Can a baby under six weeks form bad habits? opinions please

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Sarah W Baby Belly, Feb 25, 2006.

  1. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    There is just one thing that is really driving me mad at the moment.

    On one hand I am being told that a baby under six weeks old needs cuddling off to sleep sometimes and won't form bad habits at this early stage and they just want lots of love

    Then you hear loads of people telling you to just let the baby cry to sleep on his own and he will eventually go off and not to over cuddle them

    What do you do

    As a mother of a baby under four weeks, i still haven't yet worked out all his little noises and moods. How the hell can I work out if it is just wind, or just a cuddle, or if he has got hungry again?

    At what point do I just leave him to cry?

    This particular part of motherhood is the bit that is driving me mad the most.

    It doesn't help when the baby whisperer book waffles on about 'accidental parenting' and not giving babies a prop, but the health visitor says that the baby just wants cuddles and he should get as many of them as he needs?????????????????

    This part of motherhood is giving me brain damage!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    what do you think?
     
  2. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    I have never left jamie to cry, i believe they cry for a reason, even if it is just for a cuddle.

    I dont think it is at all possible to spoil a 4 week old baby so dont feel guilty about cuddling your own baby!
     
  3. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    thank you so much for your quick reply

    i am going to cuddle samuel as much as he needs it tonight and worry about habits tomorrow.

    i do worry too much and should try to relax more and just let baby guide me for now instead of relying too much on out of date inlaws advice and do-good books

    :D
     
  4. stephlw25

    stephlw25 Well-Known Member

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    LOL yes, i have never read any books for that reason!!!

    Trust your insticts you will be fine hun!!
     
  5. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    You should definately relax and not be scared to cuddle him for fear of spoiling him. It takes a bit longer than you have had to know when baby is chancing it. Every one loves a cuddle :D
    Mines was a good sleeper and I followed the supernanny way of listening to the crys. You really have to hear it though to understand how it worked and when I could recognise it in Jess i was quite amazed. She was never left to cry for more than 4 minutes before I would go back in and reassure her and the longest it took one night was 25 minutes and she was gone. Everyone is different, sometimes I wake at night and cant get back to sleep and it must be the same for babies.
    Frankie says relax
     
  6. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    i agree with the above - at only 4 weeks you can't spoil a baby - they don't know any different and the only way they can express them selves is through crying - it takes a while to work out a tired, hungry, attention cry..it does get easier. you'll learn... one book i read (the baby whisper) gave good advice :

    when baby crys just take a minute to listen to the cry, relax your self and breath, then go to baby. this way you are calm when you pick baby up. and you can think logically as opposed to.. arrggh baby crying - must pick her up now and calm her..

    good luck
     
  7. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I also agree, when little babies cry they want something. It annoys me when people tell me I am spoiling my baby for going to her when she cries. The only time I hold back is at night as sometimes she wakes up and will have a little grizzle then fall back asleep, but if she starts to cry I go to her. I am still getting to know Seren's cries, the other morning she started to cry so I automatically put her on my boob, only after she kept spitting it out I realised she had a wet nappy. Felt like a bad person :(
     
  8. hearts81

    hearts81 Well-Known Member

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    ^^^
    everyone has said exactly what I think :lol:
     
  9. lisa31

    lisa31 Well-Known Member

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    Sarah - Im with you on this. Heidi is only a week old and because I go to her all the time (here I am now at 3.52 AM STILL waiting for her to wake up for her next feed!!) I dont know if I am making a rod for my own back.

    I would definatley like to get her into some routine - and it sounds like you want that for sam too if you are reading the books - what is the best age to start a routine? and does anyone have any routine advice / experience?

    L x
     
  10. Guest

    I agree with everyone else hun, they cry for a reason :)
    It's nice to cuddle them loads anyway :D
     
  11. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely! At around 10 weeks there was an example of him chancing it but it took me and him that long to work that out. It happens if I put him in his cot to sleep at night before he's good and tired- he cries and when I come running he giggles at me as soon as I show my face! Little horror! He will carry this game on for several hours! As I have never done the crying out thing the way I got around this was to change his daytime routine and not put him to bed until he is sleepy enough to go off. It hasn't happened since!

    So anyway, sorry for going on. What I mean is that you'll know when they are chancing it but if they are I think you have to work around it. I can't see how crying it out ever works really.

