Cannot believe what I am about to post devestated

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Jacko, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    So I have two little boys from my ex husband they are 3 & 4.
    I met who I believed to be the love of my life and have been together for around 2 years. He has no children. He is 30 was a bit of a party animal a dj in big clubs and also in a band! He always said he wanted children and before he met me had a bit of a life plan! Along the lines of partying music no girlfriend until late 30s early 40's then have children. However he met me and we fell madly in love!
    I explained both my children were fertility and little miracles. Anyway we would have unprotected sex not expecting anything but knowing full well consequences. Strangely this month i stopped half way and said again you know you can get me pregnant . He said he knows he isn't stupid.
    So I found out I was pregnant over the moon excited and couldn't wait to see his face. The colour drained and said he isn't ready for children and he doesn't want them.
    But he will have "it" and will step up! I have been so upset at his reaction! He knew my Cumming (sorry) he runs the risk of children which he was happy to!
    I don't want him to just have the baby because he has to I want him to want the baby! He says he has no feelings towards the baby but loves me and said he will provide!
    He said I was being dramatic and that loads of people don't actually want children when they find out.
    Am I being dramatic? I am so upset heartbroken! I can't even speak to him right now.
     
  2. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    Must be so hard atm, big hugs to you.
    Never been in that situation but having always wanted kids I know how I would feel if my partner suddenly said he didn't that far into a relationship.
    Maybe it's just the shock of it actually happening? Give him some space and he may come around. Don't let him push you into anything though, not saying he would.
    You need some space from him too, just let each of you ckeR your heads for a bit.
    How is he with your two boys? x
     
  3. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    This is the thing he doesn't have much to do with them. I thought it was me keeping my life fairly seperate but now looking back I think he kept his distance.
    So worried now x
     
  4. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you're faced with this situation but he knew full well the risks of having unprotected sex, if he wasn't ready to be a father then he should have worn a condom.
    I can understand you being upset as he was aware he was potentially getting you pregnant each month, do you live together? Do you do things as a family with your two children or is your family life seperate from your relationship?
     
  5. lilcurly

    lilcurly Well-Known Member

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    Oh my god that's awful! No you aren't over reacting at all. How unfair of him. As much as you love him you need to love you and your baby more. If he doesn't want the baby or feel anything towards it then I'd give him the boot. If he only wants to provide for the baby and nothing more then he isn't someone you or your baby need in your life. Sending you massive hugs xxxxxx
     
  6. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    ^^^^agreed
     
  7. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    Agree with lilcurly.
    Don't beat yourself up, it's easy to look back and see signs. You and your baby are the most important thing. He sounds like he will be supportive and pay his way which is a good thing. xx
     
  8. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Honestly I am broken.
    I came out of a marriage pretty amicable and we had been together 10 years, since school really.
    My new partner has just made me alive again and have been having so much fun. He treats me amazingly I have met his family friends . I never hid the boys it was one of the first things I told him.
    We don't live together however we had just started to speak about it. I also kept my fun care free life awY from the boys probably the wrong thing to do. He has occasionally done things with us but nothing major. I liked having my mummy life and every so often having a free time. Not sure if I am being selfish doing that.
    I lost a baby with him in December 15 and he appeared upset. When we found out we went to mothercare looked at pushchairs he seemed happy excited. Since loosing the baby I am worried i put him under pressure to try again, but he was happy to have unprotected sex knowing I could get pregnant. Even seemed happy at the thought.
    This has knocked me sick tbh.
    What has changed?
    When I chose to split from my husband all my family took his side and I have no family now either. They would almost be pleased I was going through this.
    I don't think I can be that single mum with 3 children struggling, I don't want him sticking around because he has to.
    I just feel I have lost my relationship now .
    So emotional right now girls.
    I don't want to discuss with friends as i although they mean well I can't have there views of that makes sense.
    Feeling lost x
     
  9. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    If he was happy last time what has changed for him now, have you asked him?
     
  10. Emmam1982

    Emmam1982 Well-Known Member

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    If you lost a baby with him last year then maybe he's scared to be excited about it incase the same happens again? I'd give him time to adjust but it might take until the first scan for him to relax about it x
     
  11. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I asked and he didn't know. He got upset and said did I think he wants to feel like this. He can't understand either. I have no idea!! I am just so flat now x
     
  12. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    He's probably scared and emotional himself about it all just now as well. Give it some time and talk about it again xx
     
  13. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Girls thank you so much for your replies feeling very lonely at the minute. For some reason that didn't even cross my mind. Maybe I deal with things differently and try to stay positive. We are meeting up tuesday I haven't seen him since Friday I just didn't want to. X
     
  14. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    It's probably a good thing that you both have some space to think things over.
    My husband took our 5 losses really bad and it's still affecting him now through this pregnancy, he's scared and worrying more than me.
    Good luck for Tuesday xx
     
  15. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    He has just randomly called, and said there is no way we are not having the baby (I knew that) and that he thinks he is just scared x
     
  16. Tonks82

    Tonks82 Well-Known Member

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    Oh Jacko just read the whole thing and was thinking the same it seems he's actually anxious as a result of your loss last year!

    So glad he called and told you that though Hun hope your feeling some relief from his statement.

    Men can have a very different way of dealing with things to us ladies.

    Xxx
     
  17. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

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    Glad he's called you sweetie, hopefully you can both move forwards together and look forward to your baby arriving xx
     
  18. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I am glad he called I did cancel it twice ! I will have a good chat with him tomorrow or Tuesday. He wanted to see me tonight but I am in lots of pain so just want to sit in a hot bath (not baby pain though baby is making it worse lol) . Feeling slightly more positive x x
     
  19. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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    Just seeing if my new signiture works
     
  20. Jacko

    Jacko Well-Known Member

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