Hi guys , I am almost 12 weeks pregnant . My due date is Jan. 30 2022. My husband and I were trying for over three years when I finally got my positive pregnancy test. I had taken so many pregnancy tests before that were negative that when I saw the positive I almost didn’t believe my eyes . We conceived on Mother’s Day weekend . Mother’s Day has always been a hard day for me. My mom was always in and out of my life. She passed away December 2018. Now that I am pregnant I am so happy . But there is also a sadness there knowing that I won’t have my Mom around to help guide me through this journey . I could not count on her when I was younger . So why am I suddenly feeling the need for her to help me now? I get jealous when I think about or see other pregnant women that get to go shopping with their moms for baby stuff and call their moms anytime of day to ask them questions . I want to have a little girl so one day we can do mother daughter stuff together. We did the gender blood test last week so it will be about one more week before we find out the gender . Now Mother’s Day will have a different meaning for me . It will be remembered as when our little one came into our lives . I feel like my mom is watching over me and maybe she had something to do with me conceiving on Mother’s Day . To make up for her not being there ? This is me trying to make myself feel better. The other thing I think about is how will I know how to be a good Mom without having one myself . Should I just do everything opposite of her ? I am feeling good and very happy about the pregnancy, I just wish my Mom was here with me . When she passed away it was such a blow because I was always waiting for her to change and show up for me , and herself . When she died it was like that’s it , no more waiting, it’s never going to happen . I do have a lot of amazing women in my life that support me and want the best for me. But they all have their own things going on just like everyone else and sometimes I don’t want to bother them . I’m writing here because maybe there is someone else out there that is feeling like I am . Hoping to be an amazing mom , even if it’s something that I never had.