controlled crying

[babybee]

To add, my lo hates her car seat and a 20 minute journey could see her screaming the whole way. Nothing can be done to console her, Id hate to think she was getting any kind of damage done to herself when I'm the one driving and can't console her. To me this is far worse than letting them cry for 5mins when they're sleepy and drifting off to sleep yet most mums do this (myself included) and from what i have seen, the older children have also turned out fine.

 

[Nicnax]

We don't do controlled crying in the official sense of the word- more like, if our little girl grizzles when she goes to bed, we check that she's okay, not got herself stuck somewhere in the cot etc, and then allow her to self settle, which she does with in a few minutes, usually. I know the difference between a grizzle, & a cry, & I would never ignore a real cry- as mummies, we can usually work out whether there is a problem or not. I have a very happy, well rested baby, & she certainly seems not to be distressed by being allowed to grizzle for a little while.

I think we also need to remember that, regardless of the parents sleep being interrupted, babies need their sleep too! Overtired babies are unhappy babies, & as parents, we have a duty to teach our children how to rest. Everyone has sleep cycles, which mean we, apparently, wake several times a night. We simply resettle ourselves, & go back to sleep, & don't remember it in the morning. Babies do exactly the same, except that they don't know how to resettle themselves. Taking baby out of their cot will wake them even more, & they will not learn to resettle themselves. Therefore, they will have a very broken nights' sleep, & will likely be tired the next day.

I'm sure that leaving a baby screaming in their bed for hours on end long-term is damaging- it probably wouldn't work anyway, as baby would likely develop an association with being scared/ unhappy in their cot. But they say it takes 3 days to break/ introduce a routine to a baby, & I'm sure that's not long enough to do any damage.

It's obviously not a decision you have taken lightly, & you have done it with your little ones best interests at heart, & so you should be proud of yourself.

 

[mrs v]

I did use the cc technique although at no point did I leave him for more than 5 minutes...I put him down after his last feed, he then stood up in his cot and started to cry...I went in after 2 mins then lay him down, hush hush and left the room, I continued to do this every 5 mins until he fell asleep, about half hour in total, he was crying the whole time but at no point was I concerned about his pitch or tone (which us mummys know).

I didn't come to the decision lightly and have done my reading, I am no expert on the technique, I am however the expert when it comes to my baby and his needs. I know lots of people who have used the technique and none of the parents report any problems with their children's attachment or behvaviour.

I appreciate each and every response on this thread and am not dismissing anyones views as they are all relevant and interesting. For now I am however going to stick with it, last night might have been a fluke...who kows...only tonight will tell...

Heres to happy rested mummys

 

[LYLLJellyTots]

I read your post leesey, I just don't think it is at all constructive or supportive. It's not a point of who is right or wrong, it's not even a point of it I agree with you or not, it's a point of how things are worded and put across. There are always going to be debates about emotive subjects, controlled crying, breast feeding, weaning, etc etc etc, but there is a way to go about things.

Controlled crying done in a safe way is not going to do more damage physically or psychologically than having a mother forgetting to strap a car seat in who could potentially end up having a break down from exhaustion. I am not going to enter into a text argument on a forum, I have said my opinion and been as supportive as I can be x I hope it works out Hun and that you manage to get some rest xxxx

 

[Rhino Horn]

To add, my lo hates her car seat and a 20 minute journey could see her screaming the whole way. Nothing can be done to console her, Id hate to think she was getting any kind of damage done to herself when I'm the one driving and can't console her. To me this is far worse than letting them cry for 5mins when they're sleepy and drifting off to sleep yet most mums do this (myself included) and from what i have seen, the older children have also turned out fine.

Exactly!

So does this research look at babies who cry in their car seats and we can't console them because we're on the motorway and can't stop?

Crikey I reckon most of the population in the country have got damaged brains then!



