confronting my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mana_bean, Feb 19, 2005.

  1. mana_bean

    mana_bean Member

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    I am on birth control right now, but when I want to try to have a child, how do I confront my boyfriend about it? How do I know if he is ready? When I confront him I don't want him to be mad or scared about it. Can anybody give me any advice?
     
  2. newmumonthemove

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    Hi there

    No right answer to this, but I'd say that if it feels like you're "confronting" him its not the right time! Having a baby should be something you both want to do, not something you demand from him, otherwise you're setting yourself up for problems once you are actually pregnant.

    I'd say take your time and broach the subject gently - have very general conversations - for example do you know whether even wants children (ever, not right now) and if he does, how many? Does he know you want them? Does he know when you want them - for example in your early 20s or after you've got a career which you can go back to later. You need to make sure you both have the same ideas on this.

    Good luck!
     
  3. mana_bean

    mana_bean Member

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    Um...I do know for a fact that he wants to have children, two of them but he wants to graduate from college first. He is going to be graduating in May and getting a steady job. When I graduate, I am going to also be starting a career, and we are most likely going to own a business together. This isn't something that I just out of the blue came up with. We have been together for a year and a half, and live with each other. I am also not demanding that we have children, that is why I asked about how I confront him when I think I am ready. I know you're trying to help, but thinking that I am demanding him isn't even close.
    I just don't know if I am going to know if he is ready, that is why I used the word confronting instead of demanding.
     
  4. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    hi

    i think it will come up naturally in conversation or you will drop hints when you feel the time is right without even knowing it. you will probably say things like, isnt that baby cute, or i wonder if i will get cravings when i'm pregnant or something like that. he will then probably react too but without realising and you will pick up the vibes from each other. hope i've helped a bit...

    kim
     
  5. mana_bean

    mana_bean Member

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    Thanks, I like that whole suddle thing. That way I won't bring up the subject, and he won't even know! Thanks!
     
  6. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    Another option would be to baby sit. Do you have friends who have young children? Could you ask them if you could baby sit one night or afternoon. It could also be a little practice for the future. Ask your boyfriend if he minds baby sitting with you. It would be nice if you baby sat in the afternoon and the 3 of you went out for the day. That way you'll both be enjoying the situation also talking about it would feel so much more relaxed.

    Another option would be to discuss your future together discussing when you both graduate and starting up a business. Discuss staff and if you'll be employing any people. You could then drop into the conversation "babies" and when would be the best time. Discuss if you'll be a working mum or if you'd prefer not to work. This way he'll feel relaxed discussing the situation as he'll understand it's in the future and not about to happen straight away.

    I can't even remember how we got onto the subject. If you feel a bit arkward then leave it for another day. You'll know when it feels the right time to bring it up in the conversation.

    Good luck with the studying and the future business plans.
     
  7. Tanisha

    Tanisha Well-Known Member

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    Hello,
    When I brought the subject up to my husband, his reply was "I'll be ready when it happens." After talking to some friends that has been most guys responce to the question "are you ready for a baby?" or "when will you be ready?" My hubby never really talked about it until the day I told him I was pregnant, then he said "ok, I'm ready." I hope I helped you a little bit. Sorry if I didn't.
     
  8. mana_bean

    mana_bean Member

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    I have two nephews. One is 8 and one is 4. The 8 year old I helped raise for the first half of his life, then when the 4 year old was born I helped raise him for the 1st year. So I have 5 years of baby/child experience. I know I don't want a child right now, because of working and college, but I would like to shortly after I graduate. I just want that day to come really bad, because I want to start the rest of my life with a job and a family. I know he would like to have children to, I just don't know when. But you guys helped out a lot by giving me some ideas. Thank you guys! I'll be sure to keep being a member on here to give you updates on everything. Plus since my friend is pregnant it might help her along the way too.
     
  9. fiona kipling

    fiona kipling Member

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    just wanted to say, there is plenty of time..... you should really be stopped taking the contraceptive pill for a few months befor trying to conceive anyway.
    Its such a nice ting, to plan and try for a baby, its a very very exciting time and every moment should be relished.
    why not book a holiday together, you havent been together for a mega long time, so you would get time to spend just you and him, know for a fact yourself that this is the man you want to father your children..... and if it is the right thinkg to do and he loves you ... how can he refuse the most loving and natural thing in the wotld???
    good luck, get healthy, and enjoy making something amazing.
    love fiona xxx
     

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