Conflict with the DH at the weekend.

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

How would you have reacted to this situation with the OH, answers on a postcard, but I bet you would have reacted the same as me.

We went out shopping yesterday and ended up in the baby department of debenhams. Lots of you will know that I haven't been allowed to buy anything for the baby due to the hubbie being supersticious, and I am nearing the third trimester and getting very p****d off about it.

I was looking at a baby outfit and do you know what he said? "You only bought an outift last month, and now you want to get another one, you're obsessed!"

I promptly burst into tears and had the longest crying session I have had since getting pregnant. Obesessed? No. Maternal? Yes.

We didn't really resolve the issue at all for the rest of the day and I went to bed in tears, but we sort of came to a compromise this morning.

I felt as if he was really fighting against my maternal, hormonal, nesting instincts. Don't these men realise that we are the deadliest species and they won't win?

We have now decided that we will still hold off buying the important stuff like monitors, sterilisers, cot, that sort of thing. But I am allowed to go out with my mum or friends to buy what I call the 'fluffy stuff' like clothes and teddies, as long as I don't wave it under his nose too much.

Ho hum. We were bound to fall out over something eventually and it looks like we have found our chosen area of conflict.

Oh well. He is still a fabulous husband. He's just been talking to the wrong people with all the wrong ideas thats all. He is still making a massive fuss of me and I suppose that is really important too.

 

[Rosieroo]

I was looking at a baby outfit and do you know what he said? "You only bought an outift last month, and now you want to get another one, you're obsessed!"

My god I have nearly got my whole baby wardrobe sorted out til she's 6 months old!!

When does he expect you to buy the stuff Sarah? Surely now you've had your scans and your pregnancy is progressing well he can relax a bit, it's only natural to want to get all nested and set up.

When you are huge and heavy the last thing you're going to want to do is traipse around the shops to get ready for the baby, and what if he comes early?

It's good that he's at least comprimised on the clothes and toys, but it's a shame that he wont get physically prepared for the baby

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

On the advice of our nextdoor neighbour, we have decided to go out in the next couple of weeks and at least work out what we need and then he is going to go out and buy the bits later on and leave me at home, which I am more than happy with.

But I have started to make him realise that I can't hold back on absolutely everything, and to want to hold baby clothes and oggle at booties and teddy bears is a completely natural thing to do.

He did actually start tidying out the nursery last night after my constant nagging, which I suppose is a step forward.

I have just rung my mum and she is now very excited that we are going out to look at the 'fluffy stuff' at the weekend and so am I, so I will focus on that for now.

I guess I am just looking for sympathy. Feel a bit sorry for myself.

 

[LouisecH]

Poor Sarah!!! (((Sympathy))).

My husband didn't really want to get stuff until I got to 24 weeks, which with the danger of our baby coming early at the time, I think was understandable. I'd have been buing things from day one if I'd been left to my own devices. He's well in to it now though so I'm more than happy.

At least if you can chose things without buying it, you can relax and he can go out in the cold and snow and rain and get it all

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Thats the plan!

I will have to just indulge in the baby grows with my mum instead! She gets more excited over that sort of stuff than him anyway.

 

[Rosieroo]

(((((((((((((((Sympathy, Belly Rubs and Baby Dust))))))))))))))))

Men just don't geddit sometimes!

I had conflict with DH at the weekend as I feel he doesn't appreciate having a clean house which is down to me. And I am finding cleaning tiring, so when I have been asking him for a week to hoover upstairs as carrying the hoover up is too heavy it would be nice if he did it when I asked! He got all sulky, but at least it cleared the air a bit as I've been bottling it up!

 

[kelly_chunn]

my hubby, has been so good. We started buying things almost straight away. Then when we found out we are having a girl, then he went and brought loads of outfits. We have 2 boys already, so didn't need to buy to much of the big things.

