Crying Time

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Tiny Sue, Jan 27, 2006.

?

Should you pick up your baby every time he/she cries?

  1. Yes

  2. No

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  1. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

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    Okay...first real challenge.

    Naomi's normally a very "good" baby and doesn't really cry a lot. She normally wakes up for her feed and lies there looking around her or I have to wake her. This is during the day.

    I know that it is good for them to cry a little some times. But Naomi's crying time tends to be between 2 and 5 am! She can grizzle and squall for up to two hours after a feed.

    And this is all good, I would worry if she didn't cry SOMETIMES.

    However, my weakness - I can't listen to her cry and ignore it. I have to pick her up and soothe her. It's really hard.

    As a result my little not-even-a-month old bundle is getting spoiled. So much so that when you stand over her crib when she is crying she stops immediately because she knows she'll be picked up.

    My husband and I have decided to try to ignore her when we have made sure that everything is okay and that she's clean, full, dry etc. That's why I'm down here now. She's been squalling for the last hour - half waking every ten minutes or so and having a little grumble and then quieting down, only to start again a few minutes later.

    I can't take it. I feel like such a rat not picking her up, but everyone keeps telling me that spoiling a child of this age is "making a rod to beat yourself".

    Any thoughts or ideas?

    Sue
     
  2. emilia

    emilia Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear...
    I've been under the impression from all the wise baby books, that it's not possible to spoil a baby at this young age. What they simply need, is reaassurance, thats all. I tend to Oscar immediately and saves myself an awful lot of winding later on.
    At the mo, Oscar is a little terror between 2.30am - 6am. Feeds happily but won't settle. It's a rather large challenge for me, as my hubby not here during the week. As a result, I've accepted this carry on, but by 8 weeks, the fat lady will sing. I personally think that's a good time to firm up a bit and get a proper routine going.
    So, in the meantime, I'm picking up and reassurring. I'm just so pleased that he's generally a very happy baby...... I've heard that babies can cry up to 3 hours a day!!!!!! Now that's what i call a NIGHTMARE!!!!!! :shock:

    I don't think I've been much help to you, but I would say that it looks like you're doing the right thing for you!! A bit of crying is harmless I'm sure.
    Hope she settles soon...... my nightshift continues for a few weeks longer. :D :? :shock:
    Emilia xx
     
  3. Guest

    I pick Damien up when he cries too. Maybe I blame it on him being premature and newborns need attention soon, not to be left. But when they get a bit bigger ( couple of months old maybe) you let them cry a bit.

    Admittedly at 5.5weeks old I still pick him up almost straight away (give or take 2 minutes) and he knows I'll run to him I think. At the moment he cries about 1 hour before a feed is due so that I will cuddle him. Little git! JHe certainly isn't hungry as he has 4oz every 4 hours!

    Try keeping her awake more during the day to help her sleep better at night maybe?
     
  4. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    if i know that Coby hasnt got a dirty/wet nappy, hes not got wind and doesnt need a feed then i wont pick him up, we have cuddle times through the day so when he gets restless i just talk to him in his chair/mosses basket and stroke his face to let him know im there instead of picking him up all the time
     
  5. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    Luckily Brody doesn't cry in the night at all. Even if he wakes up hungry I hear him and feed him before it gets that far.
    In the day, I rock him or pick him up if he cries. I have left him for a few minutes crying to see if he'll calm down though, although to be honest not longer than 5 minutes.
    If he did cry in the night and was dry/fed etc, I would leave him, or at least cut down the soothing time, not go to him straight away or I put him down quicker.
     
  6. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    I am a strong believer that babies only cry when they have a problem, even if they just need a comforting cuddle or they are a bit cold - it's not 'normal' for babies to just have 'time to cry'.

    I always picked mine up and will do the same with this one, I always let them fall asleep on me when feeding or just in the evening if we were having a cuddle. My Mum used to say i was creating problems for myself but I never had any problem getting my two to go off to sleep in their beds and they are certainly not clingy. They are very happy confident kids who love their beds as it was never a place they associated with being upset.

