controlled crying

[Roo3]

Definitely don't apologise. You are doing what you feel is best for you and your family.
As gayle says, maybe this is just what your lo needed.

 

[Lynds77]

Aww so glad it worked! Hopefully tonight he will be even better

Its not like you are leaving him crying for ages. I am not sure if 3mins is even classed as controlled crying. some would say that is just not spoiling them and letting them sort themselves out!

Hopefully you will both feel the benefit of it today and have a lovely day xxx

 

[Em91]

I'm sorry I know you think you've explored all avenues but I must again express how much you should NOT do controlled crying. I know I've said all this before to you, but it's not just a case of 'some people are against it' but the evidence that controlled crying damages brain development is overwhelming. Please do not make this your nightly routine.

I'm not just someone saying I don't agree with it, I've actually done postgraduate research projects on it, and there are colleagues I can put you in touch with who have PhDs in this area, one of whom has studied it for the last 23 years. Please please please discontinue this new routine straight away!! I know each to their own and all that but you were against it for a reason, please don't give in xx

wss ^^ Your lo will sleep through in their own time! Surely sleepless nights are better than risking the increased chance of behavioural and attachment difficulties for the rest of their life! Very few 2 year olds dont sleep through the night...


Using tapatalk can't see tickers

My 2 year old doesn't sleep through the night.

Didn't you lo just turn 1? So how do you know very few 2 year old dont sleep through the night?

I have an early years degree and spend all day at work studying childrens development!!

Using tapatalk can't see tickers

 

[Pickledonions]

Well done hun I resorted to cc when my eldest was 13 months because I was due on second 2 months later he was waking for 2 bottles and taking an oz each. He didn't need it it was habit. Worked for us on night 2 he didn't wake. I agree it could be bad for baby if the baby is simply too young or doesn't respond to it and your still doing for a week or so later but if the baby is ready your just helping them. my second baby is going to very damaged really isn't he considering I have to leave him to cry numerous times a day to deal with my toddler....jeez

mummy to my monkey Joshua 19.1.12 and little Oscar the grouch 19.4.13

 

[TORino]

I'm pleased it worked for you ladies. Excellent.
Hopefully you will have babies that now sleep well at night.

As I'm sure our resident 'experts' will agree, lack of sleep can cause many problems within children, and this is also well documented in research carried out.

 

[Belfast girl]

Well done!! Hopefully tonight will be easier!

We did cc when my eldest was 18 months and being a right pest and it just took one night/ 20 mins. Best thing ever!! Actually less crying than carrying her round/rocking her/ settling her

And my parents did it on me, when after a year I would still only sleep in my mums arms, day and night. I only wish they did it sooner and I have no 'difficulties' whatsoever.

 

[ceebee]

Well done honey I think you did the right thing and it didn't sound like it was too traumatic on Archie. Hope he keeps it up! We let Harry cry a bit but haven't really done cc as such. It's so hard as no one wants to hear their baby upset. I think grumpy and unhappy parents would have more effect on him than crying for a bit in the night personally. Good luck with it all xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Chezza]

I threw the "rulebook" out of the window the day we brought our little man home.

You have no need to apologise to anyone! Parenting is hard enough as it is - at the end of the day mummy and daddy know best - and you have to do what is right for you and your little one xx

 

[mrs v]

Aww really thanks for the support ladies, you really do need support when you make a decision like this so I genuinely thank you x ill update tomorrow morning...here's hoping we have cracked it, they are so intelligent these babies, we don't give them enough credit lol xx

 

[Karate Kid]

Big hug Hun, pleased that you have seen results. I don't think that CC is ever something parents will use as there first port of call it is normally a result of months of trying varying techniques!! I know how tough having a non-sleeper is, C has got a lot better now though. Xx

 

[LYLLJellyTots]

I thought this was a support forum? I know some threads are highly emotive but telling someone they should and should not in such a forceful way I don't feel is very helpful, maybe there would be a better way to word things? We all have different views on parenting but that doesn't mean that I have the right to tell someone else how to bring up their children.

You have to do what you feel is right as a parent and if you feel that you are physically and mentally exhausted because of getting no sleep then controlled crying for a few nights will be better in the long run than the alternative x as long as the baby is safe and you recognise when that cry goes beyond controlled crying then I say go for it x I have three children and probably do a lot of things other mums don't agree with, you are always going to get people who don't agree with you no matter what you do, as long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is in the best interest of your children, then you don't need to justify that to anyone x

 

[mrs v]

I thought this was a support forum? I know some threads are highly emotive but telling someone they should and should not in such a forceful way I don't feel is very helpful, maybe there would be a better way to word things? We all have different views on parenting but that doesn't mean that I have the right to tell someone else how to bring up their children.

You have to do what you feel is right as a parent and if you feel that you are physically and mentally exhausted because of getting no sleep then controlled crying for a few nights will be better in the long run than the alternative x as long as the baby is safe and you recognise when that cry goes beyond controlled crying then I say go for it x I have three children and probably do a lot of things other mums don't agree with, you are always going to get people who don't agree with you no matter what you do, as long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is in the best interest of your children, then you don't need to justify that to anyone x

Thank you

 

[FirstBabyEek]

I thought this was a support forum? I know some threads are highly emotive but telling someone they should and should not in such a forceful way I don't feel is very helpful, maybe there would be a better way to word things? We all have different views on parenting but that doesn't mean that I have the right to tell someone else how to bring up their children.

