big row with friend b4 wedding !

[Duds]

ok I need your honest advice .

A old school friend is getting married on sat & she has always been a very spoilt jelious person who likes to have her own way & generally only has friends who she believes are "below" her. I find her difficult quite often & the only reason we are still friend is because we have been since school so have alot of history (18years). and she does have a nice side that alot of people dont see.

Anyway it was her hen night on sat and it was terrible, she did not introduce me or our other friend to anyone and completly left us out and went and had group photos while we were in the toilet (which we told her where we were going) this was really hurtful i have to say.
Anyway the evening got worse & worse but we tried to put a brave face on it seeing as it was her hen do, no one spoke to us and we ended up sitting outside talking to a load of other hen parties. eventually she came out and was really loud and seemed out of it - she hadnt even noticed we had been missing for the last hour and half. she then laid into some poor 18year old guy who was completely harmless - hurling abuse at him.
By this time i'd had enough and couldnt bear to talk to her.
She then started to hug and kiss my other friend and tell her how much she loved her and how she'd done such a fab job with her daughter - (which i have to say does nothing but slag her off to me and says completly the opposite ) I decided to bite my tounge and leave.

In the cab on the way back to the hotel my friend said she told her she had taken a load of E's and coke & does it at least 4 times a month.
This completly explains why she was acting the way she was & made me more mad.
I dont mean to sound like a party pooper but Im really against drugs - esp hard ones.

I was going to leave it 2 talk to her til after her wedding but it has blown up over text msg as she kept saying stuff about the hen night and the photos etc so i made a coment about her being out of it to see if she would own up but she just pretended & said nothing.
So this is what i text her back ....

"i dont want to ruin anything 4u but need 2b honest with u. we felt pretty left out sat & bit upset that you had pics done without us, i realize now why as you were as high as a kite & prob unaware what was going on. its ur life and completley up to you if you want to take that crap, its just a shame as it changes people. anway lk i said dnt want to cause any prob 4u this week & your big day"

This is her reply

"thanks a bunch, i really needed that it was really hard on sat to keep everyone happy i didnt leave you both out intentionally you should know better! AS for what I do thats my business - I dont need your opinion !!!
could have done with ur support thats not what you have given me! thanks again "

Im fuming !
Have i been really unreasonable ? I know she is getting married this week and its a really bad time but im a pretty honest person and cant pretend things were ok.
I know it doesnt make it right but she behaved absolutly terribble at both our hen nights also and was very rude to friends and sat with a strop the whole wedding.

What should i do? I dont want to go to the wedding - i supposed to be doing a reading!!

Sorry to go on, had to get it off my chest

 

[Kim]

I think she is absolutely out of order, both on the hen night and on the text message. I'm afraid I would have a problem being friends with her again if she did that to me. Friends don't behave like that and you have enough on your plate with a small baby to have to deal with her behaviour.

 

She was way out of order hun. If I were you I wouldn't go to the wedding. I hope you're okie, I hate people like this, I have 'friends' like her

 

[HayleyB]

My hen night was hard work talking to everyone, but i tried to make sure everyone was introduced to everyone...
If i'd acted like that i wouldn't expect my friends to come to the wedding!!!

Its up to you, if she's constantly like that then doesn't sound like she's much of a friend?

 

[Duds]

Thanks Kim & Sami.... you have made me feel so much better - i dont mind if anyone thinks i am out of order though - sometimes I dont think b4 i speak

Why are "so called" friends like it ! I wouldnt dream of behaving like that to any of my pals. I do know she is very jelious that me and my other friend both have babies as she wanted to be the "first" .... i know ... how old?!!
oh she also didnt invite the babies to the wedding but did others which I let go....

 

[Duds]

My hen night was hard work talking to everyone, but i tried to make sure everyone was introduced to everyone...
If i'd acted like that i wouldn't expect my friends to come to the wedding!!!

Its up to you, if she's constantly like that then doesn't sound like she's much of a friend?

She isnt but I am quite loyal & she can be nice sometimes..... but either way I dont want much to do with her after all this like Kim said. I dont know if I can forget it....

 

[Yvanne]

im sorry but if my friends took drugs like tht then id tell them where 2 go, its bad enuff me seein people likt that but would rather keep chloe away from it!!! she was bang out o order and im surprised u never punched her!!!!!!!!!

 

[emilia]

Perhaps when she loses a good friend like you - she will reaslise the meaning of loyalty herself!

I wouldn't go to the wedding if I was you.... sod her!!!

Emilia xx

 

[nicki]

I have to agree with the others on this hun. She should value your friendship & it really doesn't sound like she does.
True friends aren't jealous of each other, especially because you've got a beautiful daughter & she hasn't (yet?). If she's also unaware that she's upset you & your other friend she's probably not worth the hassle, it sounds to me as if she's a bit selfish with her head up her own ar*e.

Decide what you want to do (about the wedding) on Friday night. If you really couldn't stand to go then don't but if you could grin & bear it for a while, go & then decide if the friendships over afterwards. A tricky one tho.

Let us know what happens. Sending you

Nicki.xx

 

[Tam]

I think she was well outta order!!!!!

A very selfish and childish person!

If a friend of 18yrs can't have a word and be honest with you, who can?

