Hi all, just made this profile & a little unsure of how this works. Anyway, here goes.. I do apologise as it may be a long post! So I got my BFP on Friday, using those dip stick tests I took 3 as I didn't believe it! Anyway due to it still not sinking in I went out and got a clear blue digital one with the weeks window showing and up pops 'pregnant 1-2 weeks' seeing it in words was a more real shock haha. Problem is I am in a very new relationship, we only started dating the very beginning of January so not even a full month yet (I know, I know very stupid of us) I have two children of my own and he has three of his own. It has come as a shock (well our carelessness has resulted in this obviously). We haven't really spoken much about it but he has pretty much hinted he doesn't want any more children just yet, which is understandable. But I am sat here wondering how I even feel right now, I don't feel like I could ever possibly terminate but i can't bring myself to say that to him yet, I just said I need some time to think about it all. I am a person who very much takes the whole "what is meant to be will be" type thing pretty serious. But on the other hand I feel so selfish for not taking what he wants into consideration. I am at a complete loss here. I would really appreciate some advice as no body knows about this apart from us two. X
BFP - advice needed
- Thread starter Robynl2
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Have you told him about the pregnancy yet? I think you need to sit down and have an open chat with him. Tell him exactly how you’re feeling, because it’s not a decision you can make lightly. He may have said he doesn’t want more kids hypothetically but when presented with one he might surprise you. He might not though.
Fwiw wouldn’t get a termination unless I was 100% sure it was what I wanted - you’ll regret it so much if you have even a hint of doubt in your mind.
Fwiw wouldn’t get a termination unless I was 100% sure it was what I wanted - you’ll regret it so much if you have even a hint of doubt in your mind.
Thankyou so much for your reply - Yes we did the test together, I just told him I needed time to think about it all. He said he doesn't want any more, not yet anyway said he was just being honest. I mean I didn't consider any more anytime soon but it has come along and I know deep down I have made my decision already. I'm just so scared to tell him and what our family and friends will say&think about the pregnancy. I just feel very alone at the moment. I know I couldn't have a termination, it would break my heart. But I just feel so selfish for not taking what he wants into consideration
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I see. So he’s basically telling you to terminate. It’s a hard situation to be in - one the one hand it’s not fair to get someone pregnant and then tell them to get rid of it, but on the other hand accidents do happen. If you know what you want then just stick to your guns and hopefully he will come around. Good luck x
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Ooooo Robyn, what a sh*t situation to be in 
I cant really say anything that is going to help make a decision, but obviously what he is saying needs to be considered, but i know all of this requires thinking time and the longer you leave it the worst it gets, as obviously the pregnancy is progressing.
Are you very early doors?x
I cant really say anything that is going to help make a decision, but obviously what he is saying needs to be considered, but i know all of this requires thinking time and the longer you leave it the worst it gets, as obviously the pregnancy is progressing.Are you very early doors?x
Ooooo Robyn, what a sh*t situation to be in
Are you very early doors?x
Yes it is so difficult because I don't want him to think I'm being selfish if I can't agree with what he wants but it is me that will have to to through with it either way
. Yes still very early on, the clear blue test said 1-2 weeks? It is just such a shock and I cant stop thinking about it and what is the best thing to do. I'm so worried about what others may say or think ect xYou can't worry about what other people will say and think; people will always judge no matter what you choose and you need to do what is right for you.
As for him thinking you're selfish; I'm sure he won't. This is a much bigger thing and if he does think that or accuse you of being so I'd say he's the selfish one.
1-2 weeks is really 3-4 weeks as they count pregnancy from your last period.
As for him thinking you're selfish; I'm sure he won't. This is a much bigger thing and if he does think that or accuse you of being so I'd say he's the selfish one.
1-2 weeks is really 3-4 weeks as they count pregnancy from your last period.
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It seems like you have made your decision hun and at the end of the day if he doesn't like it he needs to remember it takes two to tango he knows how it works. You stick to your guns hun and of the day it's your body that has to deal with the awful process of a termination because it isn't easy on the body so it ultimately has to be your choice.
Yeah I am just that sort of person, especially when it comes to my family I don't want my parents to hate me for it. I mean he is a brilliant dad to his children so I arnt really worried he wouldn't want to be involved as such but it's just knowing he doesn't want another one yet. I mean obviously it is so different when the baby actually arrives but right now I'm just so worried and feel so alone keeping this to myself
. I don't even want to ring my GP yet because that means I have to actually make the decision and let everyone down (that's how I feel) like at the moment I'm glad it's only me that knows my decision and I'm not being judged ect yet. I am just at a loss xI think I have deep down. I do not think I'd be able to go through with it. And if I did It wouldn't be what I wanted at all, I would hate myself for the rest of my life. Yes it does take two to tango that's very true! We are both in the wrong for not avoiding this happening, very nieve I guess for not even thinking it would happen! It's just this having no one I can talk to is what is hard!
x
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Yea I totally understand hun i have been there for a friend when she decided when we were alot younger to end a pregnancy because at the time it wasn't right for her she couldn't raise a child. Even though that's what she wanted she still feels bad about it but she knows she did the right thing for her at that time. Honestly hun I would just tell him you can't do it that at the end of the day it's a life you are prepared to care forI think I have deep down. I do not think I'd be able to go through with it. And if I did It wouldn't be what I wanted at all, I would hate myself for the rest of my life. Yes it does take two to tango that's very true! We are both in the wrong for not avoiding this happening, very nieve I guess for not even thinking it would happen! It's just this having no one I can talk to is what is hard!
I think I have deep down. I do not think I'd be able to go through with it. And if I did It wouldn't be what I wanted at all, I would hate myself for the rest of my life. Yes it does take two to tango that's very true! We are both in the wrong for not avoiding this happening, very nieve I guess for not even thinking it would happen! It's just this having no one I can talk to is what is hard!
Sorry but I totally disagree with this. You won’t regret a termination for the rest of your life. I had a termination a few years but because it just wasn’t the right time for us & although it wasn’t a nice thing to go through at the time I look back & am glad I made that decision as things would possible be a lot different for us now. We had a one & 4 year old in a small 2 bed rented house & been forever saving for a mortgage. We had just booked our wedding which we probably would have had to cancel, I’d just started a new job which I ended up doing very well in which led us to what we have now. Husband was working very long hours for average money. Now we’re married, both for our own businesses & own a 4 bed house so this enabled us to go on to have a third happily & I never regret our decision. I’m actually very thankful to the nhs that we do have the option there to terminate should an accident happen.
If I’m being completely honest my concern would be, you’ve only known this guy a month. You’ve got 2 kids with someone else & he has 3 with someone else, why do you think a baby together will be any different to the other children? I’m not saying you won’t work out, you might & you may go on to marry & be together the rest of your life but why not find that out by just being you two for a while first. Your adding massive pressure to a very new relationship & general that results in a relationship break down. No one ever regrets a child but you may live to regret the situation you had them in. I know you find the idea of a termination hard but would you like the idea of being a single mum of 3 wishing it had been different ?
Sorry if this post seems harsh I just want to be honest x