    As for the baby books I had to actually hide them from my husband for the first two months as they wound him up so much or freaked him out. Once we'd got some confidence of our own we then got them out again and cherry picked bits and pieces. Before you feel like you know a little bit about what you're doing they just do your head in and undermine your instincts I think. Although Tracy Hogg is obviously a really nice person and I like all the stuff about respect etc it was The Baby Whisperer that did it for my husband in the first week. We had just got back from hospital, my milk hadn't come in and Elliott had been screaming for 8 hours solid from hunger, I was crying with boob pain and so he looked in the book for some advice on coming home and she went on about giving your baby a tour of the house! Bless him he tried it with Elliott screaming his head off and me weeping in the corner! Then he threw the book in the corner and we called the midwife who came and gave Elliott 80ml of formula from a cup and talked us down off the ceiling a bit!

    Just do what you think feels right and then review it when you're a little further into the game :)

    +++
     
  12. michelle82

    michelle82 Well-Known Member

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    You'll soon know what it is he wants Sarah, dont worry hun it does get easier, we have had and still have on bad days this with Matthew. If its just a cuddle you'll find he shuts up the moment you go near him or pick him up. Matthew does the whole whinge and wait to see if any one picks him up, if not he will whinge a bit more until someone walks into his room. If he's hungry you cant shut him up until a bottle of milk goes in his mouth! If your happy it cant be anything else like dirty nappy etc then assume he wants a hug and give him it.
     
  13. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    belive me - they will develope their own routine in about 6 weeks, things become more predictable. my only advise would be don't have a ridgid schedule, because when you want to go out it will suddenly b nap time or feeding time.

    Just go with the flow! .. i know its easier said than done when they r 1 wk old...you're both on a steeep learning curve!!

    i know how you feel coz i worried ewan wasn't eating enough, was feeding too often, wasn't prodicing what i thought was enough nappies, wasn't sleeping through yet, was bringing back to much milk.... you worry about everything for a while....

    then you get a bit more objective i think
     
  14. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    Lisa,
    Even at 1 week it wont do any harm to start a routine that envolves a series of things happening 1 after the other. Right from the start we always bathed, bottled and put baby to bed at night but at the beginning this could start at early as 7 or as late as 10. Some nights things didnt go to plan but we suffered during the night if we let the routine slip. Baby will learn to expect these things and as you get to know your baby better you will be a better judge at what time to do them at. If baby knows what is coming next he/she will be more content.
    A routine is great but you and your baby will work it out between you both.
    What works for 1 mum wont neccesarily work for another.
     
  15. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    I would never leave a baby to cry. Imagine you are a baby and for whatever reason you are trying to attract someone's attention and no one came; how would that make you feel? That's the way I see it.
     
  16. emilia

    emilia Well-Known Member

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    Lots of cuddles!!!! You only spoil a child if you give them something against your will. Your baby is not long out of your womb - he's still adjusting to this bright new world!
    Don't stress - they catch onto our feelings.
    Emilia xx
     
  17. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

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    :oops:
    This may make me seem a little unfeeling - but here goes.

    My mom always said that it's ok to let them know you are there when they cry and would never let them alone crying in a room and be away from them...but she would not pick them up every time. After 7 weeks of gritting my teeth and holding out when Naomi cries, I have worked some of it out, i think.

    If she cries, I make sure that her primary needs are being met - eg, she's dry, she's been fed, she's comfortable and she's not hurting - once I found that she'd been crying because her foot had gotten all tangled up in her babygro and both legs jammed down into one, so she was really uncomfy. I felt so bad.

    BUT if you pick her up when she cries and she stops immediately, and stays in your arms for a look-see, talk to her calmly, smile at her, cuddle her a bit and PUT HER BACK DOWN before she falls asleep. I think that if she is reassured, then she's ok. If she continues to cry and you indulge that habit by letting her fall asleep in your arms etc, then you are giving her the bad habit. But you don't give her a bad habit by picking her up and making sure her needs are met first.

    We work it this way and Naomi is a placid, happy little thing.

    So far!
    :lol:

    Sue
     
  18. BubbleOne

    BubbleOne Well-Known Member

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    I agree with everyone else too :lol:

    Although once they get to about 6 weeks there is no harm in putting them in their cot and then getting them out when they start to cry. It just helps them to recognise there cot and feel safe there. :lol:

    We did this with Phoebe and now we put her in there awake and with a little rub she goes off to sleep alone. :lol:

    I always cuddle her to sleep in the day though.
     
  19. *saulino*

    *saulino* Well-Known Member

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    Hello

    I agree as well, a baby can never be spoiled and a doctor had told me that and its so true they cannot talk to you have to figure out whats wrong.
    Hope it helps
     
  20. minikins

    minikins Well-Known Member

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    I only let Dom cry when I tried everything and was on the verge of a brain down, then I thought I would be a better mum if I just popped him in another room and got my breath back ready to go again.

    Sometimes I think you have to leave them for your own sanity but I have only done this once or twice and it's been in the last month or so not when he was weaney.
     

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