Depression during pregnancy. Help...

[SallyLuna]

Hello everyone. Well, I don't know where to begin here. I'm going through a very complicated situation and I can't stand it anymore. It's consuming me and I really don't want that to happen right now. Since I don't have any friends I can talk to about this I figured I should seek help somewhere. I discovered my first pregnancy on the 1st of January. I was surprised, since my husband & I were TTC during a year... aaand nothing happened during this year. I was actually ready to go insane because I really wanted a baby, so after a year I decided I should definitely forget about having a baby and forget about motherhood, keeping no hopes at all. Then it happened. I was so happy, my husband too. Pretty much everyone in my family felt happy. I even scheduled my first appointment with the doctor. I'm going this Friday.

I guess that's the background, now the issue: I feel overwhelmed by a deep fear, by anxiety, by sadness and all of this. It's a dark feeling and I'm scared. I begin to feel guilt, despair and hopelessness all of a sudden. I have depression and a few other issues since I was maybe 13 or 14, that means I've been putting up with mental health issues for a long time in my life, but I managed to learn how to deal with them and keep it all under control. The thing is: I definitely don't know how to deal with this illness during pregnancy because it's not the same thing I had before. Everything that seemed bad now seems horrible, it's like my depression got amplified all of a sudden. It's like a new depression. It's making me feel truly exhausted... it's just so hard to deal with this. My afternoons are literal hell. I can have a good time during the morning & at night, but I feel like dying during the afternoon. It's like I'm trapped inside a bad dream. I don't know what to do. I'm having intrusive thoughts and so on.

Please, someone help. Someone had/has this too? I really need to talk.

 

[fairyprincess]

Hi, you need to see your GP ASAP, I wouldn't wait until Friday. Pregnancy hormones can make mental health worse. I really struggled with my anxiety issues the 1st couple of weeks but it's calmed down now.

See your GP, talk to your husband and any family/friends you can trust. Don't keep your feelings to yourself. *hugs* x

 

[SallyLuna]

Hello... thanks for your answer. *hugs* The problem is that I can't see the doctor right away because she's on vacation & will go back to work on Friday. I've been waiting for 2 weeks already. I don't really know what to do. I think I may be 6 weeks & 6 days pregnant because of the date of my last period, November 25. I hope everything will be fine... I just want things to be ok. I don't really trust my husband when it comes to my mental health issues because he tends to misinterpret things and I end up looking like an idiot. Also, he always makes sarcastic remarks and I don't want to feel irritated now. I tend to talk to my mother who is very close to me, but I don't want to be a burden and keep bothering her all the time...

 

[Nickinakinoo]

It's the hormones lovely, they screw everything up and amplify everything! I've been on pretty strong medication for 15 years for depression and anxiety, suffered with it since pre teens so I can relate,one of my first clues about my pregnancy is I knew my meds weren't working properly! You need to get an emergency appointment with any gp at your surgery, they might suggest a low dose medication just to balance things out during the pregnancy and they'll be able to point you in the directions of local support groups. Then if you need to see your own gp when she is back. Xx

 

[SallyLuna]

I'll try to do that, dearest, thank you so much. I'm really scared and I definitely feel alone... it's not nice at all to have these feelings during pregnancy. Everything people say to me is getting on my nerves, specially the things my husband says. Sometimes I feel very affectionate towards him but some other times I just want to avoid being in the same room because of the way he talks to me. I feel so confused. I'm easily hurt since I was a child, but it seems I've reached a new level on that.

 

[SallyLuna]

Woke up feeling horrible today. I don't know what to do. I took some time to admit this to myself but I think a lot about terminating this pregnancy because I feel like i'm not ready, I need to take control over my body and my mind again, but abortion is illegal where I'm living (third world countries...). I really feel like dying right now. I can't do anything right. I'm sorry. I don't think I'm strong enough to do this at this point in my life. Sometimes I don't have enough energy to take a shower and eat, how am I supposed to take care of a small child? I need to do something for the sake of my own wellbeing and physical/mental health. Someone help. What can I do now? Any herbs or medicine I could start taking? This feeling is going to kill me if I don't do something as soon as possible.

 

[MrsS15]

Hi Sally, sending you huge hugs You sound in a lot of pain!

I've struggled a lot with depression throughout my life, which has heightened over the last year. I worry a lot how my hormones will react if I do become pregnant. You need to see your GP tomorrow and be completely honest with how you're feeling at the moment, it's so important. They can hopefully refer you to a perinatal mental health team who will give you help and support throughout your pregnancy and keep a close eye on you. I know right now you can't see light at the end of the tunnel but there will be. Your hormones are in total over drive right now and that will calm down!

Hang in there, I'll be thinking of you xx