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Discussion in 'Growing Up' started by Slinky Sarah, Dec 20, 2007.
is everything fine at his school?
other than that don't know i will let you know is 3 and bit years
as far as i know yeah...he seems to love going....
Nah theres something going on... What it is.... I couldn't tell you... but its unusual behaviour for a four year old to just suddenly start with.
Tbh because it's involving family members, I would look to the home.
Tia had a lot of issues concerning her father. And she would take these out directly on DH and me. She would act out in a way so as to push us away to see if we stayed and would come back. Also when we went away on our honeymoon she wet herself at night and she was 7 then... It turned out that she was worried that DH and I would go away now that we were married, never come back, start a new family without her and she would have to spend the rest of her life with Grandma.
Obviously that was NEVER going to happen, but little kids especially between 4 and 10 aren't able to differentiate between reality and their worries. We all worry ourselves silly over things, believing something will happen even if it's irrational... well little ones are the same, only they can't express this fear as we can, verbally, so it comes out as acting up, wetting themselves, doing odd things.
I doubt its school but it could be as its a big change in his life. He could have heard a kid at school talk about his natural father and that hes a bad dad etc... so you're OH's little boy has got it in his head that all natural dad's are bad... Although I would look to his mother as well.. has she got a new boyfriend recently, has his routine changed, has she got a new job... ? All things that would disrupt his home life and cause him concern.
I agree with sguig, he seems to be testing some kind of boundary by pushing his family away which would suggest an insecurity of some kind.
Being a neutral person, you might actually be the perfect person to sit him down and have a little chat, let him know he can talk to you if he doesnt want to talk to his mum or dad about something. Im betting it turns out to be something very simple that he has mis-heard or mis-understood but he has built up in his mind
Children don't have prejudices.. They are actually incapable of it. Obviously if they can see that someone is different (in a wheelchair for example) they will be curious and wary... but they have no concept of pre judging someone.
In this case it's not you causing the upset where your OH's son is concerned, its the grandparents and mother, because they are giving the little boy a reason to judge you.
I remember when I told my ex that I'd met someone else. He took Tia down the park and was alone with her for some time. When she came back she was really odd with me.. over the next few days, we had the most horrific tantrums I have ever experienced... including head butting, biting, kicking, spitting.... I wish you were dead mummy... I hate you... really nasty hateful spiteful things. And my DH got it too... she actually said she wanted to kill him.
Well it was obvious that something had happened... and eventually I found out that my ex had turned around and said several things. First of all he said that now mummy had met a new boyfriend, that I wouldn't want her any more and that I'd only want his babies... that my boyfriend would hit her all the time, and that when my bf moved into the house we would kick her out and she would have to live on the streets... and wouldn't she prefer to live with him... As it turned out I hadn't been totally honest with my ex.. and didn't tell him my bf had already moved in... so bless her heart Tia was all confused... and for the first time she realised Daddy could tell lies.
What I am trying to say... is that she tried to prove what daddy said was true by being a little monster... If you OH's ex is saying things about him to the little boy, he may be trying to act out in order to prove what mummy said was true. It's awful for a child to realise that their parents aren't perfect, and what my ex did that day ruined a part of their relationship together forever. It's why I've always been truthful to her.
My mother says nasty things about my ex around Tia and I always tell my mum off because its not right, but most people aren't like that and no doubt the grandparents are doing the same... Its really sad... but it happens.
Stay out the way for now.. that's what DH did. And Tia came round eventually. They still have issues... she always will with men, but she started to trust him as she got older...
Thanks for the advice again squig....you really do have all the answers!!!
Guess it iwll just be a case of see how it goes for now....
glad things are ok between Tia nad your OH now