Colleague's comment... Am I wrong to be cross?

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by SiameseCatLady, May 3, 2016.

  1. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    2
    Whilst at a photocopier, yes, whilst photocopying, a usually tactless colleague (so I shouldn't be surprised) felt the need to ask me questions about my pregnancy including personal details about conception(!) etc. This was all as she was holding staff room door open on her way out, so obviously a casual conversation or not...
    She has just become engaged to her bf who she's known for six months, which is absolutely fine, obviously. (Not even for me or anyone to judge! Hopefully it will last a long time!)
    I find it hard to talk to her anyway because she comes right up into your face and moves her face/head to look at you when you are busy doing something else and she wants you to talk to her. She's just too intense for me.
    I am quite sensitive anyway, but I felt that I didn't want to discuss my baby with her. Felt protective over it with her as if her talking about it makes any difference at all!
    Anyway, the thing that got me was that she started asking me if I knew how lucky I was to have conceived my baby naturally as she had already asked that question... She said she was going to have to have IVF as she is starting trying in a few weeks. I didn't really ask how she knew this because I was quite shocked at what she said.
    She went on to say that I should thank my lucky stars as others weren't as fortunate. Nearly cried because I am silly, but she has no idea about my journey to conception and to getting to 22 weeks with all being ok and myself and husband finally reduced my anxiety levels about losing the baby.
    It took us two years to conceive with a mc on the way, which was traumatic to say the least and pretty much changed my life.
    Am I too sensitive or is this woman a crazy nut?!
    Can't cope with this especially with a close 'family' member having apparently faked a pregnancy to 'compete' with me, her words not mine and so that my parents would have two blood grandchildren and not favour my baby over her child who is a step grandchild, again her words not mine, which she chose to tell me in my house in front of her child and then said, Ooh, we ought to do this more often once she was leaving.

    I just want to have our baby and be normal like my mum and dad and wonderful in laws are being. We are so excited and no one needs to take this away from us!
    I know I am incredibly lucky to be having a (touch wood) healthy baby so far, but itz's not because we haven't worked for it! These kicks I am currently getting are an absolute blessing and I don't need to be told how lucky I am. I am so grateful.
     
  2. Rhelen91

    Rhelen91 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know it's hard but try not to get too worked up about it. Hormones make our emotions haywire when pregnant so it's understandable that you'd be upset about people making unneccessary comments and asking nosy questions about your pregnancy, etc. But that's all it is, she's being rude and nosy and knows nothing about your personal life, or the struggles you may have encountered during your TTC journey. Some people are just like that, and dont realise when they cross a line. If she pops up again just politely tell her that you dont feel comfortable discussing your private life with collegues x
     
  3. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    1
    If is hard not to get upset but try not to let her or others get to you. If she tries to talk about it again. You might want to just tell her tou do know how lucky you are as you have had issues which is nothing to do with her. If that dont shut her up tell her to focus on her own issues and to [email protected]&k of!! Also wjat your family member fone aounds kinda sick, i hope you said that. You dont need negative people in tour life wjen you should be enjoying this time. Just cut your self away from them x
     
  4. Jasmine111

    Jasmine111 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2012
    Messages:
    720
    Likes Received:
    0
    She sounds jealous to me and it sounds like she is trying to make you feel bad for being pregnant. Don't worry about it :) xx
     
  5. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    2
    Yes, I think it's hormonal :-(
    Need to calm down. People are just like that, just odd when it happens as everyone else at work is great!
    The whole family member thing is so sensitive, I can't really say anything. I was so shocked at the time at which I found out that I didn't know what to do. It is kinda sick... If any more of this crap happens I might have to say something as I know that no one in my family would ever treat anyone differently based in blood or not. It's ridiculous. I love her child to bits and so do my family. If she has another child, it will be treated the same way!
    Thanks for advice. Just have to be sensible. Next time, will not get myself into conversation about this with colleague or family member!
     
  6. fairyprincess

    fairyprincess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,969
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, she is a crazy nut! She has no idea whether your journey was an easy or hard one so its not her place to say you should be thankful. Just try to stay away from her and avoid personal q's, she needs to learn some boundaries! X
     
  7. Jasmine111

    Jasmine111 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2012
    Messages:
    720
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm quite a senstive person and private, I don't like being questioned lol. Everyday people at work ask me how I am ( I was crippled with morning sickness). I'm just like, leave alone LOL xx
     
  8. Cherrybelly

    Cherrybelly Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2013
    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gah! Nosey cow! When you're pregnant, people seem to think you're public property and ask you anything they like.. "Was it planned?" Is my most hated one, firstly they know about my previous losses and secondly it's none of their business if it wasn't!! Also people seem to think they can tell you if your bump is too big or too small and various other things. When I told people I was naming my daughter Iris, some said I couldn't as it was disgusting (!!!) How ruuuuuuude! I'd have told her that actually it wasn't as easy as she might think and to bore off lol. Big hugs xzzz
     
  9. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    2
    Yes Cherry! Completely agree. She also asked if it was planned. I don't think I actually answered this one as I couldn't bring myself to do so!
    Another comment from someone really got my goat the other day. Random stranger in supermarket: "When are you due?" "Early September." (Counts on fingers as to how many months left) "You need to check yourself out and see as to whether or not you're having twins. You're too big and there might be something wrong."
    I am on the larger side but I am not too big. I am 22 weeks and know I am not having twins and that all is ok, touch wood.
    Seriously wanted to slap her at this point. People don't have a clue how what they say affects you.
    Colleague is also now trying to give me advice on breast feeding after over hearing my conversation with another person who I feel comfortable with. Apparently breastfeeding makes no difference so I shouldn't worry about not doing it... Based on 'her experience' of her fiance's sister's cousin. Yes. Thanks for that one!
     
  10. inky

    inky Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2009
    Messages:
    5,915
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would just switch off next she starts gabbing to be honest ;-) a few well placed nods and it'll look like you're listening, she'll never know haha
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice