Being financially dependent

[Tadpole]

Hiya,

I have supported myself for 15 years now. Me & OH have been together 6 years and have always split things 50/50. I am worried about having to be dependent on him - particularly after my maternity pay stops. I don't really want to go back to work till the baby is at least a year old and he is happy to support me. BUT... I don't know how I will feel about having to ask someone for money everytime I need something. I'm not talking luxury items, just day to day stuff, tampax etc.. How do others cope with this? I know the problem i in my head but how do I get over this?

 

[Sherlock]

I'm going to be in a similar situation. Both of us have our own accounts and pay different bills etc. My money I use for food shopping also, but if I need extra I know I can ask my OH to transfer some over. He earns more than I do now also. We never really worried about splitting things 50/50 though as we tend to think of his money and my money as 'our' money. Its all going toward the same end at the end of the day.

He'll be supporting me once my maternity pay ends as I don't plan to return to work then, but I'm quite happy he does so and don't mind having to set up some sort of bank transfer so I can have money in my account each month.

I'd suggest talking to your OH and seeing what he thinks also. Maybe you can then have a joint account so he can transfer money in to it for you and you also have access. And you can agree a set amount each month and if you need extra for whatever reason, you can always ask. That way you won't really need to worry about it, unless you run out and need a bit more. TBH I think if you agree a reasonable amount and it goes out automatically, you won't worry about it so much as having to ask each month. Shopping still needs to be done and you say he is happy to support you so try to relax about it You've also got plenty of time to adjust to the idea until your maternity pay ends. Perhaps you can save a bit from that also if it makes you feel better.

 

[mummykay]

we saved my MA and child tax credits, the child benefit was used for nappies and whatver else Jam needed and I just asked for cash off OH for shoppin etc

we were savin for our own place tho, all the money we saved was for the deposit and i had no prob askin OH for any other cash considerin I had just carried baby for 9mths lol

 

[Tadpole]

Thanks for that. I AM a bit of a control freak and at the moment I organise payment of rent and bills from my account and just get a lump sum from him each month to cover. It's the relinquishing control I think that is worrying me. Again, my issue in my head!! Am pretty certain he will agree to whatver stresses me less! lol

 

[kalia]

We have seperate money too. I pay the mortgage and he puts the same amount into our joint account which is for all the household bills including food. I have been saving since becoming pregnant so I have enough to live on while on maternity leave. We have also come to an agreement that when I am only getting SMP he will pay me money each month for looking after baby (if you want to look at it that way). OH is very generous with this and I know what you mean about not wanting to be dependant - he was going to split his salary 50/50 but I pointed out I'd still have SMP and my savings so £100 or so would probably do. And I've asked for him to continue paying me £50 a month (which he calls baby rent bless him) once I return to work as I will only be going back part time.

 

[Mandy1978]

I was broke when I got pregnant but my friend had at least some work. But it was just hardly enough to get by for both of us.

I hated that situation because I had to be dependent on him and he spent the little of money we had left going out and drinking with friends.

Finally I picked up working online and published some websites about my interests and actually now, after my son was born last April I make more money than him and finally feel independent again.

I can really recommend everyone to do this because you can actually make money from home or even from the bed if you have a laptop.

I didn't have any technical experience before and there are free guides like this one here http://internet-starter-guide.com that explain you everything step by step.