Baby Blues? Depression?

[DanniiM85]

Hi all,
My first child is 11 weeks old and was born via emergency csection as she was breach and I started labouring before my planned csection.
This was discovered on my 40 week due date midwife visit, so as you can imagine I was very upset. (I wanted a natural birth)
This pregnancy was unplanned and I wasn't living with my partner at the time. I moved over an hour and a half away from friends and family 2 months before my due date and 1 week after the birth we moved into a larger place.
We haven't slept in the same bed since being pregnant due to my heavy breathing/snoring at the time and since the birth so he could sleep peacefully for work the next day.
I had very little support from my partner in the first month or so due to his inability or want to help.
Due to 100% tongue tie I was unable to breatfeed without my nipples being destroyed. We paid privately for it to be snipped and she never latched on again. ( I wanted to solely breatfeed)
Due to overdoing it my wound slightly split and got infected so I now have a unsightly lumpy scar on one side.
I was going to appointments alone, lugging a pram on and off the bus to the hospital (midwife was not pleased) doing every feed, diaper change, cleaning and overall household, day to day tasks alone.
Things have since turned around and partner finally realised what a d*ck he has been (almost 3 months down the line!)
I have been speaking openly to him about how I'm feeling and he is now working a 3 day week (till January) to help out.
I have never felt more alone. I have zero confidence, I couldn't even go into a coffee shop even though I planned to after going for a walk with baby. I was too nervous.
I'm paranoid that I will unintentionally hurt my baby by tripping up on her, knocking my tea on her, making her unwell with germs etc.
I'm convinced she hates me looking on my phone/computer because she has a moan, so I give her my full attention, keeping her entertained and not bored and it's utterly draining, so it's great when she sleeps (8 hoursish during the night and little catnaps during the day)
My mind is consumed by her lack of bowel movements and the two dry nappies she has had recently. She has been checked over by the drs and has beeen prescribed laxatives.
I have a great relationship with my baby, she is happy and smiling all the time, but I just want the best for her.
I am unfortunately one of those suffer in silence kind of people because I don't want to bother people, but the more I think about it, the more I realise I need to speak out.
Has anyone experienced the same? How did you cope/get better? Did you speak to doctor?
I am starting a mother/baby yoga class in November in the hope of getting better and making friends.
I'm sorry it's long and I hope someone can give some advice.
Thanks x

 

[Blueclass]

Where are you living now? I used to feel like i would accidentally hurt her by tripping up on her or something. I also haf a emergency c section. Try talking to a health visitor or a doctor xx

 

[mrsmnk101]

Awww hun, sounds like youve had it rough. Im glad to hear your partner is finally helping out. Speak to your health visitor thats what theyr there for. It will really help to get out make friends and speak to other mums. I totally understand how you feel my little one is 5 week old and i honestly feel so isolated, my husband has been back at work over 3 weeks, my baby is so fussy and unsettled during the day and night so getting stuff done in the house is impossible. I also have two other children that go to school. I get stressed out just thinking about all the things i need to do, eg, making the pack lunches for school.

It sounds like you have got depression, to a certain degree. I know i have too but im hoping once my baby settles down abit and i can get back to my normal daily routine to some degree ill be okay. And so will you xxx

 

[GBLiz]

i think some of what you're experiencing is normal, but some you need a little support as it does sound like PND. I think all mums have flashes of horrible things that might happen to their baby by accident, but if it starts to take over then its a problem. I think all mums have a bit of a confidence crash but again it depends if it takes root or if you manage to shake it off. It took me a couple of months to take my baby out in a buggy because i simply wasnt confident enough to put it up and down by myself!

It sounds like you have had a very traumatic and unsupported start to your mummy journey, but that's great your partner has taken time out now. I think its best to talk to the dr or health visitor about your anxieties and get all the help you can so that you can start enjoying your baby instead of everything being based on anxiety. They really are there to help. a little CBT might help with the anxiety i would be more inclined to push for that rather than just take medication as CBT would help you look at the facts and rationalise some of the anxiety away.