'm going this Friday. I guess that's the background, now the issue: I feel overwhelmed by a deep fear, by anxiety, by sadness and all of this. It's a dark feeling and I'm scared. I begin to feel guilt, despair and hopelessness all of a sudden. I have depression and a few other issues since I was maybe 13 or 14, that means I've been putting up with mental health issues for a long time in my life, but I managed to learn how to deal with them and keep it all under control. The thing is: I definitely don't know how to deal with this illness during pregnancy because it's not the same thing I had before. Everything that seemed bad now seems horrible, it's like my depression got amplified all of a sudden. It's like a new depression. It's making me feel truly exhausted... it's just so hard to deal with this. My afternoons are literal hell. I can have a good time during the morning & at night, but I feel like dying during the afternoon. It's like I'm trapped inside a bad dream. I don't know what to do. I'm having intrusive thoughts and so on. Please, someone help. Someone had/has this too? I really need to talk.