Confused and scared

[ASD123456]

Hi,

Just a little rant. My OH moved to the US for a year a couple of days after BFP (it was unplanned but still wanted) We have discussed things and he has said that he will be there 100%, I will be moving into his flat after Christmas etc. and he will be abck before they baby is born.

Well he just dropped a bombshell, he is now going to complete his full year in the US and not see our abbay till it is 4 months old. I can't understand how he can do this. He says he needs to think of his career but he has the same bloody career here as he has in the US. It is even with the same company and I'm sure they will understand when he tells them he is ahving his FIRST CHILD!

I don't live near any family, I only moved to London a couple of years ago, I really don't know how I will manage with a new baby on my own for 4 months. and I also thought he would be there for the birth which it now seems he has no intentions of doing. It's reall scary thinking that I might have to do this alone, the abbay will know the man in the corner shop better than it's own father!

I really hope i'm not being selfish here, but this is really upsetting me.

A x

 

[MissSara]

I really don't know what to say to you, no one imagines going through it all alone when they have a OH involved.
I'm sorry that this is happening and no i don't think you are being selfish at all i think your OH is being selfish, this will be his first born child and i caouldn't imagine anyone not wanting to be at home when they have chance to be.

 

[Krystal]

Your definately not being selfish! He is being a selfish ******* in my opinion.

Your both parents together, regardless of whether the pregnancy was planned or not. He has a responsibilty to be there for you and your child.

Have you tried putting your foot down and telling him your not gonna accept that?

 

[skimpy]

im in a similar situation to you. my OH has taken a job which means he will be home at weekends only. i know its not the same as you, but it still hurts. not what i imagined our life to be. but he just wont budge, no m atter how much i tell him the money doesnt matter

and its not feasible for me to go.

do you think you might be able to go with him??

 

[ASD123456]

Thanks for you replys girls.

He is already over there so we haven't had a chance to talk properly. He is back on the 20th for christmas and the first scan which is on the 21st.

He has been quite selfish in all of this really, it's like he is reverting into a child since he has found out he is going to be a father. He thinks he is too young (27) and needs to concentrate on his career, he has been with the same company for almost 10 years and has a fantastic job. The thing is this child won't really affect his career, he can still continue it exactly as he was.

I am holding some hope that he will change his mind after he comes back for xmas and sees the scan pics etc. It was bad enough that he wasn't going to be here for the pregnancy really, but now this.

Oh and I forgot to mention he has swaned off the Las Vegas this weekend for some boxing and gambling, bloody men!

A x

 

[purple13]

hhmm.. i think you'll have to see how he behaves when he's over and you go for the scan together. my OH didn't fully accept the reality of becoming a dad until after our 20 week scan - he knew it was happening, but it didn't really feature in his every waking thought and we had quite a few fall-outs over his behaviour (out late drinking etc).

not that that's anything like the way your OH is behaving, but i do think its very different for most men when it comes to accepting being a dad - and perhaps being away is just perpetuating his feelings that the whole thing isn't that real at the moment.

if he repeats his plans about staying in the usa before he comes over, i'd just tell him that that's something you'll have to discuss when he's over and try and avoid talking about it on the phone. its too easy to misunderstand each other when you're not face to face.

hopefully he'll grow up and realise his responsibilities when he sees the LO he's going to be a daddy to...

fingers crossed for you hon anyway xx

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

your definitely not being selfish hun

Maybe the reality of it hasnt hit him yet and hes just doing what a LOT of new dads-to-be do and burying his head in the sand. See how he is over xmas, but if he is still adamant thats what he wants to do then perhaps you should move back to your hometown to be near your family while hes in the US. Tell him you are not putting yourself in the position of being a lonely new mum, so if he cant step up and be there for you both you have to go and be near your family. That might drum the reality of the situation into him!

 

[ASD123456]

Thanks for all the advice and support girls!

xxx

 

[trixipaws]

oh no!
u shouldnt hav to do this alone

/\ /\ glitzyglamgirl speaks wise words!