    Again, just my personal view. Lots of love xx
     
  7. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    I pick up Zara every time she cries :D
     
  8. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    I don't believe in letting them cry it out at this point but I don't always need to pick him up- sometimes a pat in his cot, or re-swaddling or a dummy is enough. We did try letting him cry once and it just wound him up more and it took even longer to settle him afterwards. I think it kind of depends why they're crying too- if it's because he's overtired then sometimes he likes being swaddled and put in bed rather than rocked or held- he kind of relaxes and looks relieved and sometimes smiles before closing his eyes when this is the case.

    I read somewhere that the amount of crying peaks at 6 weeks- not sure if this is true or a very silly statistic! I have found that he cries an awful lot less now that we are all in a rough routine- probably because I'm more likely to know why he's crying or because we anticipate tiredness, hunger and need for attention and so head it off as it were.

    +++
     
  9. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    Rubie never cries unless she needs something so it would be cruel to leave her. I had to leave her for a couple of minutes this morning because I was feeding the cats and needed to wash my hands etc, it was only for a minute or two but it really upset me hearing her crying and not being able to comfort her...
     
  10. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    I also never leave Jamie to just cry on his own, they cry for a reason even if it is just for a cuddle! I think Emilia is right you cant spoil a baby at this age so dont feel bad for giving in.
     
  11. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

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    I would never leave Isaac crying. I think he cries for a reason so i go through the check list ie hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, bored etc every time he cries.

    He also cries in the night and can't settle after a feed like he does in the daytime. We tried giving him a bath just before bedtime the other night and he loved it and did seem to settle a bit better but we havent done it since for one reason or another. I also give him infacol now before feeds as he gets more windy at night.

    I think alot of the problem is me at night and not Isaac. To be honest what seems no hassle in the daytime, like winding or comforting, seems alot more of a chore at night time when I'm so tired I cant see straight! I think Isaac picks up on this and thats why he is more wingey.

    Lou
     
  12. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    I wouldnt pick a baby up all the time. Thats not to say I wont lift and cuddle for a wee minute but they do get fly quite quick. I tend more to go in and tell baby its okay and Im not far away and stroke her face. I wont pretend its not hard but when you know you can put your baby down and they comfort themselves back to sleep at night its worth it.

    I would put Jessica down with my nightie or pj top stretched across the mattress so she had the scent. I found this quite effective.

    Every baby is different as are we adults.

    Laura.
     
  13. AmberNicole

    AmberNicole Well-Known Member

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    We usually pick Ava up right away if she's crying. If she's just fussing and I know she's not hungry, wet/poopy, etc... I give her a few minutes. If she starts crying then I go to comfort her. At night, she'll fuss a bit in her crib, but usually falls right to sleep without needing me to go over to her or pick her up. Sometimes Ava will start crying while she's in her walker, but recently I've noticed after a few minutes she carries on playing with her toys. I don't think a little crying, especially after 6 months of age, is harmful.

    I'm with everyone else, I don't think you're spoiling your baby at all.
     
  14. Tineke

    Tineke Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I agree, I have not let Seth cry for an amount of time, same unless I am washing my hands or something. I do not believe a baby can be spoiled at this age. Imaine that they hahve been in our womb for 9 months and suddenly they look up and are alone, for sure they will cry...

    I have a soft fattle toy which hopefully one day he can hold and this will be of comfort to him for when I can not be there ( if and when that will be)

    I would never leave my baby to cry!!!

    tineke
     
  15. *saulino*

    *saulino* Well-Known Member

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    Hello

    We alkl have different opinions but i would say yes because i was told you can never spoil a baby too much, and that they are crying cuz they are tryin to tell you soimthing as they cant talk, so i do but everyone is different
    Katrina
     
  16. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    Me and Rubie have just discovered dummys and we now have hardly any crying!! YIPPEE!! :D
     
  17. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    Kim, Arent you a bit old for a dummy! :shock:
     
  18. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    Not me, Rubie uses it lol, but we come as a pair :wink:
     
  19. Guest

    Dummies are one of the best inventions :lol:
    I only originally used them to get D's sucking reflex going better, but now they come in handy as a 'noise plug'
     

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