Controlled crying...is it the answer?

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Mrs Wibbily, Jul 6, 2013.

  1. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    Basically Finn has developed an aversion to his cot and now only sleeps on one of us and in our bed! I would like my evenings back, this has been going on for the last 3 weeks. I don't know what to do? Is controlled crying the answer? I have always said no way never I'm not doing it but I don't know what else to do!?

    Thanks in advance. Xx
     
  2. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    It wasnt for me. We stayed with our son until he settled,we would cuddle, read to him etc and went in to reassure him. It was hard but i couldnt break his trust and leave him to cry. It just didnt work, he would work himself up in a state

    Tapatalking so cant see signatures
     
  3. Lolly85x

    Lolly85x Well-Known Member

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    Me personally I don't like Controlled Crying. I think if it works for some people then that's great. But perhaps there's other methods to try before that? How old is he? Has maybe something scared him? Or perhaps a leap?xx
     
  4. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    I love you girls. Thanks for reminding me why I don't like it. I'm not doing it. XxxX
     
  5. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    He's 8 and a half months, mid leap and probably got some teething issues. My wobble is over. Thanks. Xxx
     
  6. leesey

    leesey Well-Known Member

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    Controlled crying isn't the answer to anything, glad to hear your wibbily wobble is over :) xx
     
  7. Lolly85x

    Lolly85x Well-Known Member

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    Oh! Glad it's over... If its any reassurance my little man went through a phase like that at about 9 months!!! He's 11 months now and sleeping in his cot again :) I think it's all developmental honey xxx
     
  8. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    Wibbily wobble made me smile. X
     
  9. Mrs Wibbily

    Mrs Wibbily Well-Known Member

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    I just needed a kick up my bum and a reminder, as my hubby is all for it!x
     
  10. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    I've just had a Google and oh my controlled crying is horrid!! No disrespect to anyone who has used the technique.

    I have been leaving James to self settle since he was 7 weeks. I didn't even realise I was doing it though. I would put him down after last feed, wind and cuddle and within 5-10 minutes he'd be asleep. There would be no crying and I check on him loads. Up until he was 7 weeks he wouldn't last two minutes in his crib then one day he was fine. He didn't even notice when he went to his Cot-Bed.

    Thus far I have only ever had to get him up twice (night-time poo's both times) and once he took an hour to nod off as he wasn't in a Gro-Bag. I was in the room with him though as I was trying to have an early night....

    I guess I am lucky - no teething yet and leaps haven't affected his sleep - but I let baby dictate. He self soothed as he wanted to. No way would I have ever let him cry.

    Just to clarify that James isn't the best sleeper, he is restless and needs his dummy popped in loads so whilst on paper he stays in his cot all night poor old Mummy leaves her bed a lot!

    xxxxxxx
     
    #10 CARNAT22, Jul 6, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2013
  11. Les1504

    Les1504 Well-Known Member

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    I'd never heard of controlled crying! I'm lucky and Harry always self-settles ok regardless of teething etc but I bet it's hard and like you said you need your 'me' time. Like others have said though babies don't cry for no reason at 8 months and he probably just needs that extra comfort for the time being x
     
  12. Roo3

    Roo3 Well-Known Member

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    I've done controlled crying with my lo. It's very effective as long as you know your child is not in pain, hungry etc. don't get me wrong it's hard to go through at the time but it works for our lo.
    Whenever we go through a bad sleeping patch, we do a spot of cc and it works.
    It's not for everyone, and we tried and exhausted all other avenues before going down that route.
     
  13. Hope81

    Hope81 Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't never ever do it regardless how many sleepless night I had.
    The thought only of her wanting me there and crying for me and mummy dosent come it would brake my heart in a zillion pieces.
    I work hard to build a good relationship with my daughter, breaking her trust its not an option for me regardless how bad thing are.
    Crying raises the stress levels the hormone levels and in a nutshell your organism is in attack mode with all the biological response that comes with that sleeping after crying its just your drained body shouting down to preserve energy as nobody is coming anyway...
    I slept many nights in my life after crying and almost feeling sick. I want my baby to go happy to sleep not crying :(

    Saying that all the above its my opinion (I have no scientific evidence of it, no idea if it exists just never researched it as its not an option for me)

    I would never judge someone who chooses whatever way of parenting.

    I suppose whatever works for both you and your baby.

