Come around and see the nursary!!!!

[Gizzy Kelly]

Hi girls,

This is a rant thread so apologies if it sounds selfish, but I am fed up! Last September my brother turned up with his partner and announced they were expecting. They had been trying for one month! They were obviously anxious about telling us in view of our difficulties in conceiving. I was and am really excited for them and I cannot wait to be aunty. To make it even better my sister is law is fab and I love her to bits as we get on so well.

We took it on the chin and ack that although we wanted to be the first to give our parents grandchildren that we would be supportive. 3 Months down the line and I am being driven mad. My mum for a start talks about it every single day. What she bought, where she has been shopping, how excited etc. Every day when we speak. Then there is the huge amount of time and devotion on the baby shower, and I mean not just your usual baby shower I am talking about dummy trees, sweet stalls, candle favours, afternoon tea and champagne and bottle chandeliers. At Christmas it was all everyone could talk about at the dinner table and for the rest of the day. We even had singing and talking to the bump and a discussion on baby names. I am kept up to date with every scan, blood test, midwife appointment and hospital appointment.

This weekend has been the unveiling of the nursary . I got a phone call last night. Did Neil and i want to go around there and see it, it looks fab?. I also had an hour long phone call on anti b injections, and scans this week.

I am tired of it all. I love my brother we are so close and my sister in law is great but i am finding it so hard. They know how much we want a baby and my brother said telling us was hard and he wish he could make it all better.

Do I say how hard I am finding this or keep quiet? Please dont think me selfish as a person, but another 13 weeks of this????? The nursary was a killer today. I dont know what to do. Xxxxxxx

 

[kirstymichelle]

Aw Gizzy ,

hugs.

I know its hard but you just have to imagine how excited you would be in the same situation. Its hard i know its hard x x

 

[Kay Kay]

Oh gizzy first off let me say you're not selfish, what you're feeling is totally normal even though in the 'real world' saying these things are taboo. You come across as a lovely thoughtful person and I know you're happy for your bro and sil but you're only human and everyone has their limits and you've reached yours. I think have a word with your sil and tell her you're chuffed that she.is involving you in her pregnancy and that you're really excited but that its also very painful for you and maybe she could lay off a bit? Does she have other friends she can chat to about her pregnancy? Your bro also sounds lovely, it would have been hard for him as the last thing he would want was to cause you pain.

In a way I'm lucky cos my bro had has kids before I was even thinking about trying. In fact he has a son that neither he or any if our family see anymore, my first nephew who is ten I haven't seen him since he was 3 and I still miss him. But that is a whole other sad story. Anyway I was 21 when he was born and way travelling abroad for a year at the time and babies were the last thing on my mind. His youngest, my second nephew is almost 6 and I was 26 when he was born but still not interested in babies myself, felt I was too young and wanted to be married at the time. However if my sil was to announce she was preggers now it would he a diff story I would be upset as well as happy cos I want my own baby so bad.

What I will say is that my niece and nephew are the best things to happen to my family and have brought so much joy to us, esp my mum after my dad passed away, it gives her something to live for. It will surprise you how much love you will feel for your niece or nephew, so although its hard now once he/she is here you will love it. Being an auntie is fab! As for your mum I would ask her to tone it down a bit too. But just think how excited she will be when its your turn, and it WILL happen giz.

Hope my story has helped in some way. I'm feeling similar about my close friend in work, she's started talking to me loads about her pregnancy and I'm finding that hard but have to push through my own sadness and jealously and try and be a good friend to her. It's hard but I believe it makes us stronger. xxxxxxxx

 

[itisbabytime]

i understand the rant. does everyone in your family know about your ttc struggles? asking case if i were you and they did know everything i would be flipping raging that they were sharing every tiny detail - fair enough with general info but that much info is overkill for someone with ttc isseus to haev to listen too. hugs.

 

[EssJayPea]

Hi sweetheart. I totally know how you feel. I had some counselling after I miscarried as I was avoiding friends who were pg. She was lovely and said feeling that way is normal but, although it was a sad time for us, it was my friend/SIL's time of happiness. I sent a card saying, although I felt down about things, I really was happy for them. Writing the cards broke my heart and I felt I didn't mean a word of it but, in retrospect, I'm glad I sent them as it cut me some slack if I was feeling off one day. I think it's basically damage limitation - you'll all want to look back one day and don't want the memories to be sad. Really hope this makes sense - not the best at explaining! stay strong, your time will come Xxxx

 

[LouiseB]

You have to remember that your brother loves you too and would be totally supportive if quietly you mentioned to him that you are so happy for him but are feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the stuff revolving around him having a baby and that if he could make an effort to exclude you a bit more that you'd really appreciate it.

The same for your mum.