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[BeeRobinson]

I don't normally post in here, just tend to nose about for help and information but I felt compelled to in this case. I find it very odd when people post asking for advice but then don't want the advice they get. Personally I am completely against CC and I believe the information that Leesey is sharing is very valid. However what has struck me most here is how people are so quick to tell her she is wrong and that she shouldn't tell others what they can and can't do and then they go on to state categorically that there is nothing wrong with CC which in my opinion is a very dangerous assumption to make. The research on CC is still fairly early but it exists and it exists because the practice of CC has raised concern amongst propfessions.
I find the 'my parents did it and I'm fine' attitude a little naive especially when we are dealing with a practice which we don't yet know the repercussions of.
Finally I think as this is an open support site, if a person asks for help they should be grateful for all opinions they receive and that people should be free to share their opinions without fear of negative responses.

 

[l_maclean]

I don't normally post in here, just tend to nose about for help and information but I felt compelled to in this case. I find it very odd when people post asking for advice but then don't want the advice they get. Personally I am completely against CC and I believe the information that Leesey is sharing is very valid. However what has struck me most here is how people are so quick to tell her she is wrong and that she shouldn't tell others what they can and can't do and then they go on to state categorically that there is nothing wrong with CC which in my opinion is a very dangerous assumption to make. The research on CC is still fairly early but it exists and it exists because the practice of CC has raised concern amongst propfessions.
I find the 'my parents did it and I'm fine' attitude a little naive especially when we are dealing with a practice which we don't yet know the repercussions of.
Finally I think as this is an open support site, if a person asks for help they should be grateful for all opinions they receive and that people should be free to share their opinions without fear of negative responses.

Bee - not meaning to have a go here, so I do apologise. (I actually agree with leesy's info on the subject of CC/CIO)

But I think the problem is that the OP asked for advice on the particulars of using the technique, ie HOW? not opinion on whether or not she should do it. She had already stated that she felt this was her last option (so while I don't agree with it) it really is kinda pointless and a little unfair to tell her that she's wrong.

 

[babybee]

I find the 'my parents did it and I'm fine' attitude a little naive especially when we are dealing with a practice which we don't yet know the repercussions of.

Controlled crying isn't a new fad, it's something I know in my Italian culture has been going on for so many years. I don't think I take a naive stance on this by reflecting on how I was raised, after all for centuries women have raised their babies with the help of their female relatives and associated experience as there were no child rearing books then.
I always welcome new ideas and views and the research posted in this thread is very enlightening, I am just very dubious about accepting it when I personally havent seen the side effects mentioned.

 

[BeeRobinson]

I can see your point and looking at the thread again it's actually not the OP's response which concerns me but the others that followed.
Parenting is such a mine field and every one is trying to do their best and I was actaully really surprised at the agression in some of the responses to Leeseys advice.

 

[BeeRobinson]

I find the 'my parents did it and I'm fine' attitude a little naive especially when we are dealing with a practice which we don't yet know the repercussions of.

Controlled crying isn't a new fad, it's something I know in my Italian culture has been going on for so many years. I don't think I take a naive stance on this by reflecting on how I was raised, after all for centuries women have raised their babies with the help of their female relatives and associated experience as there were no child rearing books then.
I always welcome new ideas and views and the research posted in this thread is very enlightening, I am just very dubious about accepting it when I personally havent seen the side effects mentioned.

I certainly wasn't suggesting that CC is new fad, however the research is fairly new and it's from this reaserch that we learn new things about raising our babies. Sleeping on their front being an example - as a child I was always put to sleep on my front but through research we have found there are safer ways for babies to sleep.
I felt that Leesey and others were simply urging the OP to try more gentle approaches where possible.

(for my first post this is certainly jumping in at the deep end but CC is a subject I feel quite strongly about)

 

[diane]

I agree with bee. I felt that leesey offered advice in a helpful, friendly way and find it quite shocking how some people have jumped on her tbh. She is obviously well versed into CIO and cc and was just offering advice regarding the research which she has been privy to.

 

[leesey]

Crikey I reckon most of the population in the country have got damaged brains then!



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Just a couple of generations.

 

[babybee]

I didn't write that?

 

[leesey]

I didn't write that?

You're right that wasn't you, the quote came out wrong!

Crikey I reckon most of the population in the country have got damaged brains then!

Just a couple of generations!

 

[babybee]

Ah, I didn't see that bit at the top, sorry!

 

[Chezza]

Actually a couple of the ladies made a very relevant point - when a little one is in a car seat and you are driving along a motorway, for example, should you pull over and comfort immediately - and do this each time they cry?