    Poor bubas go through lots of sleep changes while their sleep cycle matures. It's sth that has to happen ifkwim for them to learn to sleep like adults. In some babies the changes are more obvious in others you can't notice a thing. They eventually pass when they a re ready to do it and its usually a matter if riding out, adjusting their routine etc.

    Good luck whatever you choose xx
     
  14. Roo3

    Roo3 Well-Known Member

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    Whenever we have done controlled crying, my lo is never properly crying. There are no tears, and he is not properly upset. If he starts getting properly worked up we stop it and find another way to soothe him back to sleep.
    I've worked hard for a good relationship with my lo too. And after doing a few nights of cc there is absolutely nothing wrong with our bond. He still trusts me 100%.
     
  15. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    In mid point. If T is grumbling then I won't go into him, if he wails however I do.

    He often wakes in the night and cries but by the time I get to his bedroom door (a few steps) he's self settled and I don't go in.

    I have put him down for a nap as he's tired but he's fighting it and he's cried when I leave the room, but I never leave him to continue for more than a minute max, it's horrible to hear but I know it's best for him that he does go to sleep as not sleeping has worse effects on him developmentally.

    I think it's a case of common sense approach.
    Xx


     
  16. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Sorry I didn't explain myself very well. What I mean is T isn't the type of child I could rock to sleep, he never has been as he's never been very cuddly, he might sit for 10 secs if your lucky. He will also roll about in his cot and not sleep sometimes if I stay and stroke his head or sing to him.

    For some children cc is more effective but others that respond well to mummy or daddy staying there and they will go off to sleep, then there's absolutely no need for cc
    Xx
     
  17. Spammy

    Spammy Well-Known Member

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    I honestly think it just depends on the child! I never used to leave Meri to cry. Went in to settle her as soon as she cried. But then I noticed that she would make a crying sound then wait a minute then try a different sobbing sound and then quiet again! Little monkey wasn't actually crying she was just making the right noises so I would go and see her! Ha ha. So now I leave her for a while and generally she goes quiet and drops off.

    She seemed to learn that she just had to make a noise and mummy would come running.

    I have to say though I have only started leaving her recently and she is 1 next week. I think there's a time when they get clever and can get in to bad habits. I always try and be 1 step ahead of her craft little ways. He he.

    Can see why cc isn't for everyone though. I couldn't leave her to cry when she was tiny it broke my heart!
     
  18. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Good point Spammy! I never left Toby when he was small, I read somewhere that under six months that they release a stress hormone that can cause brain damage, think it was a post on here
    X


     
  19. Hope81

    Hope81 Well-Known Member

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    Spammy I don't think what you so with meri is cc or cio.
    I too if Amelie only whines without be distressed I leave her to it and probably in a couple of min she is sleeping.

    From what I read while cc usually the babies (that already have sleeping problems) are having proper meltdowns that much that one "technic" that I saw on the Internet was advising to wear ear plugs for 10 min to not hear them crying and give up.
    Then you go inside the room you reassure them and then out again and leave them to cry a little longer this time before you go in the room to them and they eventually cry themselves to sleep.

    I once left Amelie for like 10 min. I put her down to bed, she was just wining a little bit but she got quiet in a min so idecided to go to the bathroom.
    When I came out she was still whining on and off so I decided to just pick her and read her a story and then try to put her down again.
    The moment I picked her she started sobbing omg my heart broke, she could barely catch her breath. She fell asleep and se was still crying in my arms.
    Never in my life felt that guilty.
    I think that night I cried more than her and she woke a coupes more times crying heartbreaking tears and he would still do that in her sleep.
    Next day she got poorly with fever...
    I know that she would have probably get sick anyway but I never stopped thinking that it was my fault. After all any stress lowers body's immune system.

    Lesson learnt very very good. Now I never ever leave the bedroom until she is properly sleeping. I am watching her from the camera in our bedroom while I get sth done meantime and I always go to the bathroom before I put her to bed.

    Can you say that I am just too soft for any cc lol?
     
  20. Squeakz

    Squeakz Well-Known Member

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    Cc/cio worked for us but I dunno if we did it properly.... we would put j down and if he was whinging then we never went to him but if he became hysterical we ALWAYS calmed him down. Within a few nights it worked. We also would just go to him sometimes if he wasnt making a noose just to remind him that we were there still etc x
     

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