 

[annarella]

hiya girls

i have a similar problem, half due to hubby and half due my mother in law, she's supersticious, the cot and pram, and any other big things, can't be bought until the day baby arrives!!, thing that annoys me, is that if i ask her 'why? what will happen if i get them earlier', she says that probably nothing will happen, but its the way everyone does it here (italy), we're trying to sort out the nursery (had to nag hubby for ages before i got him to start doing stuff in there ), but its hard to find the right colours etc, without having cot and drawers etc. Unfortunatly we'll just have to make due without any stuff, as mil won't budge on that subject!!

As for baby clothes etc, i'm in the same boat as u girls, hubby (and mother in law) says its too early to get stuff, even though we have the prob of our business that we run on our own, and basically we're so busy in the winter, i'll probably be stuck in the shop till the day i go into labour, so as soon as winter sets in, i'm stuck, no walking round the shops looking for cute outfits etc etc . Hubby is more willing to let me go and get some stuff soon, because of this reason, but mil just won't understand the problem we have, and thinks i'm exagerating (which unfortunately for me, am not). Hubby keeps telling me that next month i can go out shopping, and keep it all hidden from mil, which is cool i suppose, just hope he sticks to his word!, don't fancy having to add the stress of buying stuff at last minute onto that of running a business when i'll be waddling bout everywhere
xxxxxx

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Ahh yes, the wonderful M.I.L.

My M.I.L was one of the people who planted the seed in the DH's head!

Though, funnily enough, she has been allowed into baby departments to buy us gifts!

 

[Layla]

awww sarah

I say go and buy things, just because he is supersticious doesnt mean you are, right?
your maternal instint must be going throug the roof right now so i would honor it, even if it mean hiding things you brought from your DH hehe, at least you wont have to deny how you feel and you can go out and look/buy things and finaly be excited about it.

Me and my OH went to mothercare yesterday to do some xmas toy shopping for the kids in our familes, Jase ended up buying more things for the baby than anyone else! half way round he would see something, go all cooey and ask if he could buy it, lol

 

[petchy]

oooooh, if anyone tried to stop me from buying things i wouldn't mince my words....!!!

our nursery is more or less ready, just need curtains and shelves. have bought loads of stuff, the cot has been assembled for a couple of months already, and really the only "big" things we need now are a baby monitor and the pram. would have ordered the pram already if it wasn't for waiting until i get paid for a freelance job i've just done!

i've really only got to buy the little bits now, such as nappies and wipes, some bedding etc. oh and nursing bras foe me, but i'll have to wait until at least week 36 for them (otherwise i would have bought them already!)

it's your choice if you want to buy things - don't let other people tell you what to do. if they get upset, so what? thay've clearly not bothered to think about whether their views are upsetting you (which they clearly are!)

 

[Kim]

Oh my God I couldn't cope with this, I have everything I will need until baby is 12 months old and I don't care, it's my first and I can't help being excited and wanting everything now. The way I see it, the last thing I will want to do after just having given birth is go shopping for essentials, and I certainly wouldn't want anyone else choosing them for me.

It's all part of the fun of being a mum and no one should try to make us feel guilty about it. My OH isn't all that bothered what I buy, as long as he doesn't have to come shopping with me. If I want something and I pay for it, then what does it matter?

Sorry, rant over, I've just enjoyed the whole experience of buying stuff and getting prepared so much that it makes me mad that other people are made to feel like they can't cos of a stupid superstition.

I feel mean now sorry if I offended anyone

 

[Layla]

I forgot to mention, we didnt start buying things till the 20 week scan, coz thats the big one in my eyes, but once we found out everything was fine we went for it.

"what will be will be" i belive in this saying so much, no matter wether you buy things or not, if its meant to be it will happen, so go out and start buying hun, i would!

 

[kellysomer]

Poor you!

Your OH is being a complete %^&hole and he knows it, tell him from me!

Although we have hardly bought anything except the pushchair (pucking it up today) as it was on special offer for 6 weeks only and sale ended today, OH hasnt stopped me buying anything, i just havent got around to it. We have decorated to nursery but not got anything in it yet.

When are you expected to buy things then, forgive me but after my baby comes i'll be damned if i am going shopping to buy baby stuff! To me thats why nature gives you 9 months warning of a baby popping out, to prepare you both physically and mentally!! So that when he/ she comes you sit and enjoy them and not go shopping!