You have to do what you feel is right as a parent and if you feel that you are physically and mentally exhausted because of getting no sleep then controlled crying for a few nights will be better in the long run than the alternative x as long as the baby is safe and you recognise when that cry goes beyond controlled crying then I say go for it x I have three children and probably do a lot of things other mums don't agree with, you are always going to get people who don't agree with you no matter what you do, as long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is in the best interest of your children, then you don't need to justify that to anyone x

Brilliant response.

Good luck Mrs V xx

 

[leesey]

We all have different views on parenting but that doesn't mean that I have the right to tell someone else how to bring up their children.

I don't believe you've read my post correctly if you think I was just expressing views. I clearly stated that years and years of research have shown that practices such as controlled crying damages not only your baby's brain development, but also their emotional regulation capacities and their nervous systems. This is not my view, it is fact.

I suppose my psychology degree, and my Masters in attachment theory, and my accepted PhD proposal for studies in emotional wellbeing and attachment are just 'opinion' then? Guess my unis shouldn't have given me those degrees then, woops.


Yes, this is a support forum and I am always posting with the best of intentions, I've never posted with malice and I always make sure I give evidence to support my answers. I'm not being harsh.


***

Mrs V, I'm glad you're feeling better and hopefully in the long term there will be a better solution to this. Can I guide you towards Suzanne Zeedyk, a colleague whom I've met a couple of times and discussed these issues with. Also Dr Harry Burns, Chief Medical Officer for Scotland, who advocates this research evidence.

All the best xxx

 

[Lynds77]

Leesey - these studies. Either your own or others. Are they based on long periods of crying? Ie more than 5-10mins?

I am just interested as we now leave Freya for a minute or 2 before we go to her. Just to see if she will sort herself out. we can usually tell by the type of cry if she really needs us or not

I am not sure what the definition of controlled crying is. If its leaving baby to cry for 30mins or so then I would not be surprised of long term mental damage x

 

[knopk@]

Leesey, i think there are studies(not enough and very random), saying that CC doesnt have long term effects on children (no research before 6 months though).
I am not advocating CC or CIO, just trying to say thats what other people will base their decisions on.
I couldnt do sleep training, it goes against my instinct but i know people who have done it with 3 months old . It works of course but i dont know what effect it can potentially have and not willing to.find out.
However each to.their own, we cant tell people to change their parenting style even if we think its wrong. I do agree that everyone should do research for themselves prior to employing those techniques though and make a decision

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[Clairexx]

I think the term 'controlled crying' Is often used when it doesn't actually apply. Leaving your baby for just a couple of minutes is not deemed as controlled crying in the way that had been advised by CC experts etc. I had to leave my baby crying for a couple of minutes this morning to go to the toilet! It happens all the time as a necessity rather than a technique xx

 

[l_maclean]

Leesey - these studies. Either your own or others. Are they based on long periods of crying? Ie more than 5-10mins?

I am just interested as we now leave Freya for a minute or 2 before we go to her. Just to see if she will sort herself out. we can usually tell by the type of cry if she really needs us or not

I am not sure what the definition of controlled crying is. If its leaving baby to cry for 30mins or so then I would not be surprised of long term mental damage x

My understanding (may be wrong though) that cryin is different from a little grumble.

CC or CIO leaves a child who is not grumbling but Crying! CIO I think is the extreme version - where are controlled crying involved extending the time each time. So first time it's a minute crying, the 2, then 3, then 4, etc. between each comfort.

Having cried myself to sleep its not something I would subject someone else to intentionally - even 5 minutes is a long to to be crying constantly for.

 

[babybee]

Well done!! Hopefully tonight will be easier!

We did cc when my eldest was 18 months and being a right pest and it just took one night/ 20 mins. Best thing ever!! Actually less crying than carrying her round/rocking her/ settling her

And my parents did it on me, when after a year I would still only sleep in my mums arms, day and night. I only wish they did it sooner and I have no 'difficulties' whatsoever.

Same! My mum did it on all three of us and we have no difficulties or relationship issues (that we know of anyway). Nor are we quiet or reserved or bottle things up - like I've seen some research suggest.
Some babies drift off quietly, others do it noisily. When I go to sleep I usually babble some nonsense to myself, even now. If someone came and yanked me out of my bed when I did that I'd be mega peed off. I can't imagine it's any different for babies. We can all tell a distressed cry from a whingy 'Im so tired yet I don't want to sleep' cry and if the baby is doing the former then we'll tend to it.

 

[Nikkiportia]

All twins must end up with damaged brains then Because i can assure you that i cannot pick up each baby the second it cries because i have two who sometimes cry at the same time! It makes me feel terrible that i cannot consolethem both, but to think i am damging them makes me stress even more. As parents, you just have to do what is right for you and your family with the least amount of stress for all involved. If CC works for some, then great! And as mentioned above, i dont think most people are talking about leaving crying baby longer than a few minutes.