christmas time- good and bad

[tracey 2]

Its the middle of the night and im still awake, just cant sleep xmas has been so hard and i think its really taken a toll on me i dont know maybe its because im dont know really.

its really funny to say but xmas hasnt been as hard as i expected it to be i suppose i was waiting for a dark and hard christmas i mean it hasnt been great and easy and there have been few times iv gone off and cried a little.

its like my family have put my girls behind them and just carrying on as normal, i know as a mother i could never ever put them behind me but cant my family and close mates see what they are doing by not talking about my girls ok maybe not all the time but i said i had some pressies for my girls just little things we brought and my parents were like christmas is a great time dont spoil it, i was LIKE DONT SPOIL IT ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Its also the feeling that you cant talk to anyone at christmas well i couldnt bout my girls because it was like everyone is happy and having a good time and i for one dont like ringing or texting or even going to see people because i dont want to make everyone feel sad just because im hurting does this make sense?

Generally christmas has been ok really havent done a lot just spent time with OH and my girls, i dont expect replies to this but i just needed to write it all down.

 

[trigger]

A billion of these heading your way...

 

[Squiglet]

My mum still talks about my sister at xmas time. Its hard to accept, even 25 years later that she will never celebrate an xmas or a birthday... and we talk about her... My mum tells my daughter that on xmas, Sheena comes down from heaven to help us open our pressies... I would expect you to talk about your little girls too... especially at xmas...

I think it's a shame that people want to sweep these things under the carpet at "happy" times... I think it's the happy times when you want to sweep it under the carpet the least... because its by reminding ourselves of what we have lost we remember what we have.

While the first xmas, birthday etc are always hard... they do pass eventually and we look towards the future.

I think you were totally right to buy your little girls pressies... I would have done exactly the same.

 

[rach]

hun
we buy pressies and cards for jamie
we find a lot of family and friends are uncomfortable talking about him but we carry on
oh father even showed off on xmas day because i went to cemetary while he was here he said i should stay and see him and i refused saying i had a child to go and say good morning to he just looked at me in disbelief and has hardly spoke to me since
stuff them all hun do what you feel you need to and talk about your girls when you need to they are a part of your life and always will be people will have to learn to deal with it
always here for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[jenna]

 

[tracey 2]

thank you guys,

i suppose its just so hard really because i have some wonderful people around me that are happy for me to talk about them but then others are just so rude and its like well this is my baby and i will talk about them as much as i wish.

i really do appreciate your replies and your all wonderful xx

 

[sarah113]

 

[Happybunny]

Aww Tracey honey, Christmas is such a poignant time when we want to remember those who have been special to us. It is sad that your family don't want to acknowledge your little girls, they were real people who you loved. It is only right that you want to remember your girls. Don't let anyone take your memories away from you.
I am thinking of you sweetie, you've had a reallt tough year! I hope the New Year will bring you peace and happiness

 

[trixipaws]

me too, i hope 2008 is a wonderful year for you