Breaks my heart :(

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by claire_louise, Nov 1, 2008.

  1. claire_louise

    claire_louise Well-Known Member

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    i thought i'd kinda explain how i find myself here ....

    me and babys daddy broke up before we knew about flump .... and after telling me to get rid of it, he finally said he'd give me money and be involved when he could. then his brother told his mum about the baby... and he went ape s**t at me, and is now refusing to have anything to do with his unborn child, he wont pay anything until he's had a dna test ... apparently he cheated on me, so im wondering if its guilty conscious :( he wont have his name on the birth certificate, and doesnt EVER (his words not mine) want to see his baby.

    i dont understand how he can look at the scan pic and not think about his baby :cry: i know he's happy with his new gf (who he got with 4 days after telling me he wasnt ready for a relationship)

    Oh and apparently he'd been told he couldnt have kids, which is why we werent as careful as we should/could have been, so for someone who thinks he cant have kids he has a funny fooking way of dealing with it. he knows i wouldnt have cheated on him, i would have done anything to make it work between us, i loved him so much :cry:

    sorry if thats completly not in order and a bit random, kinda seemed much more real writing it down :wall:

    i mean i know he didnt want the baby, but how can he not care at all :cry: :cry: all i think about is my baby and how amazing a little life is!

    on the other hand am i going to be an awful mummy thinking that maybe its better this way, in that at least he cant walk in and out of our baby's life and messing him/her around
     
  2. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    i hope he will feel differently once the baby is born :pray:

    my boyf admits he wasnt as excited about my pregnancy as he made out- he says blokes dont get excited about pregnancy like women do nor do they regard unborn babies as babies yet! so hopefully he will see the light after the birth :hug:

    if not, then he's a complete **** who dont deserve u or ur LO!
     
  3. mummykay

    mummykay Well-Known Member

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    darlin hes the one missin out on the baby, he will def regret it one day:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    the fact hes already hooked up with someone else is proof enough that u shouldnt waste anymore of ur time on him, baby has u all to itself now and thats where all ur energy is gonna go, durin pregnancy and def after birth! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    if he doesnt want access etc then fine, but take him to the damn cleaners for his money :x
     
  4. LisaJ1986

    LisaJ1986 Well-Known Member

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    For some who's apparently been told he can't have kids you'd think he'd be excited!
    Maybe wait and see how he reacts once baby's here. Other than that your love is all that little baby needs! You will be fine.
     
  5. claire_louise

    claire_louise Well-Known Member

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    Trixi i hope you're right :(

    i've tried everything, texting him after mid wifes appointment, sending him a copy of the scan, but nothing, not even from his family

    thats the problem, he runs a computer repair business, making next to nothing, he also works cash in hand at a sign writers, so if anyone official asks im 'fairly' sure he'd just claim he earns hardly anything.

    lucky my 1/2 aunty has tons of baby stuff she's going to give me, but he doesnt know that, so he's making me buy everything before the dna test is done :wall:


    Lisa thats my point exactly lol i remember when one his best mates found out his gf was expecting , the same week he supposedly found out he couldnt have kids, he was crushed, totally gutted in tears (not that he'd ever admit that) i'd have done anything to make him smile that day, but nothing would work. now its as if i never existed :cry:
     
  6. LisaJ1986

    LisaJ1986 Well-Known Member

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    Even if he earns next to nothing he can still be made to pay! If he was with you he'd be expected to. And CSA can take it from his employers before he gets paid so i shouldn't worry about that.
     
  7. Sammystar

    Sammystar Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    I hope he changes his mind after the baby is born. He sounds like he needs to grow up.

    I don't understand how men can put kids into the world and then just walk away :wall: :wall: :wall:
     
  8. keli

    keli Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with this :hug: :hug: :hug: xxx
     
  9. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    Men never feel the same as woman as its not them that the change is happening to, my ex told me to have an abortion but its not them that would have to go through with it if that makes sense. I HATE leaving ryan even tho its usually only for an hour while i have my hair cut or something#, i miss him so much and i dont understand why men arent the same. I hope he come's round when the baby is here but if not its his loss and you will be absolutely fine on ure own, means you get to be there to see all ure babies smiles and giggles. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  10. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    Same happened to me, his first reaction was "but your going to get rid of it yeah" i told him i was keeping my baby and he didnt have to be involved, he has since fucked around completely and has seen her 5 times in her 4 months of life.

    DO NOT pay for a DNA test for him they're about £100. I'd also look at him not being on the birth certificate as a good thing, he's not on Tallys and it means he has no parental rights to her and i dont have to ask his permission to take her out the country etc. If you need money from him contact CSA, if he disputes paternity they will DNA test him and it's irrelevent whether he see's baby or not.

    Same again, he still has our first scan pic up in his room yet he never saw the same things as me, he wasnt interested in the scans, only whether she was a boy or not. It takes time but unfortuantely i've had to just accept that he's not interested

    I used to spend all my spare time with him and even then he wasn't certain she was his, god i wish she wasnt lol, but again it was due to the fact he was cheating all the time himself. He's preobably jsut looking for a reason to escape a baby which he's liekly to be very scared about.

    It's different for women, i wanted my baby from the second i knew about her, i spent 9 months making sure she had everythign she could possibly need and that i gave her the best start in life. I loved getting to know her when she was in my tummy and learning that her preferences have stayed the same even now. She hated hicups when she was in my tummy and you can still see now she gets wound up if she gets them. You've got a big journey ahead of you, it's scary but ultimately the most amazing thing, i wouldnt change the past year for anything, i'd love to be able to go bk to when i found out i was pregnant and just tell him iwas leaving him rather then go through the pain of having him leave etc, but i think things happen for a reason and we're so happy now, you will be too :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  11. claire_louise

    claire_louise Well-Known Member

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    abcd1234 thank you, thats made me feel better, esp about him not having parental rights if he's not on the birth certificate. he actually offered to pay for the dna test.

    also, im talking WAY in the future, if he's not on the birth cert, if i should ever happen to meet a decent bloke (assuming such thing exists) would that make it easier for him to adopt flump (baby) i know thats a random thing to ask seen as men are the last thing on my mind, but i'd hate to have to get my ex to agree to anything relating to my child.
     
  12. nissa

    nissa Well-Known Member

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    I just don't get how men can feel so little about babies. I honestly don't understand it.... :think:

    My ex text to say '15 weeks isn't too late for an abortion' I don't see how he can even think that! :wall:

    I will be making him pay csa. I spoke to a friend who works for them and she said that if he denies the baby is his they will make him take a dna and if it's proven then he will be liable for the costs. And if he refuses the test they will take that as a sign of 'guilt' and make him pay. There is no question that he is the dad so I don't think he'll object but it's nice to know it will be dealt with either way.
     
  13. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    i think so, but i'm not sure, it's one of the things i'm looking in to at the moment as i want my partner to have the same rights over her as i do as he is essentially her father even though he didnt make her and if anything happened to me i'd want her to stay with him.
     

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