I am in no way being sarcastic or confrontational - I am genuinely interested to hear how this type of theory applies to this type of situation.

In addition to this, I live in a town house and when my little one (rarely, thank goodness!) cries in the middle of the night, it can take me a good 2 mins to get up / dressed and down to his floor...would this be considered cruel? I do hope not, as I do try and get to him as quickly as possible.

xx

 

[Roo3]

I thought this was a support forum? I know some threads are highly emotive but telling someone they should and should not in such a forceful way I don't feel is very helpful, maybe there would be a better way to word things? We all have different views on parenting but that doesn't mean that I have the right to tell someone else how to bring up their children.

You have to do what you feel is right as a parent and if you feel that you are physically and mentally exhausted because of getting no sleep then controlled crying for a few nights will be better in the long run than the alternative x as long as the baby is safe and you recognise when that cry goes beyond controlled crying then I say go for it x I have three children and probably do a lot of things other mums don't agree with, you are always going to get people who don't agree with you no matter what you do, as long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is in the best interest of your children, then you don't need to justify that to anyone x

This is exactly what I was trying to say, you just put it a lot better than I did!

 

[russellmuscle]

Wowzer.

So well done firstly mrsv on trusting your own initiative! It worked! Well done!

I agree lornterm crying can cause problems, I've read that myself. But, lying grumbling or winging for a couple mins won't cause any damage. I'm with some mums to say I can tell when J needs me, he never cries long periods.

I think the way the information was given may have come across a bit forceful. The information would have been support in itself maybe. I wouldn't say that anyone has been agressive. After being on this forum a long while now, I've seen agressive mummies on here!

xxxxx

 

[mrs v]

Wowzer.

So well done firstly mrsv on trusting your own initiative! It worked! Well done!

I agree lornterm crying can cause problems, I've read that myself. But, lying grumbling or winging for a couple mins won't cause any damage. I'm with some mums to say I can tell when J needs me, he never cries long periods.

I think the way the information was given may have come across a bit forceful. The information would have been support in itself maybe. I wouldn't say that anyone has been agressive. After being on this forum a long while now, I've seen agressive mummies on here!

xxxxx

Haha thanks hun, although I keep thinking its a fluke and tonight ill be in for it...we will see...

I agree everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and its good hearing about research available etc. I posted on here for support and I feel I got it, I had made my mind up so was merely seeking opinion on others who had done it. Id love to read some of leeseys work, it sounds interesting, I'm quite intrigued about the families, the make up of them, age of children etc, sounds like interesting stuff, I have a similar background and love reading updated research.

Anyway a good debate is healthy and I feel all opinions have been viewed and heard!

Wish me luck for tonight ladies...and thanks for responses x

 

[Lynds77]

Wowzer.

So well done firstly mrsv on trusting your own initiative! It worked! Well done!

I agree lornterm crying can cause problems, I've read that myself. But, lying grumbling or winging for a couple mins won't cause any damage. I'm with some mums to say I can tell when J needs me, he never cries long periods.

I think the way the information was given may have come across a bit forceful. The information would have been support in itself maybe. I wouldn't say that anyone has been agressive. After being on this forum a long while now, I've seen agressive mummies on here!

xxxxx

Haha thanks hun, although I keep thinking its a fluke and tonight ill be in for it...we will see...

I agree everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and its good hearing about research available etc. I posted on here for support and I feel I got it, I had made my mind up so was merely seeking opinion on others who had done it. Id love to read some of leeseys work, it sounds interesting, I'm quite intrigued about the families, the make up of them, age of children etc, sounds like interesting stuff, I have a similar background and love reading updated research.

Anyway a good debate is healthy and I feel all opinions have been viewed and heard!

Wish me luck for tonight ladies...and thanks for responses x

good luck for tonight!

I would be interested to know more about these studies too. I always used to run to Freya as soon as she started whinging, and used to get told off by the older folks.
They always said that I should let her cry for a bit, you are making a rod for your back etc etc

be interesting to know if they are wrong! But i suspect the research is on a specified length of proper upset crying and not a few minutes of whinging.

it is an interesting subject. Almost as emotive as early weaning! haha x