Dealing with insensitive friends- help?

Discussion in 'Secondary Infertility' started by Marla44, Jul 29, 2013.

  1. Marla44

    Marla44 New Member

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    Hi, I'm new to the site. I have a little boy who is 30 months and we've been trying for #2 for a year. With our first I conceived within a week but this time despite getting the all clear from the gp it's not happening.

    I have told no one we're trying other than my mum because we didn't want the pressure. My husband has occasional ED which complicates matters. Anyway I recently confided in who I thought was my most sensitive of friends. I've known her since uni. She told me they had just started trying and the whole saga came tumbling out.

    Anyway turns out she is not sensitive at all. She recently visited me whilst my other half was away. She called before to say she suspected she was pregnant just to warn me. Anyway she spent the whole evening talking about babies and discussing what was going on with me. This included telling me about a magazine article she had read about a woman with secondary infertility who had been trying for 10 yrs for #2 only for it to not happen, break up her marriage and ruin relations with her only child!! Helpful not! She then told me to be honest with my other friends & just say "we've been trying for ages & it's not working", we'd been trying for 9 months at that point. When I said I was trying to stay positive because I have a lot to be grateful for, she said I shouldn't deny my true feelings!

    But after a difficult night, the piece de resistance was when she announced in the morning that she had taken a pregnant test (in my home!) and it was positive!!!

    I couldn't wait to get her out of the house. I was so upset that I threw up immediately after she left.

    I now don't know what to do. She keeps texting with pregnancy updates & I am genuinely happy for her (if a bit envious) but I am so angry with her that I feel like its getting in the way of me conceiving. If I have it out with her though is it not going to look like its simply because I'm jealous. I don't want to stress her out but the extra stress she's piled on me is immense.

    Any thoughts gratefully welcomed. Sorry this is so long!
     
  2. Esperanza84

    Esperanza84 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear you feel this way! I remember when we were trying for no.1 we had tried for ages and I told one of my closest friends. Turned out, that she was pregnant and was scared to tell me as she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I would tell her how you feel, that you are happy for her but that you cannot take pregnancy talk all the time.

    About you struggling - have you seen your gp? And done tests? We know that we have low sperm count, so that is why it took a long time the first time conceiving, and will probably take a long time now. I'm secretly saving money for IVF if I get too impatient...lol!

    I hope you feel better soon and than you fall pregnant again!

    xx
     
  3. Marla44

    Marla44 New Member

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    Hi Esperanza - thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I think I will speak to her. I need to do something to feel like I am managing the situation.

    Yes I've seen my GP but to be honest she hasn't been great. I've had all the tests done Day 3, Day 21 etc which have all come back fine, but she can't explain why I'm still producing breast milk (I stopped feeding my son after 6 weeks) or why since we've been TTC I now have a week of brown discharge before my period arrives. She won't refer us until my husband has given a sperm sample, but that's easier said than done with his ED.

    I've just emailed a private fertility clinic for an appointment in the hope they might provide some answers.

    Have you heard of Maca Root? It's supposed to improve sperm quality. I bought some for myself, as I'd heard it might help with the brown discharge, but my husband has had it too and it seems to improve libido as well.
     
  4. Dee28

    Dee28 Well-Known Member

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    Your situation sounds similar to mine, we've been trying almost a year for our second and after the usual blood tests etc it turns out that somewhere along the way my hubby's sperm has taken a nose dive. I also get the spotting every month and hubby has problems sealing the deal so to speak. We were gobsmacked at the SA results given we conceived our daughter the second month and hubby also has a child from a previous relationship that was conceived easily so its worth encouraging your DH to try to do a test to rule that out. I may add maca to our list of vitamins! Secondary infertility is certainly a tough thing, my growing daughter just makes me yearn for another more and more xx


     

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