It has just brought back memories of a friend of mine......she is the most selfish self conceited person I have ever met, I was friends with her for 11yrs, we met thru work.......but our relationship was all about "her" she knew nothing about me, and was never there when I had probs (not that I phoned her, as I knew she would be no good) but she was always on the phone to me moaning about her million problems, she always made mountains out of mole hills and was so sensitive so you had to be careful how you spke to her or explain how other people may have meant it - and then there was the whole thing when whenever a man looked at her he obviously wanted to bed her & now she had feelings for this stranger! etc etc She had a poor hubby and 2 kids, thats the worst bit, she lived completely in fantasy land, would walk out on the 3 of them which she has debated many a time...... and do you know what........................since I have had nothing to do with her, it has been great, and I am not sorry in any way norr am I missing her, in fact I get so annoyed that I let it go on for so long!!!!!!!!!

The bit I can't forget is that I have ALWAYS been there for her, I would drop anything to help her out.......and over some silly parking thing, she got arsey and I got fed up with it all "me, me ,me ,me ,me ,me". She has no idea my Mum was seriously ill shortly after let alone the fact she died and it has been the hardest time of my life! But what would she care?! She is just too selfsih!!

Anyway, there is no way I would go to the wedding?! What are you going to get out of it, will she be OK with you, ignore you, have the hump? Sod that for a day out!

You are better off without her if you ask me! She sounds two faced for a start, I wouldn't trust what she said behind my back, then the drugs on top of that sod that!

Sorry if thats a bit harsh & long, but you have to think about yourself, and long term what it is that you get out of your relationship with her?
I understand that you are loyal, so am I to a fault, but there is only so much you can take and one day they push you too far and show what you really mean to them, and we are worth MORE!!

xx

I had to come back and edit............I talk about that selfish drone and I hit post number 666, how freaky?! Told ya I was better off without her

 

[HayleyB]

Wow! Spooky about hitting post 666!!!

I think everyone has one of "those" friends at some point in life....

My mum had a friend for about 18 years or so (can'ty work it out right now!) It was for along time anyways. Mum was always there for her, when we were living in Malaysia we only lived a 10 min drive from her, but mum would drop everything if she was needed as a shoulder to cry on etc. Mum's Godmother to 2 of her kids. The kind of things best friends do for each other.
We'd been living back in the UK for a few years (they moved back a couple of years after we did, and moved to Warrington) and mum helped this woman and her husband through thier divorce, remaining impartial and in the middle - and one day this woman turned around and said to my mum (this bit still tickles me!!)
"you're not a real friend - you always put Mick (dad) and the kids before me. I've got better friends than you"

Pppfffftttttt!!!!

I've had a friend like that but its not even worth going in to....

To finish the above story... Mum hasn't spoken to the woman since, she still sends the kids birthday cards etc. And the highlight of mum's week a couple of weeks ago was seeing this woman in her new soft top car with the top down at the start of a thunderstorm, and she was a 10 minute drive from her house!!!

Karma Rocks!!!

xox

 

[Duds]

Thanks for your replies girls & I appreciate your comments. Sounds like im not alone on the selfishr friend front!
Well here is a brief update ....

Please dont be mad at me but I have decided to go to the wedding... it's just not worth the hassle and to be honest I couldnt live with myself letting someone down like that or causing any kind of problem for someones wedding day.

However... I have also decided that once the wedding is over I am going to have as little to do with her as possible.

I had another text from her last night saying she is sure I didnt mean to upset her but i have & she isnt proud of what she takes & If i had a problem I should of talked to her... I was fed up with the texting so called her and left a msg saying if she wants to talk to call me back & would be in for next 20mins - she called me back bout 30mins later & i was still there which she was clearly not expecting!!
The weird and frustrating thing is she wouldnt really talk about it ?! As soon as i said I never intentionally ment to upset her a few days before her wedding she just talked over me & said she may have over reacted because it was bad timing then she just went on about how she had a argument with the grooms parents & about getting her nails done! I tried 3 times before giving up and saying I had to go.

She clearly didnt want to listen to what i had to say & this actually made me realize how much of a coward she really is.
The question is how do I get shot of her? I cant just ignore her calls etc. I dont want to be nasty as for some stupid reason I do care about her but just cant be done with her anymore.

Tam - thats funny she also thinks if a bloke looks in her direction he's after her!

 

[Strangeness]

I think you've got to be honest hun, tell her how you feel about the whole thing and how it's upset you and you don't wish to speak to her anymore.

I had a friend, we were always together every weekend going out clubbing and bingo etc. I met my dh and she just turned into a mental cow. From day one she said how me and dh would never last because I'd get bored, that put my back up a bit but I let it go. We went to her 21st and she spent the whole time asking my dh to give her a birthday kiss, I just said no really bluntly and she finally stopped in the end. Obviously with being with my dh we didn't spend so much time together anymore and she basically said I had abandoned her. I made a lot of time for her even when I was with my dh but she just kept making comments about how we weren't gonna last. Then she got pregnant on a one night stand and can't even remember the father's name. I said to her look what you've done you've got to sort out and you really should find out who the father is just for her son's sake but she didn't so I just left it. Then a few months later I found out I was pregnant and she called me a stupid bitch Sorry but I'm not the one who doesn't know the father of my child (no offence to anyone in the same position but I thought it was crap to call me the stupid one) in the end I just gave up and stopped contact with her. I just ignored her after I went round to see her last xmas and she ignored me, my dh and Aaron. She had about 3 people round there when we had arranged a time to see her and I just walked out cos she didn't even speak to us. Some people are better off out of your life!