I think as long as it doesn't reach the SIL that you'll be alright

 

[maybe baby]

My sil is preggers too and tbh doesn't go on about things and neither does my brother, I probably should ask but I kind of made my feelings clear that I wasn't happy, as they already have 3 kids and she doesn't work so I felt my brother was being taken advantage of but he is happy at the end of the day so maybe I should ask how things are going and things..

I do think you're family are going a bit far, they probably are assuming that because you seemed happy/excited that you're cool with things, I'd just ask them nicely to tone things down a bit.

Xx

 

[charliebear]

Rant away Gizzy. I feel for you, I really do.

I'd suggest having a quiet word too. I'd just say your finding it a bit hard going being involved in the preparations as much as you are and you love the updates, but if they could back off a bit as your having a couple of tough months.
They should understand

I found it really hard back in Sept as no one knew we were ttc (still dont) and were having trouble with irregular cycles/lines on tests/ thinking I'd had a mc. My nephew was born and I found it so hard, I wish I'd spoken up before as I didnt feel as though I could when bil was giving me a hard time when I went to visit them after the birth. x

 

[Corrinne37]

Oh Gizzy,
Sounds awful for you.
I suppose your family are really excited as first grandchild coming etc etc, but they seem to have totally forgotten about how you must be feeling, which seeing they knew is a little bit insensitive.
You d think atleast someone would say, ' how are you feeling about this? Or are you ok? .
So rant not out of context at all.

Let us know how it all panned out and if you said anything ? Hope you ok. xx

 

[Vickyxx]

I agree with the other ladies hun, maybe sit down with your brother and just explain that you are incredibly happy for them but are feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, that way you can take a step back and your brother wont be upset as to why xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hey Gizzy,

I think it's actually your Mum you need to speak to hun.

Your brother and his OH will naturally be excited but your Mum really does need to be a little more tactful with you.

Yes she is excited, yes its her first Grandchild BUT she knows your situation and I am sure she will not be offended if you ask her to not talk / gush about it as much!

Good luck hun and I am sure when the time arrives you'll find being an Aunty a huge comfort.

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

Arh Ladies thank you all so much for your replies. I did not expect that many so thank you very much.

After I posted my ranting thread on Saturday night hubby and I went to party and got very drunk!!!. Out the window went the healthy eating all week, but it felt good to laugh and dance and generally let my hair down as it has been ages since I did that! Woke up yesterday morning with the worse hangover in history and felt dreadful. I also felt a bit bad about my thread/post so generally feeling sorry for myself.

In the afternoon, my brother telephoned me to thank me for coming around the day before. He then said that my SIL wanted to speak to me and we had a really nice chat. She said she felt bad about the whole nursay thing when i was around there on Saturday and realised after I went how hard it must be and she was sorry. She said I was standing in the nursay and she could see I was trying to put on a brave face. She told me that she just did not know what to do for the best all the time, ie try and include me in everything or not so much but then she worries I would feel excluded. I had no idea that they must feel in a dilema as well. She also said that she worried how my mum handles the sitaution and had cringed at times at the things she has said in front of me and hubby, and we both laughed because in all her excitement my Mum does go over the top a bit. She also said that she never moans about her pregnancy and to be fair she never does that. She always says to me when she feels a bit tired/sick how lucky she is to be in this situation in the first place. She said last week that he could no longer tie her shoe laces and then she said, 'but I am lucky'. I realised when i got off the phone how lucky I am too.

I am so glad she called me and I feel so much better we had the chat. I had no idea how they must feel sometimes and i have read posts before in this forum of friends and family who feel so bad when they are pregnant and have to tell us girlies when they know we want a baby so bad.

My parents are back today from holiday and I have decided to speak to Mum as well. You are right Carnat, she she needs to be much less tactful.

For the time being however I am really going to look forward to being an aunty. Kay Kay everyone I know I speak to loves being an aunty and now I cannot wait.

I feel right back and track and have my mojo back. I just need to get the hycosy done so we can tick every box.

Thanks again for all your lovely replies. I feel 100 times better today (and no hangover!)

Love Gizzy xxxx

 

[Spinneygirl]

Glad your feeling alot better Gizzy and that you had chance to talk everything out with your SIL.

I have 3 nieces and a nephew, you will love it!

xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

I am an auntie to 3 little boys (OH has a niece and nephew and we were a couple when they were both born so technically I guess that actually makes me an auntie of 5 LOL)

Two of my nephews were born within 5 weeks of each other last year. My sister and brother's OH had boys very close together!

I adore being an Auntie but I do sometimes find myself wondering when it will be my turn..... It's only natural I guess!

My folks only have grandson's and I'd love to give them their first granddaughter LOL!

xxxxxxxxxx