Becoming a mum and missing my own mum

[HaylzDz]

Hi all, not really looking for advice but just want to get my thoughts down as I’ve been struggling recently.

This is my first pregnancy, I’m 22 weeks and having a little boy. I’ve been so so lucky as it was all planned, happened very quickly and have had no problems so far. Myself and my husband are both really excited but recently I’ve been getting really upset that my own mum isn’t around.

I’m 31 and lost my mum to a brain tumour 5 years ago. I wasn’t a child but I do feel like I was young and it makes me really sad that she can’t be here for this. Even when kids weren’t part of my imminent plans she would always harp on about how she would love to go part time at work and look after her grand babies.

I’m a pretty independent person and I don’t feel like I need her here for advice or anything like that but I just feel like something is missing and a real sadness that I can’t shake.

I was always close to my dad but he remarried last year and moved 500 miles away a few years ago to be with his new partner. We’re not as close anymore and since telling him about the baby he’s been a bit strange. I think he’s missing my mum too but he doesn’t ever open up so who knows.

I think what’s tipped me over the edge is that they were up for a visit this weekend and it just hit me that in reality his new wife is pretty much a stranger to me. As much as I like her, due to the distance I’ve only really met her about 10 times. I’ve always been so supportive of him being happy but I’m having these awful thoughts that’s I really just don’t want her around. I don’t want her to be my child’s granny and I don’t want my mum to be forgotten. I don’t really want her trying to help out which I know she will. I know I’m just being emotional and petty but I’m not sure how to get over how I’m feeling.

Sorry for the essay, just feeling sorry for myself today xxx

 

[chattychar1990]

Massive hugs hun
No1 will ever take over from your mum and your dad's new partner should never expect to be the nan, gran (whichever preference is preferred)
Thinking of you, it must be horrible to go through this xx

 

[Radleycat]

Bless you. It's a hard time and I have a little of the same feelings. We lost my mum 4 years ago very quickly to cancer and I lost my dad nearly 14 years ago when I was only 25. Losing a parent is awful, it's so hard.
I find that whenever something new comes up in my life, a good or a bad thing even, it just hits me again that they aren't here to be party of it. That's been new job, getting married last year and moving house. And now being pregnant it makes me cry knowing my mum won't be part of it and I miss her so much it hurts every day. I sometimes feel frustrated as my brother had my mum help him with his two children and she was the best. And at times he really didn't appreciate how much she did for them and how amazing she was. People never do until it's too late.

I'm scared about how we will cope, especially if I manage to carry both of these little beans. We don't have family close by thay can or will help so it's just us.
What I do plan to do is buy a stiff bear (I'm saving up!) as my mum did that for my neice and nephew when they were born so I want to carry on the tradition. And I plan to tell them about their grandma and grandad all the time so they will know about them. It won't be the same but as with losing someone, it's how we keep their memory alive that is what keeps us going I think.
Please don't worry about your dad's new wife. You don't have to feel like she's your mum, she isn't and never will be. Hopefully they will have better involvement when your baby is here and you can still tell them about their amazing grandma x

 

[HaylzDz]

Thanks so much guys. Hope everything goes well for you Radley. Steiff bears are a tradition in our family too xx