Go buy, buy, buy!!!!

 

[nicki]

Hiya Sarah,

Why are men so annoying? I personally don't see why you can't enjoy going out and providing essential stuff for your little one, it's all part of nature surely, to provide. Doesn't your hubby realise he's ruining the pleasure for you? after all you have been hard at work for the last 26 and a bit weeks growing your baby and you deserve to go out and buy what you like.

I was reading the other day that this trimester is when you should get everything sorted for your babe, the first tri. you're probably feeling too poo and it is quite early and the third tri. you're going have a large bump, be extra tired and can't manage everything as easily as you could before and need to rest, so really it makes sense do do it now, while you can.

We're planning on buying our big stuff (cot/pram etc) in Jan. & ours isn't due until April! we are hoping to get some things in the sales. When does your DH thinks it's the right time to get everything? What with Xmas coming up, also what happens if your baby comes early, will he have to sleep in the bath tub?!!

Please try and not get upset hun and you're certainly not obsessed, there's something wrong with him not you!!

Enjoy you shopping trip with your mum and buy loads of stuff!!

Nicki.

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I'm going out with my mum on saturday and we are going to spend spend spend!!!!! (on all the fluffy bits)

If the DH wants to go out and buy the boring stuff on his own, then so be it. He can pay for it as well if it makes him feel better, but god help him if he buys the wrong stuff. I hope he keeps all receipts! I will keep sending him back out of the front door until he gets it right.

I will punish him don't worry! He needs to remember who is the deadliest species!

 

[SarahB]

Have fun shopping with your mum, I'm sure you will. I really don't see any point in waiting until you are a) so big and uncomfortable you can't shop properly or b) so desperate for what you need that you have to buy the first thing you see.
Get it now while you are comfortable enough to enjoy it and can take your time choosing.
Have fun xxx

 

[Lucy]

Hi Sarah

You're not alone!! My DH is also worried about us buying stuff for the baby and decorating the nursery etc. I was very anxious up until the 20wk scan (still am a little scared of something going wrong but I guess that's normal) so now I'd quite like to start looking at and buying the stuff we'll need.

We haven't bought anything yet, not a babygrow or mittens or anything.

I talked to my DH and we've agreed to research which pram/cot etc etc we would like to get and next weekend we're going to go shopping for essentials like basic babygrows/vests/mittens etc. DH has agreed to paint the nursery over a long weekend in December.

Enjoy the shopping this weekend! Bet you spend a fortune!

Lucy
24 +6

 

[Kerry]

I voted yes but the only reason hubby doesn't want me to buy too much is that with my last two he was at the shops within 48 hours of me having them to stock up on blue / pink outfots toys etc..........he feels thats his contribution and worries that if I buy too much then his shopping spree (which he loves so much) will be unecessary!! Bless him

 

[shamu]

hehehehehe, i must be the only person on here with the absoloute opposite problem!!!

my mum, mil, sis, best mates and boyf are all either buying lil bits and pieces all ready or getting an idea what we would like - its me that breaks in to a cold sweat everytime we enter mother care!! - whats wrong with me???

me and the boyf went on satday to look at big stuff, prams and car seats and stuff, and i ended up in a right state, came home and cried me self to sleep for the after noon - and what was the cause?? - a flippin sterilliser!!!

i got meself in such a flap over which one i shud choose (and bear in mind, we were only looking, not actually out to buy!) - avent or tommy tippe cos they're well known?, water, microwave or steam? - which bottles? what if baby didnt like them? - i can laugh at it now, and boyf thinks i'm mad but at the time it was terrible!!! hehehehehehe dont know what it is, am not really superstisious or anything and am (hopefully) well out of the scary area now (20 + 4)

hopefully, i will get to the point where i start to look forward to baby shopping! ( and soon too - i need to make a start - cant believe some of you have all your nurseries done and dusted!! i havent even started)

enjoy your shopping trip sarah - i'll let you know when i eventually enjoy one with out having a nervous breakdown!!

take car

shamu