Choose baby or boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Florida7, Nov 22, 2020.

  1. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    My heart is completely broken.
    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. It has been a very very complicated situation from day one. However we have managed to stay together. Then I recently found out that I was pregnant. This is my second pregnancy with him with the first...he was not happy and basically made me have an abortion. Now it’s happening again and when we initially found out. He immediately was almost ok with it because he just assumed that oh we’re just gonna get another abortion. But when I started to hesitate and question what I should do he got EXTREMELY mad and threatened me that if I keep the baby that he will then leave me take our dog and will have nothing to do with the baby or me. So here I am having to think do I want to have my first child like this as a single mother alone. My mom lives very far away. This isn’t how I saw having my first child also I am 36 and scared is this my last chance at having a baby. So basically I keep the baby and be alone or get the abortion and possibly be with him however I don’t think I want to be with him after this. I’m ripped apart I feel like death please help
     
  2. Krysta

    Krysta Well-Known Member

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    I don’t think that staying with your boyfriend should be more important than having your baby. If he didn’t want a baby, he should’ve used a condom or you should’ve been on birth control. If you don’t want to have a baby, then do what you need to do. But if you have even just a tiny thought of keeping it, don’t get rid of it just for the sake of staying with your boyfriend. He sounds manipulative and quite frankly, not a good man to be with. He should respect your feelings and man up. Children are miracles. I don’t know why you’d want to stay with someone that is practically threatening to leave if you have the baby. That’s just not okay.

    I hope everything works out for you- maybe he will come around.

    good luck!
     
  3. SockVortex

    SockVortex Well-Known Member

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    Leave this guy, he sounds utterly dreadful!
     
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  4. JoJo19

    JoJo19 Well-Known Member

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    No man should ever give a woman an ultimatum like that! He sounds very selfish and controlling, and regardless what you decide to about the baby, I think you need to think about if this is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. maybe discuss the reasons why he doesn’t want a baby, and discuss the pros and cons to having a baby.
    Either way whatever you decide to do about your boyfriend and the baby just make sure it is what you want and not what someone else wants you to do.
     
  5. Netty13

    Netty13 Well-Known Member

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    I have been through this exact situation about 12 years ago with my now ex. He made me get an abortion and I can honestly say it’s something that I have regretted and thought about every single day since. I thought I wanted him more but in the end I resented him for the pain he put me through and it split us up. we’ve been apart for over 10 years now but I still find what I did hard to live with.
    I am extremely lucky to have a beautiful daughter now and another on the way but I would never make that mistake again. I hope you’re ok and make the right decision for you. You are strong and brave and being single isn’t the end of the world xx
     
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  6. WinterWolf

    WinterWolf Well-Known Member

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    Anyone who would threaten you like that is scum, leave him!
     
  7. JoJo19

    JoJo19 Well-Known Member

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    so glad things worked out for you and you have a child and one on the way <3
     
  8. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    Don't spend another second with this person. Why are you tolerating this abuse? He's cruel beyond words. If you stay, you'll regret choosing him over that baby every day for the rest of your life.
     
  9. TTC no2

    TTC no2 Well-Known Member

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    Your boyfriend sounds like a complete doush bag. Let him run for the hills. Someone asking u or telling u to this and your not on board sounds controlling.

    U want kids he sounds like he doesn't how is your relationship going to work have yous talked about having kids in the future?
     
  10. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    Thank you so much for replying I needed to hear this today. My heart is broken I know the right thing for me is to keep this baby but he has backed me into a corner and made me feel like I have no choice. I so didn’t want to loose him or be alone and around Christmas at that
     
  11. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    You are probably dead right unfortunately I still am in shock that he is doing this to me.
     
  12. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    He is most definitely selfish and controlling. I should have known better. I feel stupid. And taken advantage of yes this was both our mistake but I never in my wildest dreams thought he would do this to me and give me this ultimatum. I just know that if I make this decision I will regret it for the rest of my life
     
  13. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    You are beyond sweet thank you for saying that I am strong you have no idea how much that means to me. Can I ask right now in your life if you had that child you aborted with your now partner and other children do you think it would have been harder like although you regret the decision you made was life maybe a bit easier because of it sorry not trying to sound insensitive I really just need to know from someone that has been in this situation ❤️ And can I ask are you in your 30s now I am just scared that I may also miss my chance to have a child after this if I dont
     
  14. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    You are right
     
  15. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    This was what I needed to hear thank you so very much
     
  16. Florida7

    Florida7 Member

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    He is extremely
    He is a extremely controlling and selfish
     
  17. Krysta

    Krysta Well-Known Member

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    Hey... don’t feel stupid. It’s okay. Just don’t ever sacrifice something you want for another person. Have this baby. You will be fine on your own and I’m sure your friends and family will support you. Being alone isn’t ideal but in this case, necessary. You will find a man that will want what you want in life and most importantly, treat you right. You’re gonna be okay!
     
  18. JoJo19

    JoJo19 Well-Known Member

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    don’t ever feel stupid! This is not your fault. Just look out for yourself and what you want, don’t let him control you. sounds to me like you already know you want to keep this baby, have you tried telling him that you want to keep it?
    It will work out in the end, as hard as it may feel right now
     
  19. TTC no2

    TTC no2 Well-Known Member

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  20. Danni20200

    Danni20200 New Member

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    Hey I’m in a really similar situation but haven’t been with my partner that long only a year and he made me get an abortion when we first got together and wants me to do the same now and I really don’t want to either. I’m 24 so a little younger but I have been diagnosed with extreme pcos so I’m scared I won’t get this chance again.
     

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