Becoming a mom when I don’t have one

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by lucyberry, Jul 16, 2021.

  1. lucyberry

    lucyberry New Member

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    Hi guys ,
    I am almost 12 weeks pregnant . My due date is Jan. 30 2022. My husband and I were trying for over three years when I finally got my positive pregnancy test. I had taken so many pregnancy tests before that were negative that when I saw the positive I almost didn’t believe my eyes . We conceived on Mother’s Day weekend . Mother’s Day has always been a hard day for me. My mom was always in and out of my life. She passed away December 2018. Now that I am pregnant I am so happy . But there is also a sadness there knowing that I won’t have my Mom around to help guide me through this journey . I could not count on her when I was younger . So why am I suddenly feeling the need for her to help me now? I get jealous when I think about or see other pregnant women that get to go shopping with their moms for baby stuff and call their moms anytime of day to ask them questions . I want to have a little girl so one day we can do mother daughter stuff together. We did the gender blood test last week so it will be about one more week before we find out the gender . Now Mother’s Day will have a different meaning for me . It will be remembered as when our little one came into our lives . I feel like my mom is watching over me and maybe she had something to do with me conceiving on Mother’s Day . To make up for her not being there ? This is me trying to make myself feel better. The other thing I think about is how will I know how to be a good Mom without having one myself . Should I just do everything opposite of her ? I am feeling good and very happy about the pregnancy, I just wish my Mom was here with me . When she passed away it was such a blow because I was always waiting for her to change and show up for me , and herself . When she died it was like that’s it , no more waiting, it’s never going to happen . I do have a lot of amazing women in my life that support me and want the best for me. But they all have their own things going on just like everyone else and sometimes I don’t want to bother them . I’m writing here because maybe there is someone else out there that is feeling like I am . Hoping to be an amazing mom , even if it’s something that I never had.
     
  2. Fsb676

    Fsb676 Well-Known Member

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    So happy for you on finally getting your BFP after so long! Sorry that you have some sad moments in your life with your mom though. There are lots of moms out there that either didn’t have a mom, didn’t have a mom present, or had an awful mom......but turned out to be an amazing mother themselves. Take joy in the fact the God gave you your precious little one. He definitely has a plan for you, your husband, your baby, and your family. Congratulations <3
     
  3. lucyberry

    lucyberry New Member

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    Thank you so much ❤️
     
  4. MakeMeABird

    MakeMeABird New Member

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    Congratulations first off!
    I totally compassionate with what your going though. My mother was never there for me. I've come to realized she never will be. With that I learn form her what I never wanna be as a mom because of the pain it caused me. So think of it as a gift because when your baby is born you have understanding and love for them you never got. They never have to feel what you feel. You will also cherish the moments of being mom to your baby more than most. So do beat yourself up thinking your not going be good mom because your already thinking about it. Do reach out to your friends and the women in your life. Enjoy your pregnancy!
     
  5. dipsydoodle

    dipsydoodle Member

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    You know what, I have my mam here with me and I still worry about all of the things you are worried about - so I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.

    Trust your instinct, maybe try and meet other parents and if you need help you can speak to them. I've spoken to a few (not very close) friends (who like you, have lots of other things going on in their own lives) but they've only been too happy to offer advice.

    There is no right or wrong way, what works for person A might not work for person B. You'll be absolutely fine :)
     
  6. Marking

    Marking New Member

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    I congratulate you on having a baby soon! Having a baby is truly magical. I understand the emotions you are experiencing, and I know how hard it is to go through the period of carrying a baby without the support of a mother. My husband helped me to compensate for her absence. He was always there. He tolerated all my mood swings and was always at my side. I am immensely grateful to him for that. Even during pregnancy, I went to a psychologist to help me accept everything that was going on and prepare myself for my new role in life. The second trimester was difficult, but I was ready for it, and my husband's support helped me get through it more leisurely.
     
    #6 Marking, Dec 4, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2021

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