CD9 and I just want to cry..

[Salley]

I stopped temping at 11DPO last cycle because my temp went down and I immediately thought "that's it, we're out--again." I had a complete meltdown to OH (who was absolutely beautiful and supporting) followed by a 5 day horrendous depression when AF arrived. I wasn't eating, talking or showing any kind of emotion, it's like I was stuck in a bad dream and no one could wake me up. Failing took such a great tole on me and now it's time to try again and I completely lack the motivation to do it. I'm using every bit of willpower I have to temp, monitor cp/cm and use opks starting tomorrow. I took my temp this morning, to try easing myself back into it.

I know women have been ttc for years and it makes me complaining feel a little petty, but OH and I have wanted a baby since May 2014, we only started doing all this monitoring this past May. My cycles are incredibly irregular, I never know when I'll O or when AF will arrive. It's just exhausting. I don't know how to pull together the strength to keep doing this.

How do you all stay positive and optimistic after AF each month?

 

[Aries29]

I found the stick things a nightmare . The first few months I used them I was so upset and stressed all the time - we eventually got pregnant to then lose it very early on..... Well I threw all the stuff in the bin and thought I had enough . We just decided to try and let nature work. 3 weeks later I was pregnant again !! Now 23 weeks pregs

Try some stress relieving activities -swim/ spa etc - stress can effect your fertility

Your body won't want to carry a baby if it's in a constant state of stress.

It'll happen

 

[Salley]

Thank you Aries, I just need some encouragement. Congratulations on your success! Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months!

I think I'm going to temp and monitor cm, only use opk when it seems like ovulation is happening. I just don't want to miss it, it's been so erratic.

 

[lea554]

Hey!

Oh, I think we all feel like that from time to time....I'm on cd 1 , and found it gutting this month, everyone around me was getting bfp's and here I am, back to the beginning.

I'm trying to stay focused, like you! I'm going to start temping, and also using opk's - I just want to check when/if I'm actually ovulating...

I had a session of acupuncture today, just another thing I thought I would try, can't do any harm I suppose. It was ok, didn't know what expect, and going back just before ovulation.

Keep your chin up, and solider on through. I'm finding it hard to make any long term plans as I don't know what the future holds. I think I'm even going to spend less time on here - I just felt compelled to reply to you, and let you know you are not alone!

Love and hugs xxxx

 

[snowbee]

Hi Salley don't fret you are no alone. I also have irregular cycles, from 26- well over 100 days so tracking ov is a nightmare. I start opks on about CD13 and carry on sometimes for months! I also temp so that does clue me in a bit too. I just do it out of habit really, we have been ttc for 4 years now so I do it without thinking.

How to stay positive is a difficult one. I find the best thing for me is to make sure ttc doesn't consume your life. Make sure you have interests and hobbies that you can occupy yourself with. We also find that talking about baby names, or things we would do when we get a baby can help to keep your thoughts positive rather than thinking what if it never happens.

More controversially I decided that I would buy a couple of bits of baby stuff, so if I've seen a super cute baby grow in the sales I've bought it. I have rules, I can buy one item in a random size that has to be funky, unusual or super cute (and unisex). If we never get a take home baby I think that being ready to give it to charity will help as part of the acceptance and moving on? I could be wrong though who knows. I certainly don't believe in jinxing or bad luck, we have been ttc four years and three mcs later I don't think I can make it much worse.

TTC is a huge roller coaster of emotion, long term ttc is even worse. It is perfectly normal to feel left out, jealous, angry etc so don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. Stay positive.

 

[katie88]

Hey Salley *hugs* i know how you feel at the moment. My cycles are all over the place - from 35 days to 67 and every time i get a BFN i just want to cry. at least your hubs is on board with charting etc mine doesnt want to and only wants it to be natural unless we are told otherwise.... and the doc wont even consider seeing us for another month..... oh the joys!

 

[Salley]

Thank you so much ladies! It's comforting to know I'm not alone. I'm fully back on board with temping and I did my cm/cp check this morning. Definitely pushing through the funky feelings I'm having, will try to bd tonight too--at least that part is consistently fun.

lea I've never done acupuncture, but maybe I'll talk to OH about doing a couples massage during my fertile window--we've gone before and it was incredibly relaxing. Thank you for taking the time to lift my spirits, I really appreciate it. *hugs*

snowbee I'm so sorry for the process you go through for ttc, what I'm complaining about pales in comparison. It's amazing that you stay upbeat and I hope I can pull some of that strength after reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing with me. OH, while he is on board with ttc monitoring, doesn't like to talk much about having a baby--we thought for sure I was pregnant the first month of official ttc and it devastated him that I wasn't, so he detached a little to spare his emotions (something I struggle to achieve). I like the idea of buying baby clothes, I love shopping but having a history of such severe depression I fear that would add to my sorrow when AF arrives. You're an amazing woman! I hope you get your sticky bean soon, you certainly deserve it for all of your efforts. *hugs*

katie OH is on board to a degree, he encourages me to chart because he knows I'm irregular but he only takes a multi vitamin, he's not on board with other supplements like zinc and CoQ10. In his defense though, he can't swallow pills and I'm sure those don't taste very good being chewed. It's good the doctor will see you in a month! You're almost there! We're only in cycle 4 with official ttc so it'll be another two months before we'll start looking at fertility specialists. Thank you for your support. *hugs*

 

[nikkix86]

I'm on cd28 been trying for 5 month which I know isn't that long but I'm getting very down. still no AF this month and several bfns later and I've had enough. just want AF to be here so I can start again for the next cycle

 

[phonixgirl]

It's difficult if you don't get pregnant straight away, no matter how long you've been trying. We were NTNP for years then ttc properly for years and finally sought medical assistance in 2014. There was a bit of confusion as I was referred to a gynaecologist firstly and then the fertility clinic. However, only a year ago did I get diagnosed with PCOS and only a month or so ago did I find that I had elevated nk cells.

My DH is not on board with supplements but I've now got a textbook 28 day cycle (I used to have 24 day cycles with spotting of up to 2 weeks beforehand) so... He's also not a believer in acupuncture but it's soooo relaxing.

He wants to stop trying soon and I'm actually coming to terms with that now.

How to stay positive? It is difficult and I've had very down times. I find meditation helps (an app called Calm is great), going out and about to take your mind off things, holidays (I focus on these as a positive of not having children!)... good luck xx