Autistic 2yo and nursery?

[kumber]

People keep pushing me to put my 2yo into nursery as we qualify for the free hours. He is currently under assessment for autism, he is definitely autistic. He has very limited speech (he has the speech of about a 14 month old so is roughly a year behind) and is very clingy, he needs his "person" to settle. He also struggles with other children and can't cope with lots of noise and lots of people. I'm really worried that if I put him into nursery, he won't cope.

What are your thoughts?

 

[StephyLou]

Could you do some trials? Start with an hour, half day ect... i would also research to see if there are any nurseries in your area that specialise in adapted play. My mum is a disability coordinator and she would say the worst thing to do would be to ostracise but your right not to drop him into nursery and expect him to socialise.

 

[MrsS15]

Hi kumber,

My son is almost 8 and has adhd and on the spectrum although not sure where. He doesn't fit a lot of the normal criteria, by his first birthday he could talk in sentences and was very advanced in most areas. His behaviour has always been terrible and his social skills left a lot to be desired even now he's still not great in social situations and can be very awkward. Sometimes he'll just refuse to speak! I was unfortunately in the opposite position that I worked so had no choice but to put him in nursery, he was 2yrs 1 month when he started a private nursery but we had no choice. He actually came on leaps and bounds, his room at nursery only had 6 other kids and he done very well. I won't lie, it was when he got to about 4 (pre school in Scotland) that we realised he needed more help than the private nursery had the ability to do. That's when we moved him into a council run nursery 2 days a week (still kept 2 days in private nursery because of my job). That was a major struggle and adjustment for him, he'd have to be peeled off me to go in and we'd both be crying. He'd hide under the table and refuse to come out, refuse to join in and refuse to follow any rules stand in lines etc. My biggest mistake was not putting him in council run nursery sooner, they have much better access to resources and are good at their jobs dealing with children with additional needs. I would definitely look into putting him in 2 mornings/afternoons a week if you can. It may be difficult at first but it'll really benefit you both. It'll also make the going to school process so much easier when it comes and puts a lot of things In place for him for before he starts school - this will definitely make things easier for you!

Of course don't feel pressured but it's worth a try. I would definitely advocate it xx

 

[lisey]

My son has autism, he is 14 now so nursery was a very long time ago. I had him in a place that was a mainstream playgroup but had 6 places, specifically for children with additional needs. This worked well as there were special allowances made for him and the staff had experience of his needs.
I would look at finding a place like that, nothing worse than dealing with people that have no experience of autism and just expect them to settle and behave like the other children, I also don't like it that some use the naughty/time out chair for behaviour...a child with autism will not necessarily understand why they are there and make them more distressed.
I would view a few places, go with your gut. Ask what their procedures are for dealing with such behaviours, ask if they have previous experience and what outside agencies they have working with them, ie, occupational therapists, area SENCO etc.
Preparation is key in my opinion, if you send him, do short visits. Take photos of the premises (they won't let you take pics with children in them, they may do the photos for you) and staff so that you can show him at home.
Do what you feel, if you feel its not right for him or you then don't do it. People can be pushy because they think its for the best, without understanding how autism affects the childs ability to cope etc. Gut feeling is what I have always gone by xx

 

[kumber]

Thanks ladies, we're going to see a nursery tomorrow to discuss with them how they feel they can work with him. Part of me thinks he will be better staying at home, even until he's 3 and can understand more but we'll have to see how he goes I think.

 

[Rooster30]

I think talking to the nursery will definitely help you.

On a side note, how to you know if your child has autism? My son's speech is fantastic so not worried about that, but he is a stickler for routine. He seems confident in preschool but won't talk to anyone associated to preschool outside the school gates - he literally turns his head away...

 

[JD.Deedee]

Ask for the senco too when you go, I would try and look around because the first one we went to was a "really" good one and they were almost overcrowded and he was so unhappy, I always felt pressured out of the door and out of place and then having to get him ever so quickly because he would himself more and more upset every single week. After two months I had enough because he'd just get himself in a state the minute he'd seen the gates!

I then went to a newly opened one and it honestly initially didn't appeal to me as such just because of were it was. But their approach was so much better, so much more open and open to special needs children. The senco is lovely and even the nursery nurses are really good with him and others that require special needs approach because of needs and one already has been diagnosed with autism. A good nursery with that won't put pressure on you and your child and will find ways to work with you and your child. Now he's settled in, it's not just about being around children because I don't get the idea that he's very social now still anyway. But it helps him being apart from me which gives me a break, they help him with his speech and help him achieve those targets they want to tick the box off in his own phase, they're helping us going in the right direction and getting him into special school next year, they're helping being that extra input getting the right diagnosis because they can speak in that language during meetings that all the health professionals understand to get him the right help and support that he needs.

There's also absolutely no pressure to having to go, we have 11 (so he can go in term too) spread over 3 days which helped getting him familiar to the place and feel comfortable around the staff (it's small so there's always very much the same people which is so helpful compared to the first of where I felt like I'd see a new face every single week!) but if I'm abroad or he's ill and I know he's better off home he can stay home. Yesterday he tripped himself up and had a bad smack on his face so I went and got him two hours early to spoil him at home and they don't mind at all. From being so against nurseries I can't praise this one enough especially going in with them aware of him having special needs! Don't feel pressured in staying with a nursery if it doesn't work out and just try another. If they make you feel like you have to leave and you feel uncomfortable, try another one. Phone around, speak to the senco's and I'm sure you'd find one you might consider or maybe to go back to when he's coming up to three and you're more happy with him going x

 

[kumber]

Thank you! We went to see one today and got him enrolled. They were really good with him, took into account his speech and brought it down to his level.

Got his settling in sessions next week so that'll help us see if he's ready for nursery

 

[MummyBee]

I actually thik this could be good for him. I know a few whos kids have autism and the amount theyve cane on in a year is unbelievable. From barely talking - just grunting. You can actually start to understand what hes saying. He has also began interacting with other children and sharing.
I would say itd be best to ease him in. Start off half an hr/ hpur and gradually increase it. Nurserys where i am stagger them in for littlw anount of hours. Maybe you could find one that does the same x

 

[kumber]

We've arranged exactly that with them so great minds! He'll have an hour with me there, then an hour without me there. If he needs more then we'll do that instead of the full 5 hours so he's eased in gradually.

 

[Blueclass]

Hi I think what you are doing is great. I work in an additional needs school and you can see a difference between those children that have gone to nursery. Generally speaking autistic children don't really like socialising but if you try to get them involved with others at a young age it can be so beneficial. I really hope he does well there and enjoys it. If it doesn't work the first time don't get to down about it. It could take time for him to feel at comfortable there.

 

[kumber]

Thank you I'm also autistic (I'm an Aspie, he's probably the same) so I think that helps. We understand each other much more.